I don't need to preach to anyone about how times can be hard and even if you haven't got much spare cash we all need some excitement in our lives.
By excitement, I mean the sexual kind (that's the best type anyway).
You might think that body-safe sex toys are the realm of fantasy if you are on a budget.
But, I am happy to be able to prove that myth wrong with some inspiring examples of great body safe sex toys available on a budget.
So, your piggy bank can stop shaking in fear, let me show you how you can have a good old wank on a budget.
I learned something new recently; spanking machines are a thing! I was delighted when the good people over at sexmachines.co.uk got in touch asking if I would be interested in reviewing one of them.
The chance to review another sex machine was too good to miss and as I do enjoy a good spanking, and so does submissive 'r' I jumped at the chance.
"I have been on the receiving end of it a couple of times now, but it is submissive 'r' who has really tested this out under the steadying hand of my Stunt Cock."Joanne
I was then left viewing the assembly video on the sexmachines.co.uk website to understand how it all goes together so that I didn't waste any time when it arrived.
I didn't have to wait long as sexmachines.co.uk are always very quick with their deliveries.
With a myriad of fucking machines on the market, it is always hard to work out what is good or merely a waste of money. I love reviewing sex machines as it means that there is more information out there for customers to make informed decisions before parting with their hard-earned cash.
I was therefore delighted when Sexmachines.co.uk got in touch asking for another impartial review of one of the best selling machines, the uFuc Pro.
"It has a lot of power, even managing to start a double ended dildo slowly when it was fully inserted after I had stopped it on purpose. Some cheap machines don't have the torque to do that, and you go from stop to high speed, but this one is smooth and fantastic. I was genuinely impressed."Joanne
I jumped at the chance of reviewing another machine for them, and they sent me this one in exchange for a fair and impartial review.
So without letting anything out of the bag read on to find out if this one is a keeper or just a wannabee performer.
The market place is now pretty swamped with suction based clitoral stimulators and one of the first brands to produce them is Satisfyer and I've reviewed a number of their clitoral stimulators on my site.
Out of all of them I liked the cheapest one the Satisfyer 2 the most and that surprised me. My second favourite was definitely the original Satisfyer Pro 2 and whilst it out performed the cheaper one it lacked the controls that I wanted to effectively edge myself and it was a bit of a let down in that regard.
Fast forward to now and Satisfyer appear to have listened to the criticism aimed and the Satisfyer Pro 2 and they have brought out an updated version - the Gen 2. I was delighted when they sent me one to review as it meant that I could do a direct comparison between the two models. Alas though that was not to be, as my Satusfyer Pro 2 gave up the ghost just before its replacement arrived. Whilst it meant I could still enjoy the new model it also meant that direct performance comparisons wouldn't be possible unfortunately.
The nozzle is larger than on the original and this for me makes it an even better fit for my bits and it will mean that it's now more suited to a wider audience (no pun intended)Joanne
So it means that I have to review the Gen 2 model on its own but I can point out some improvements over the previous model and compare them physically to each other, so on with the review.
I am quite partial to a bit of bullet vibe action and often use them whilst playing with myself, especially if using one of my Fucking Machines as I find them just so easy to use and they provide pin point sensations. So you can understand my delight when So Divine sent me one together with two other vibrators to review.
I particularly enjoy using it when enjoying one of my fucking machines and it adds a huge kick to these sessions and I can quickly finish off this way.Joanne
I usually have a bullet vibe floating around in my handbag just incase I "feel the urge" when out and about and have used one on numerous occasions for a quickie when the mood strikes. How does the 'Need You Tonight' bullet perform? Read on to find out what I think of it in terms of its performance and its value for money.
It isn't often that a company sends me three new sex toys to review and so I was delighted when So Divine sent me one of their Sweetest Taboo Magic Wands together with a silicone coated vibrator and a bullet vibe to review. Watch out for my reviews of the other two toys in the very near future as this review is focussed squarely on the amazing Sweetest Taboo Magic Wand.
I like to read up on new toys prior to their arrival and the dual motors in this wand really caught my attention. What a great idea! You will see why later in the review but needless to say I couldn't wait for it to arrive to get my hands (and other parts of my anatomy of course) on it.
By far its best feature is its ability to be two vibrators rolled into one. This is one sex toy that is staying in my bedside drawer and it will take for something pretty spectacular to come along to evict it from there.
I love magic wand style vibrators for their sheer power and usually have no trouble enjoying some very quick and powerful orgasms but how would this wand compare to my others and is it one to recommend? You can rest assured that I have put in a lot of time getting to know it (purely in the interest of science you know LOL) and feel very qualified to comment on both its performance and value, so without further ado lets get on with the review.
When I saw the new Fleshlight Freaks range I was blown away, talk about kinky. With a Vampire, Cyborg, Zombie, Frankenstein and even an Alien pussy to enjoy, I was spoilt for choice. They also have a range of similar dicks that I would love to explore as I do like my kinky dildos. So when I was approached by the nice people over at www.sexcite.co.uk and asked if I would like a Fleshlight Alien to review in exchange for an honest and impartial review I jumped at the chance.
My stunt cock was put on standby and I couldn't wait to see this Fleshlight as the last one I reviewed turned out to be a lot of fun - The Pink Lady Vortex. Obviously a girl needs a bit of help when reviewing a male masturbator and I approach the review from two angles, firstly solo use and secondly use when playing together as a couple. Both are a lot of fun.
I found that the Alien Fleshlight was a very good male masturbator, my stunt cock loves using it and he has done so several times now even after we have finished reviewing it, so that must count for something.
To find out how much fun though, you will have to continue reading the review.
Sometimes you need something a little bit more than just your fingers and I often just have to grab a vibrator to give my clit a good seeing to, I must say that I do like the Rocks Off ones, as the brand name suggests they do indeed get my rocks off.
I really enjoyed moving it slowly around my clit and the feelings are very intense when you do so especially on the lower speeds as this creates a rumbly sort of vibration.
I recently got chatting with the lovely Angela over at BonneAmour.co.uk and got hold of a Rocks Off RO-120mm Wings Of Desire 10 Speed Vibrator to review. Now so far I have only reviewed bullet vibes and a butt plug from Rocks off but I have found the motors used and the vibrations created in the smaller vibes to be great. Would the 120mm version do the job just as well? Read on to find out.
When you ask someone to name their dream car you will often hear names like Ferarri, Porsche and Lambourghini and these cars are at the top of the pyramid and quite rightly so. When it comes to Fucking Machines there are only a couple of contenders for the position of the best one and the Shockspot is definitely a contender for the title. I have been saving for a very long time to be able to get my hands on one of these and have been using it now for just over a month and so I feel that I know it well enough by now to give it a thorough reviewing.
The Shockspot is a sex machine designed and manufactured to order in the USA. I got mine through the lovely people over at www.fmachinefun.co.uk, this is the third machine that I have reviewed from them.
The thing is that this machine is so good you can give yourself a quickie on it or you can really take your time and enjoy a long slow sensuous fuck.
The Shockspot has a pretty good reputation and I certainly put it to the test so how did it perform....
I have heard a lot about Tails and Portholes and their creations and I had to get myself one to review. I bought myself a pre made Male Nereid Dildo from their store in a stunning combination of black and glow in the dark green. This is one toy that can really lighten up a dreary dark evening.
Tails and Portholes is run by Brandie Harris and she's a fully fledged mermaid who makes her own range of accessories out of silicone. It didn't take her long to come up with the idea of a Mer-folk themed dildo and so the Nereid was conceived.
As I started to fuck myself with it I could really feel the head of the toy rubbing on my G-spot and this coupled with the sensations caused by the scales had me getting very excited very quickly.
Now the Nereid looks stunning but does it do the job or is it as useless as a fish out of water? Read on to find out....
I have been wanting to try out the "Inner-selfie Stick" for a while now and so I jumped at the chance when the really nice people over at Sexcite asked me if I wanted to review it for them. I didn't need asking twice and couldn't wait for the chance to try out this ever so kinky take on the vibrator.
They sent me the Svakom Siime Eye Camera Vibrator from their excellent range of sex toys in exchange for an honest and impartial review.
The Svakom Siime Eye Camera Vibrator is the worlds first camera vibrator and it lets you see what no-one except your doctor has ever seen before. It is bound to be an instant hit with medical fetishist and anyone interested in seeing what happens internally when you orgasm.
I found that using it on my clit whilst viewing the output of the camera was very exciting.
So the question is, am I brave enough to show you what happens inside my vagina when I orgasm? Read on to find out.....
One of the biggest problems with having fun with Fucking Machines is the limited number of dildos that you can attach to them. Most fucking machines come with a Vac-u-lock adaptor which is great for quick dildo swaps but it ties you down to just a small range of dildos. I wanted to be able to use pretty much any dildo with my machines and so after looking round for solutions to this problem I found this one at www.fmachinefun.co.uk
One of my favourite uses of this adaptor is to use it to mount my Bad Dragon Flint dildo which allows me to fuck myself with it hard and fast to an amazing orgasm.
I was sent the Chi to review by the nice people over at SexToys.co.uk in exchange for an honest and unbiased review. Who was I to argue, I love silicone vibrators and this one looked really nice in the pics that I had seen on their website.
The Boom line of vibrators is new and I was looking forward to experiencing one of them myself. There are nine vibrators in the range and these include the Orna, the Olive, the Maple, the Elm, the Miki, the Lina, the Ayla, the Hada and finally the Chi which I have been sent.
The Boom Chi is a stylish water resistant 100% silicone vibrator with ten different settings. It costs just £39.99 which is £10 under the manufacturers RRP.
I find that penetration is incredibly easy with this toy due to its very rounded tip, it parts your inner lips easily and guides itself inside.
So on with the review, I have given this vibrator a thorough thrashing, so how does it perform?
I was asked by the good people over at Sexcite if I would be interested in reviewing a product for them and I of course jumped at the chance to try something new - in the interests of science I must add and not just because I love sex toys.
The Dive is billed as a lavish waterproof 100% silicone vibrator with seven different functions. It doesn't carry a hefty price tag (costing just £23.99) and this often means performance that is "almost there", the Dive shatters this preconception by bringing very quiet and powerful motors to the party. Was I surprised? - Yes.
I ended up fucking myself with the Dive hard and fast occasionally slipping it out to tease my clit before plunging it back into my pussy until I came really hard.
So on with the review, I'll be getting to more of the juicy details in a bit - I promise.....
As with anything else, it always pays to do your research when planning a major purchase. Hopefully, this guide will give you a few pointers to check up on before you part with your cash. Sex and Fucking Machines are expensive pieces of equipment, and as with any type of product out there the marketplace is filled with everything from junk to amazing bargains. I should know as I have tried the best and the worst.
This article aims to describe the different types of sex machines out there and what to look at when considering buying one. With some luck, it will help you avoid buying a lemon and mean that you get more fun and enjoyment out of your new bedroom accessory.
"Buying a Sex Machine is a huge commitment, there is a lot of choices available, and it definitely pays to do your homework and find out what really makes the machine that you are interested in better than the rest."Joanne
I can't say that I have enjoyed writing this review as mediocre product reviews are much harder to write than good ones. If I had to sum up this Rabbit Vibrator in one word it would in fact be "Meh". Yes I know it's a pretty poor choice of words but that matches my pretty poor choice when I bought this Rabbit, albeit with high hopes when I did so.
I bought it as it is billed as a "Gushing Rabbit", in other words you can get it to ejaculate inside you with your chosen liquid inside it. Might I suggest either CumLube or Spunk Lube Pink - wink, wink as I love these products and they suit this application very well indeed.
If they had got this feature right then in my opinion it would be a great Rabbit vibe but alas it falls a bit short of the mark. "Why's that Joanne?" I hear you cry, well bear with me and I will point out the bad bit as well as the good bits, yes this rabbit does have good points so it's not all bad news.
The gushing or ejaculation feature is an amazing idea and it does work, however the squirter is made from a very soft material that not only easily pulls off the tube, but if the lube you put inside is watery it tends to squirt out the side and not deep inside you which lets face it isn't where it's supposed to go.
Ok big intake of breath, here we go.....
Your foremost consideration when selecting a sex toy, whether it be a vibrator, dildo or anything for that matter is what material it's made out of. Some materials are amazing for sex toys and some are outright dangerous, I hope to shed some light on the best and the very worst of them out there to hopefully help you make an informed decision as to your next purchase. So in other words I am going to highlight:
"Materials I think are good for the pink and materials I'd frown at even for the brown."
To start off then I will concentrate on the best materials for sex toys and these are:
These are by far the best materials for sex toys and all of them are Phthalate free (more on this later in this article). All are non-porous which means that they don't have microscopic holes in them that are ideal breading grounds for bacteria and as such they can be safely shared if they are sterilised between users.
Remember that all of your sex toys should be non-porous, this makes them easy to clean and above all safe to use. Porous sex toys harbour bacteria that are very difficult to kill even with sex toy cleaners and these toys can easily give you bad yeast infections or worse.
I was sent this 8 Inch Dildo by SexToys.co.uk in exchange for an honest and frank review of it. At the time of writing this review it costs just £38.95 which is about par with the price on most sites that I checked.
This is another dildo that I have used with my F-Machine Pro and it's now a firm (snigger) favourite attachment for that machine.
This Dildo has both the length, texture and looks to really get my juices flowing. It's modelled from a real cock and the detail is superb, I particularly like the well definded head that feels great as it 'pops' past your vaginal opening. The balls give something for you to hold onto and squeeze, they feel amazing banging against you if you use it on a Fucking Machine.
I was sent the Loveline Leah Vibrator by SexToys.co.uk in exchange for an honest and frank review of it. At the time of writing this review it costs just £21.95 which is excellent value for money for what is a very nice entry level vibrator with some great characteristics.
A really lovely toy that both looks and feels great. I love the range of speeds, and the quietness of the motor. It would make an ideal choice for a first time vibe.
I, like many other women out there love rabbit vibrators and I've had quite a few in the past. This one is a really great rabbit toy. It is a relatively quiet toy, but not silent, I just turn the telly up a notch and can confidently use it when others are in the house. A good size, with great texture and some great speed settings ensures that the clit stim does absolute wonders.
At the time of writing the Jessica Rabbit Ultimate XXTRA G Rabbit Vibe costs just £34.95 which is great value for a sex toy that performs as well as this one does. The price had dropped since I was last browsing for rabbit vibes and so I was happy to save a couple of pounds on the deal from www.sextoys.co.uk
Alternatively, Donate to Joanne's Dungeon Fund To Bitcoin Address: