Joanne's Sex Machine and Sex Toy Reviews

Welcome to my siteWelcome to my site, I hope that you enjoy my reviews and articles. I have a fascination with sex toys and in particular sex and fucking machines, e-stim and BDSM.

I have a lot of fun doing what I do and I hope it shows in my reviews and articles.

I love hearing from my readers so please don't be shy, post a comment or get in touch.

Joanne xxx


Displaying items by tag: Sex Machine

The Probe And Probe Beast Fucking Machines From Orgasm Alley

It's nice to see these fucking machines in the UK with sexmachines.co.uk

It isn't very often that I get asked to review two (yes you read that right) fucking machines at the same time. So you can imagine my excitement when Dave from Sexmachines.co.uk asked me to give him my opinion of the Probe and Probe Beast from Orgasm Alley in the USA.

These are two machines that I have often lusted over and have heard a lot about, and so it was fantastic to be given the opportunity to be able to get my hands on them.

"The Probe Beast has a fantastic motor that I couldn't stall no matter how hard I tried. This is the perfect machine for hard anal fucking although you may have to lock the legs down to something as Newton's third law states that thusting a massive dildo into a tight hole can make a fucking machine walk."

Joanne

As always I didn't have to wait long for the courier to arrive with the two machines from sexmachines.co.uk as their service is exceptionally quick.

I could hardly contain my excitements when I started to unbox them, so read on to find out how these two machines compare against each other and my other machines as well.

Yubo F1 Fucking Machine From Sexmachines.co.uk

Another fun fucking machine from the sexmachines.co.uk range

I do have the best job in the world I think, especially when Dave from sexmachines.co.uk gets in touch with me asking if I would be interested in reviewing another fucking machine for them.

This time they want me to review the Yubo F1. I had seen some of the other Yubo machines on their site, and they seem ideal for anyone new to fucking machines due to their simplicity.

"Fucking machines never tire, they never complain, and you can trust them not to wipe their cock on your pillow after fucking you (don't ask LOL)."

Joanne

Of course, I agreed to review it for them as you know how much I enjoy my sex machine action. Fucking Machines are just so versatile, and it's always nice to try something new.

I went into this review with no expectations and having reviewed a lot of sex machines I looked forward to seeing how this one would compare with what I have reviewed in the past. So read on to find out where the Yubo F1 starts on my fucking machine starting grid.

Blue Balls XL 2.0 Fucking Machine Review

A machine that both surprised me and gave me a fantastic rodgering

I love my fucking machines and have used so many now that I am a bit of a connoisseur and I like to be pleasantly surprised by a machine's performance as that is definitely better than being underwhelmed.

Many years ago I tried a fucking machine called the Maestro, and it didn't really flick my switch having been spoilt by other better machines at the time.

"I love the way that fucking machines just never tire and they never give up. Believe me, you will be first to tap out when you can't take any more orgasms not the machine."

Joanne

I was delighted when Sexmachines.co.uk got in touch asking me if I would be interested in reviewing one of their new Blue Balls XL Version 2.0 fucking machines and I jumped at the chance to review it. Its design is very similar to the old Maestro, and I wanted to see if this one lives up to the hype about it as I have heard nothing but praise about the Blue Balls.

Sexmachines.co.uk have one of the most extensive selections of sex and fucking machines in the world, and they stock some of the best around. I really looked forward to seeing how this one performed, so read on to see what I think of it.

Caesar® 3.0 Love Machine - Fucking Machine Review

All hail Caesar. No, not the salad dressing, the Fucking Machine

This is a fucking machine that I have had my eyes on for a long time. It is now in its third design iteration, and improvements are continually being made to the design to improve its performance.

I was delighted when the lovely people over at sexmachine.co.uk got in touch asking if I would like to review one for them. As you can imagine, I almost fell off my chair in my haste to reply with a huge "Yes please".

"Once the dildo was inside me, I could just relax and enjoy the rhythmic fucking that I received, and on its highest setting, it ripped an orgasm out of me in quick order."

Joanne

This is the fourth machine that I have reviewed for them, you can see the others here. It was sent to me for free in exchange for a fair and honest evaluation of its performance and this will not affect the outcome of this review.

One of my primary interests in this machine is its unique leg arrangements which are unlike anything I have reviewed before. So read on to see what I think of this machines performance.

Spanking Machine v.2 Review

Machine delivered corporal punishment

I learned something new recently; spanking machines are a thing! I was delighted when the good people over at sexmachines.co.uk got in touch asking if I would be interested in reviewing one of them.

The chance to review another sex machine was too good to miss and as I do enjoy a good spanking, and so does submissive 'r' I jumped at the chance.

"I have been on the receiving end of it a couple of times now, but it is submissive 'r' who has really tested this out under the steadying hand of my Stunt Cock."

Joanne

I was then left viewing the assembly video on the sexmachines.co.uk website to understand how it all goes together so that I didn't waste any time when it arrived.

I didn't have to wait long as sexmachines.co.uk are always very quick with their deliveries.

uFUC PRO v.2 Fucking Machine Review

A fucking machine that was so much fun to get to know - intimately.

With a myriad of fucking machines on the market, it is always hard to work out what is good or merely a waste of money. I love reviewing sex machines as it means that there is more information out there for customers to make informed decisions before parting with their hard-earned cash.

I was therefore delighted when Sexmachines.co.uk got in touch asking for another impartial review of one of the best selling machines, the uFuc Pro.

"It has a lot of power, even managing to start a double ended dildo slowly when it was fully inserted after I had stopped it on purpose. Some cheap machines don't have the torque to do that, and you go from stop to high speed, but this one is smooth and fantastic. I was genuinely impressed."

Joanne

I jumped at the chance of reviewing another machine for them, and they sent me this one in exchange for a fair and impartial review.

So without letting anything out of the bag read on to find out if this one is a keeper or just a wannabee performer.

Willie Wanka mk II Fantasy Fucking Machine Review

The Willie Wanka is a pussy and ass pleaser

As you can tell by the domain name of my site I have a real passion for fucking and sex machines. There is something magical about using one and feeling the raw power and unwavering performance that will outlast even the most ardent rider.

The biggest problem with sex and fucking machines are their cost which was one of the reasons that I set up my site. I wanted to review sexmachines so that people could make informed choices before spending their hard earned money.

"It takes a lot of torque to overcome the resistance of a buried dildo and this machines copes with that in its stride."

Joanne

But the high costs mean that it isn't often that I get to review a new fucking machine, but it's always a huge treat when I do so. I have reviewed some of the most expensive sex machines on the market. However, it is the cheaper machines, the entry ones if you like that interest me as they are affordable options to enter the world of mechanical sex.

I was therefore delighted when the lovely people over at sexmachines.co.uk got in touch asking if I would be interested in reviewing the Willie Wanka mk II fucking machine for them. I jumped at the chance (obviously), and they sent me this machine for free in exchange for a fair and honest review of it. So here are my thoughts on this fun looking machine.

The Sybian Riders Guide

Getting the most bang for your buck with a Sybian

The Sybian is a legend in its own right, for 30 years it has been providing hard orgasms to women all around the world.

It's without a doubt the most powerful vibrator that I have ever had the privilege of having between my legs but getting the most out of it requires some thought and lots of practice.

It's all too easy just to straddle it and then really ramp up the power too quickly but that will leave you sore and probably a little jaded about its capabilities. Instead, follow these simple steps to ensure that you get the most out of a Sybian.

Step 1 - Do you need a riser?

The Sybian is a powerfull vibrator that you straddleThe Sybian comes with a set of red risers and these two attachment raise the clitoral area of the attachment to give more clitoral stimulation and after riding your Sybian a few times you will know if you need them or not. They allow the Sybian to be fine-tuned to anyone physique.

Step 2 - Choose the right attachment

Sybian now produce a range of attachments in different materials. Their original range come in a material called C-Flex which is good but it isn't the best choices for insertable materials.

They have now supplemented that with a range of new silicone attachments and these have some very clever designs that feel amazing. I was lucky enough to be one of the first to try someone them and you can read my reviews of the new Sybian attachments here on my site.

Your first choice is material, I prefer the Silicone attachments but go with what you like. Your second choice will be whether to go for an insertable attachment or an external one. Basically, some attachments have raised phallic sections designed to penetrate you and some just have a ridge for external clitoral stimulation.

Make sure that you fit the correct rod or spring to an insertable attachment. Only use red rods if you are using the red risers. These risers are used to raise the clitoral stimulation of your attachment and they, therefore, need a slightly longer rod. Using a red rod without the red risers risks having it damage your attachment.

Step 3 - Lube up!

Even if you don't normally use lube when masturbating use some lube on your attachment as it is really going to be moving when you start to play and lube makes everything better as we all know. Use a good quality water-based lube such as Sliquid H2O.

Step 4 - Saddle up!

Now it's time to let the fun begin. Most people use the Sybian on a soft surface as it helps to reduce the noise. I usually fold up an old duvet and place mine on there. Get yourself comfortable, your clitoris should be in contact with the attachment and nothing should feel uncomfortable. If you are not comfortable then wriggle around until you are.

If you have knee problems and struggle with kneeling you can place the Sybian on a chair or platform and that way it's easy to straddle without putting pressure on your knees.

The Sybian is an incredible sex machine

Step 5 - Start off slowly

I recommend using the controls yourself, especially if you are using the Sybian for the first time. Often people who get to control the Sybian get carried away and turn everything up too high too quickly. For your first orgasm use the controls yourself as this will give you much more control as you learn how to ride it properly.

Start off by setting the rotation of the internal part of the attachment so it's how you like it. This control alters the speed that the insertable portion of the attachment moves around inside of you stimulating the area of your G-spot. Think of a finger being wriggled around making a circular motion at its tip and that is basically how it moves inside you. If using an external attachment then just leave the rotation feature switched off.

Here comes the best bit. Start the vibrations off with a very low setting. Get yourself warmed up and enjoy the deep rumbly vibrations that the Sybian delivers. As you become more aroused slowly increase the tempo, let your body decide how high to go and don't rush. The best orgasms on a Sybian come from slowly letting everything build up to a mighty crescendo.

Listen to your body and alter the speed setting accordingly, remember that you can go down as well as up with the controls. I like to edge myself, taking myself to the brink of an orgasm and then denying it by slowing down again. Each time I get more and more aroused.

Grinding against the Sybian attachment is very pleasurable, just move your hips and grind your clitoris into the raised part of the attachment to really ramp up the pleasure.

Riding the Sybian is not a raceEventually, when you are ready, push on and tip yourself over the edge into a mind-blowing orgasm. Sybian orgasms are felt throughout your lower body and they tend to roll on and on. I find that by not stopping but by lowering the power slightly I can roll into another orgasm and then another until I can take it no more and literally collapse onto the floor.

I often end up squirting on the Sybian and it's the only sex toy to have ever managed to make me to do that. So you may want to place a towel under yours to catch anything.

Step 6 - Take it further and play with a friend.

There is nothing better than having a partner behind you holding you tight as you ride a Sybian. Whispering in your ear and supporting you as you cum. When you are happy then give them the controls and let them dictate the tempo of your play.

Sharing Sybian sessions is a very special thing and why not try sex in the doggy position over a Sybian with an external attachment. You will get the direct stimulation from the Sybian through your Clitoris and your partner will have his balls resting on the Sybian and your whole pussy will be vibrating. Trust me you will both end up in a quivering heap having sex this way and it's a great way to finish a session on the Sybian.

Conclusion

The Sybian is an amazing sex machine but it's one that takes some experimentation with to get the most out of it. Don't rush, it isn't a race (unless you want to see how fast you can cum of course). Edging yourself can be lots of fun and there is a great deal of difference in the sensations from internal and external attachments so experiment with both.

If you let someone else control it then make sure that they go slow and tease you to a knee-trembling orgasm.

If you don't own a Sybian but want to try before buying then check out the manufacturers 45 day money back satisfaction guarantee. Or, if you live in the UK then why not hire one to see what all the fuss is about from Fucking Machine Fun. Tell them both that Joanne says "Hi".

Have fun and enjoy your ride....

The MotorBunny Sybian Style Ride On Sex Machine Review

This piece of sextech is pretty impressive and delivers cracking orgasms

I was asked to review the MotorBunny sex machine by the amazing @CaraSutra as part of her Pleasure Panel Reviewer Program. I jumped at the chance to try this new entry into the marketplace as it isn't often that you get to try a new sex machine now is it?

The MotorBunny borrows its roots from the amazing Sybian sex machine, for those of you who haven't heard of the Sybian - where have you been all of your life? It's a veritable legend, a TV and radio star in its own rights and riding it caused me to squirt for the first time in my life. Oh, happy memories.

An orgasm on the Motorbunny is like someone has dropped a hand-grenade into a kettle. Yes, the water slowly starts to boil and then 'BANG' the grenade explodes and blows the kettle apart.

Joanne

Having thoroughly enjoyed a Sybian I was really keen to see just how well the MotorBunny would perform, as the Sybian is a hard act to follow.

G-Egg, Orb & Triple Delight Silicone Sybian Attachments

I Am One Lucky Reviewer (who could hardly walk after a week with a Sybian)

I was happilly tweeting away one day when Karen sent me a message asking if I would be interested in reviewing one of their latest creations - the silicone G-Egg? I replied that I would love to but I don't own a Sybian (unfortunately) as I got hold of one through @FuckMachineIan's rental service. To my delight Karen got in touch with Ian and they both worked some magic. Two weeks later a Sybian arrived with not just one new silicone attachment to review but three. I couldn't believe my luck and actually considered going out and buying a National Lottery ticket as my luck was running high. I was spoilt for choice with a G-Egg, an Orb and a Triple Delight attachment all in a stunning shade of purple (my favourite colour).

Now, for those of you that don't know the Sybian is a legendary sex toy and a star of TV and radio shows alike, it has the ability to literally rip orgasms from you again and again and can be an instrument of sweet bliss or absolute torture depending on whose hands the controls are in. I really enjoyed previously reviewing one and you can read that review HERE.

It was like an epiphany when I found the sweet spot and I just kept orgasming over and over again with it and for those of you curious, yes it made me squirt.

Joanne

I had been given a Sybian for a week so that I could get to know all three attachments intimately and can honestly say it was one hell of a week but I don't think the neighbours like me anymore LOL. So, what's the fuss all about with the new range of Silicone Sybian Attachments? Well read on to find out just how good they are and why if you own a Sybian you should consider getting some of them in to enjoy.

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