Looking for a fantastic range of sex machines? Check out Cartel De Amore

It is no secret that I love sex and fucking machines in general, relishing the sheer power and performance of them. They never tire, slow or falter, a fucking machine has one job, and it is designed to do it exceptionally well.

But, where can you get one from? What sort of machines are best suited to my circumstances? These are questions that I often get asked, and in this sponsored post, I am going to point you to a company that can take care of your every fucking and sex machine needs. Let me introduce you to Cartel De Amore, based in Anaheim, California.

"Be sure to check out the machines over at Cartel De Amore, and don't forget to tell them that Joanne says "Hi""

Joanne

They carry a fantastic range of sex machines as well as all the attachments that you can think of to enhance your experience. With so many sex machines to choose from, it can be hard to sort out what would be the best option for you. So, in my usual style, I'm going to break them down into a few categories and make some recommendations for you to think about.

This article will cover standard fucking machines, vibrating sex machines, male milking machines and some recommendations on attachments.

I think I have found my new favourite fucking machine

When HiSmith got in touch to tell me that they were sending one of their premium fucking machines to review, you can understand me grinning like a Cheshire Cat for a while.

I have seen their machines in action at various trade shows and was keen to see how one of their top machines would perform.

"I have enjoyed this fucking machine both anally and vaginally, and it's totally capable of pleasuring you in either orifice. Fucking machines just don't tire, they will go on and on leaving you to tap out when you eventually can't take it any more."

Joanne

HiSmith is getting some great feedback about the performance of their machines, and I could hardly contain my excitement when the doorbell rang when this one arrived.

So, this review is going to be reasonably long, but this machine deserves a thorough assessment, and so do you, so here we go.

An adaptor kit with vagina and penis owners in mind

Hismith has been rocking the boat in the world of fucking machines. They have come up with some very lovely designs with great features and fantastic performance.

So, in December, when I received a package from them containing not just a fucking machine but also two attachment kits, you can understand my excitement.

"This is another fantastic attachment set, a lot of thought has gone into the selection of the adaptors. With it, you can pretty much mount anything to your machine."

Joanne

I have already reviewed the Pro Traveler KlicLok Sex Machine and the Attachment Kit For Females. It's now time to share my opinion of the Expansion Set For Men & Women, or penis and vagina owners.

So, let me tell you what you get with this expansion set and why it is good value for money.

A fantastic adaptor kit with vagina owners in mind

In December I was sent a HiSmith Pro Traveler KlicLok Sex Machine to review and along with it I received two adaptor sets (this one and the Lovers kit).

This is a review of the Expansion Set For Women.

"This is a great little attachment set that has had a lot of thought put into it. Each of the five attachments is useful, it isn't a case of a couple and others thrown in to bulk the set out."

Joanne

It is an expansion kit that contains lots of extra attachments so that you can mount some of your favourite sex toys on the business end of your fucking machine.

So let me tell you all about what you get in this expansion kit and what it will allow you to do.

This pint sized fucking machine delivered some fantastic orgasms

As a lover of sex and fucking machines, I do like to keep myself abreast of developments in the market place where both are concerned. HiSmith is a dutch based company that I have long had my eyes upon. They are creating some fantastic looking fucking machines that are receiving excellent comments and feedback.

I have met them a couple of times at trade shows, where I was blown away by their range of machines. I was therefore delighted when they got in touch to ask if I would give their latest fucking machine a thorough reviewing.

"It spent five days at Eurodisney helping sub'r' to get over hard days of walking and enjoying herself. I can attest that it is perfect for anyone considering taking a fucking machine on holiday."

Joanne

Well, as you can imagine, I jumped at the chance, this is a fucking machine designed with travelling in mind. As luck would have it, I was about to send my Stunt Cock to EuroDisney with sub'r' for her birthday. So, it was the perfect opportunity to put this "traveler" to the test. No doubt they are both going straight to hell for using a fucking machine at Mickey Mouseland but live life to the full I say.

After taking this fucking machine on a real holiday and having used it myself upon their return, it is time to write up my thoughts about it. So, without further ado, here are my thoughts on the HiSmith Pro Traveler KlicLok Sex Machine.

Slide and glide your way to an orgasm with this Monkey Rocker style sex machine

As anyone who reads my blog regularly knows, I have a thing for fucking machines in all of their forms. One thing I have been longing to try is a monkey rocker style ride on Fucking Machine.

So when Dave from sexmachines.co.uk got in touch asking if I would be interested in reviewing one you can imagine that it didn't take me long to reply with a resounding yes, please.

"Having got used to controlling the Love Rider, I have had some very lovely orgasms riding it. It is one of those sex machines that is also very good for putting on a show. As you ride it anyone in the room with you gets an excellent display of the dildo sliding in and out of you."

Joanne

This style of sex machine is entirely human-powered, you use your weight and legs muscles to glide back and forth, and a mechanical linkage turns that linear motion into the thrusting action of the dildo.

Sound like a lot of fun, doesn't it? Read on to find out how I got on with it.

Another machine that proves the adage that you get what you pay for

Having recently reviewed the S1 Cheap Sex Machine Bundle for sexmachines.co.uk I was excited to see another machine arrive in the post.

This time it was one of the Machine Gun style fucking machines, the S2. I have heard lots of things about this type of device, unfortunately, none of it has been good.

"I did think the sticker on the side of the machine was almost as funny as the instructions, apparently, it's a Happiness Browser."

Joanne

I often get e-mails from people who own one asking if they are doing something wrong when setting it up, so it was nice to finally get my hands on one of them to see it for myself.

Unfortunately, this is going to be a review that may sound a little whiney as it was challenging to find any positives about this machine. So with a weary heart, it is on with the review.

A sub £50 fucking machine sounds too good to be true

I do enjoy my fucking machines and have quite a bit of experience with them now. I always relish the opportunity to try new ones out as that gives me an excellent opportunity to compare their features and performance with others that I have enjoyed.

Fucking machine reviews are so much fun to write, as usually, you can pretty much guarantee a good time while getting to know them (in the name of science of course).

That is, they are usually fun to write, this review is a little different as you will see. The problem with writing reviews is that sooner or later something is going to land on your lap (or between your legs in this case) that really stretches your ability to give it a fair evaluation.

The S1 Cheap Sex Machine is one such product, so settle back with a cup of coffee and a biscuit and let me tell you why I will not be recommending this particular cheap sex machine.

It's nice to see these fucking machines in the UK with sexmachines.co.uk

It isn't very often that I get asked to review two (yes you read that right) fucking machines at the same time. So you can imagine my excitement when Dave from Sexmachines.co.uk asked me to give him my opinion of the Probe and Probe Beast from Orgasm Alley in the USA.

These are two machines that I have often lusted over and have heard a lot about, and so it was fantastic to be given the opportunity to be able to get my hands on them.

"The Probe Beast has a fantastic motor that I couldn't stall no matter how hard I tried. This is the perfect machine for hard anal fucking although you may have to lock the legs down to something as Newton's third law states that thusting a massive dildo into a tight hole can make a fucking machine walk."

Joanne

As always I didn't have to wait long for the courier to arrive with the two machines from sexmachines.co.uk as their service is exceptionally quick.

I could hardly contain my excitements when I started to unbox them, so read on to find out how these two machines compare against each other and my other machines as well.

Another fun fucking machine from the sexmachines.co.uk range

I do have the best job in the world I think, especially when Dave from sexmachines.co.uk gets in touch with me asking if I would be interested in reviewing another fucking machine for them.

This time they want me to review the Yubo F1. I had seen some of the other Yubo machines on their site, and they seem ideal for anyone new to fucking machines due to their simplicity.

"Fucking machines never tire, they never complain, and you can trust them not to wipe their cock on your pillow after fucking you (don't ask LOL)."

Joanne

Of course, I agreed to review it for them as you know how much I enjoy my sex machine action. Fucking Machines are just so versatile, and it's always nice to try something new.

I went into this review with no expectations and having reviewed a lot of sex machines I looked forward to seeing how this one would compare with what I have reviewed in the past. So read on to find out where the Yubo F1 starts on my fucking machine starting grid.

A machine that both surprised me and gave me a fantastic rodgering

I love my fucking machines and have used so many now that I am a bit of a connoisseur and I like to be pleasantly surprised by a machine's performance as that is definitely better than being underwhelmed.

Many years ago I tried a fucking machine called the Maestro, and it didn't really flick my switch having been spoilt by other better machines at the time.

"I love the way that fucking machines just never tire and they never give up. Believe me, you will be first to tap out when you can't take any more orgasms not the machine."

Joanne

I was delighted when Sexmachines.co.uk got in touch asking me if I would be interested in reviewing one of their new Blue Balls XL Version 2.0 fucking machines and I jumped at the chance to review it. Its design is very similar to the old Maestro, and I wanted to see if this one lives up to the hype about it as I have heard nothing but praise about the Blue Balls.

Sexmachines.co.uk have one of the most extensive selections of sex and fucking machines in the world, and they stock some of the best around. I really looked forward to seeing how this one performed, so read on to see what I think of it.

All hail Caesar. No, not the salad dressing, the Fucking Machine

This is a fucking machine that I have had my eyes on for a long time. It is now in its third design iteration, and improvements are continually being made to the design to improve its performance.

I was delighted when the lovely people over at sexmachine.co.uk got in touch asking if I would like to review one for them. As you can imagine, I almost fell off my chair in my haste to reply with a huge "Yes please".

"Once the dildo was inside me, I could just relax and enjoy the rhythmic fucking that I received, and on its highest setting, it ripped an orgasm out of me in quick order."

Joanne

This is the fourth machine that I have reviewed for them, you can see the others here. It was sent to me for free in exchange for a fair and honest evaluation of its performance and this will not affect the outcome of this review.

One of my primary interests in this machine is its unique leg arrangements which are unlike anything I have reviewed before. So read on to see what I think of this machines performance.

A dildo from the Gods, the Hercules as its name suggests is power encarnate

There aren't that many dildo artisans in the UK, but Godemiche is one of them. Run by Adam and Monika they produce a fantastic range of dildos and butt plugs in body-safe silicone.

I have been fortunate in the past to have reviewed the Adam Silicone Dildo and The Peg Anal Dildo for Godemiche, the Peg is also a fantastic beginners butt plug by the way.

"A feature I love about this dildo is the fact that it is uncircumcised. This is the first dildo that I have owned that has an apparent foreskin, it's half withdrawn, and this makes the head fascinating to look at."

Joanne

I was delighted then when Ian from fmachinefun.co.uk asked if I would be interested in reviewing a Hercules for Godemiche. A version of the Hercules with a Vac-u-lock hole in flesh is now in stock at FmachineFun, and Ian thought it would be nice to hear my thoughts on it.

So as you can imagine, I was delighted to be able to review this behemoth of a dildo, and I was even more surprised when I got to see its fantastic colours when it arrived. So without further ado, here are my thoughts on the Hercules Dildo.

A fucking machine that was so much fun to get to know - intimately.

With a myriad of fucking machines on the market, it is always hard to work out what is good or merely a waste of money. I love reviewing sex machines as it means that there is more information out there for customers to make informed decisions before parting with their hard-earned cash.

I was therefore delighted when Sexmachines.co.uk got in touch asking for another impartial review of one of the best selling machines, the uFuc Pro.

"It has a lot of power, even managing to start a double ended dildo slowly when it was fully inserted after I had stopped it on purpose. Some cheap machines don't have the torque to do that, and you go from stop to high speed, but this one is smooth and fantastic. I was genuinely impressed."

Joanne

I jumped at the chance of reviewing another machine for them, and they sent me this one in exchange for a fair and impartial review.

So without letting anything out of the bag read on to find out if this one is a keeper or just a wannabee performer.

The Willie Wanka is a pussy and ass pleaser

As you can tell by the domain name of my site I have a real passion for fucking and sex machines. There is something magical about using one and feeling the raw power and unwavering performance that will outlast even the most ardent rider.

The biggest problem with sex and fucking machines are their cost which was one of the reasons that I set up my site. I wanted to review sexmachines so that people could make informed choices before spending their hard earned money.

"It takes a lot of torque to overcome the resistance of a buried dildo and this machines copes with that in its stride."

Joanne

But the high costs mean that it isn't often that I get to review a new fucking machine, but it's always a huge treat when I do so. I have reviewed some of the most expensive sex machines on the market. However, it is the cheaper machines, the entry ones if you like that interest me as they are affordable options to enter the world of mechanical sex.

I was therefore delighted when the lovely people over at sexmachines.co.uk got in touch asking if I would be interested in reviewing the Willie Wanka mk II fucking machine for them. I jumped at the chance (obviously), and they sent me this machine for free in exchange for a fair and honest review of it. So here are my thoughts on this fun looking machine.

As you will probably be aware, I have a thing for sex and fucking machines and love playing with them. Either using them on someone, playing on my own with them or being teased with them by someone else. I would love to be able to review more to give you all the benefit of an honest and detailed review but they cost a lot of money so in real terms sex machine reviews will be few and far between.

I am constantly saving up for new toys and fucking machines and when I have enough I will be working my way through this list of delights. If you fancy chipping in to help me buy one then I will be forever in your debt, just get in touch with me to help me review these incredible products.

If you are a retailer or manufacturer and want me to do a review of them then please do get in touch I would love to be able to review something for you. Well without further ado, here is a wishlist of the machines that I would love to be able to experience and review for you all.....


Love Rider - Funky Rocker Clone

Loverider Monkey RockerAvailable from: sexmachines.co.uk
Price: £190.80

It sounds like a great concept, you use your own muscles and body movements to literally fuck yourself as hard and as fast as you want.

You sit on the Love Rider and thrust yourself forward and backwards, the linkage on it then translates that movement into the up and down thrusts of a dildo mounted on it.

With a maximum stroke length of eight inches I can't wait to be able to ride it to some great orgasms. Whilst enjoying the exercise.


Tango Fucking Machine

Tango Fucking MachineAvailable from: sexmachines.co.uk
Price: £2,700

This is state of the art fucking machine and I like the fact that you can program it to create unique fucking sensations. It offers a lot of potential for BDSM games and subbie fun.

It can deliver upto 300 thrusts per minute which should keep me happy and you can use vac-u-lock dildos on it as well as a male masturbator.

If you set it to short strokes you can get upto 1000 strokes a minute - WOW.

With a maximum stroke length of eleven inches I wont be complaining at all. This is the Daddy of all fucking machines and one day I hope to experience one.


The Cowgirl

The Cowgirl Sex machineAvailable from: sexmachines.co.uk
Price: £1,260

This looks like a fantastic Sybian clone, I recently reviewed both the Sybian and the Motorbunny and I would love to see how the Cowgirl performs alongside them both.

It is a ride on sex machine that you straddle and it vibrates at an amazing rate with incredible power. I would love to see if it could drag orgasms out of me like a Sybian and make me squirt like the Motorbunny did.

This style of sex machine is amazing and they put wand style vibrators to shame with their unbridled power.

I'm not sure if the machine or me yelling "Yeeeeha!" would be louder while riding it.


If you feel like donating to my sex machine fund or like my site then please consider sending some Bitcoin or buying me a coffee.

Feel free to make a donation to buy me a coffee of help me save up enough to buy my next machine.
My Bitcoin Address: 1M5JMQi8Bsh1o3h8aHCfqbo1wJqoSgjEyj

The Shockspot Is The Rolls Royce Of Fucking Machines

When you ask someone to name their dream car you will often hear names like Ferarri, Porsche and Lambourghini and these cars are at the top of the pyramid and quite rightly so. When it comes to Fucking Machines there are only a couple of contenders for the position of the best one and the Shockspot is definitely a contender for the title. I have been saving for a very long time to be able to get my hands on one of these and have been using it now for just over a month and so I feel that I know it well enough by now to give it a thorough reviewing.

The Shockspot is a sex machine designed and manufactured to order in the USA. I got mine through the lovely people over at www.fmachinefun.co.uk, this is the third machine that I have reviewed from them.

The thing is that this machine is so good you can give yourself a quickie on it or you can really take your time and enjoy a long slow sensuous fuck.

The Shockspot has a pretty good reputation and I certainly put it to the test so how did it perform....

Universal Stainless Steel Fucking Machine Adaptor

One of the biggest problems with having fun with Fucking Machines is the limited number of dildos that you can attach to them. Most fucking machines come with a Vac-u-lock adaptor which is great for quick dildo swaps but it ties you down to just a small range of dildos. I wanted to be able to use pretty much any dildo with my machines and so after looking round for solutions to this problem I found this one at www.fmachinefun.co.uk

One of my favourite uses of this adaptor is to use it to mount my Bad Dragon Flint dildo which allows me to fuck myself with it hard and fast to an amazing orgasm.

Thinking About Buying A Sex Or Fucking Machine?

As with anything else, it always pays to do your research when planning a major purchase. Hopefully, this guide will give you a few pointers to check up on before you part with your cash. Sex and Fucking Machines are expensive pieces of equipment, and as with any type of product out there the marketplace is filled with everything from junk to amazing bargains. I should know as I have tried the best and the worst.

This article aims to describe the different types of sex machines out there and what to look at when considering buying one. With some luck, it will help you avoid buying a lemon and mean that you get more fun and enjoyment out of your new bedroom accessory.

"Buying a Sex Machine is a huge commitment, there is a lot of choices available, and it definitely pays to do your homework and find out what really makes the machine that you are interested in better than the rest."

Joanne

Bad Dragons Famous (or is it Infamous) Cum Lube Jizz Substitute

Bad Dragon have an option on their dildos to have a CumTube fitted and this allows for some pretty intense Creampie fun and games as your dildo can actually be made to ejaculate inside you when you are ready for it. I personally love the feeling of a cock or dildo unloading deep inside me as I push myself over the edge into a powerful orgasm almost as much as I enjoy the sticky wet feeling as a cock or toy is withdrawn from me and it all trickles back out.

Cum Lube is a waterbased lubricant that looks and feels just like the real sticky stuff and it is a lot of fun to play with. It even has a slight salty taste to it (I'd best not get into how I know that LOL).

I was a total mess when I pulled the dildo out and it seemed to not stop running out of me. I ended up rubbing it into my clit and scooping it up and rubbing it into my breasts and nipples until I came again.

If you order a Bad Dragon dildo with a cum tube you get a 250ml bottle of Cum Lube along with a sealed syringe (no sharp needle though thankfully) and the syringe fits the cum tube perfectly. You simply put as much of the Cum Lube into the syringe that you want and then attach the cum tube.

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