The Alien Hooligan Dildo gives me thoughts of the dancing elephants from Fantasia

Once again, I was delighted when a package arrived from John Thomas Toys, creators of some stunning silicone dicks and plugs.

Excited as I was, I wasn't prepared for just how amazing the contents of the box looked once I had ripped it open.

"The Alien Hooligan comes into its own on a fucking machine or secured firmly with the included vac-u-lock suction cup adaptor. On a fucking machine, you can just lay back and focus on the sensations that the veins and that head generate."

Joanne

Inside I found four Alien Hooligan Dildos in stunning baby blue coloured silicone complete with their storage bags and a suction cup vac-u-lock adaptor.

After spending lots of 'intimate time' with the Alien Hooligan range of dildos along with my delightful submissive, the lovely sub'r', we are ready to give our opinion of this out of this world dildo from John Thomas Toys. So, read on to find out more about this lovely creation.

A silicone dildo that will light up your masturbation sessions

Having recently really enjoyed reviewing the fantastic BEASTLI silicone dildo from John Thomas Toys, I jumped at the chance to review another.

When they got in touch saying they had an unusual dildo that I might enjoy, I have to admit being immediately curious and hooked. I hastily agreed, and they sent me the entire range of four Cleopatra's Candles.

"It's sort of like a Rubik's Cube for your pussy to try to solve. Wiggling back and forth getting the angle just right so it pops into you is a lot of fun, and it takes your breath away when it suddenly slides in."

Joanne

Yes, you read that right 'candles'. This is a dildo designed to look just like a candle, complete with wax running down the sides to give it some nice textures.

I could hardly contain my excitement when the doorbell rang with this latest batch of dildos from John Thomas Toys, so let me tell you all about them.

A texture lovers dream come true

Well, it isn't often that I get approached by a completely new sex toy manufacturer that are producing the kind of dildos that I love right here in the UK.

To say I was delighted when John Thomas Toys got in touch would be an understatement. They wanted me to review one of their newest creations, the Beastli Platinum Silicone Dildo.

"Both sub'r' and I have had a lot of fun getting to know the Beastli dildos with her enjoying the small and as I like a challenge I have been using the medium and the large (that was a squeeze I can tell you)."

Joanne

I obviously jumped at the chance to get my hands (and other parts of my anatomy) on these fantastic looking silicone fantasy dildos packed with really pronounced textures.

Looking like a cross between a Size Queen and a Texture Queens wettest dream, I could hardly contain my excitement as I waited for them to arrive.

A fantasy dragon dildo with lots of texture and girth

It appears that several sex toy companies have concluded that my pussy loves large fantasy silicone dildos. No complaints from me though, as that's a pretty accurate assessment of my pussies dietary needs.

So when Uberkinky sent me this beautifully sculpted 100% platinum silicone Sinnovator Typhon dildo I was over the moon.

"The Typhon from Sinnovator is a dildo that will challenge you to take more and more. Indeed you will always want to take just a little bit more as it stretches you wide open. It awakens carnal instincts in me, and I love riding this beast of a dildo."

Joanne

Silicone dildos are one of my favourite types of sex toys, and when a stunning dildo like this one from a new manufacturer arrives in the post, you can be sure that it makes my day.

So after spending a few weeks getting to know the Sinnovator Typhon, here are my thoughts on it.

A texture lovers fantasy dildo wet dream

I love Hankey's Toys silicone dildos, they are famous for being incredibly detailed and also larger than life. Fantastic for size queens or anyone wanting to stretch and train for huge dildos.

Recently they brought out their XS range of nine of their most popular dildos, shrunk down to more modest proportions. That means more people than ever before can enjoy the delights of Hankey's Toys.

"I can't take it anally but sub'r' loved the texture in her backside too and fucking her with a strap-on harness like that was very exciting. She also loves sucking on it deeply stating that every sub should be able to deep throat any cock. I have to admire her conviction on that is this is a really girthy dildo."

Joanne

I was sent two dildos from the XS collection, this one and the XS BFG. After enjoying them myself, I sent the Dragon dildo to my submissive for her comments on this cracking little dildo.

So this review is a combination of both of our thoughts on this very nicely textured dildo. Read on to find out what we thought if it.

The BFG fantasy silicone dildo from Mr Hankey teases and pleases

I love dildos that have lots of textures, and so does sub'r'. We both relish the delightful sensations that they generate as you thrust them in and out of any waiting orifice.

We were both delighted when Mr Hankey sent us something from the new Xtra-Small Series. It was the BFG which is a silicone dildo covered in delightful textures.

"Thrusting with it is sublime. The combination of the textures, changes in diameter and the constant pressure on my g-spot means I can get myself off quickly with the BFG. I also enjoy long slow lady-wanks with it too, it is a very versatile dildo."

sub 'r'

The BFG is more commonly known as the Big Fucking Genital. It is available in four huge sizes as well as this more modestly proportioned one.

The Xtra-Small Series is fantastic as it opens up the great Mr Hankeys designs to a broader audience, so let me tell you how much fun this dildo can be.

The Beowulf is a silicone dildo of beastly proportions

I have long been a fan of Hankeys Toys, their silicone delights are a sight to behold. With a reputation for larger than life dildos, they are a size queens dream.

I was therefore delighted when they got in touch with me asking if I would like to review the Beowulf for them as well as two of their new XS range of dildos.

"It just gets better and better as you slide more inside with each inch of this dildo opening you up wider and wider until you feel you can't take any more."

Joanne

As you can well imagine, it didn't take me long to decide on how to reply, the chance to enjoy some Hankeys Silicone is not to be missed.

So after a short wait, the doorbell rang, and I went to receive a box of dicks from the courier. Many bottles of lube later, I am ready to tell you all about the Beowulf and what I think of it. So read on to how I got on with it.

Let the Helios Sun God into your life, or between your thighs

Here is my next review of another amazing Uberrime creation for PeepShowToys.com in the USA. It has yet again been so much fun reviewing another fantastic Uberrime dildo.

Uberrime has quickly become one of my favourite dildo brands, up there with the likes of Blush, and that is high praise indeed.

"The Helios is so flexible you can actually fold it in half, and that flexibility makes it easy to thrust with from any angle or position."

Joanne

The Helios Sun God Dildo is a fantasy dildo, and that means lots of delicious texture and some stunning colours, of course.

So while my pussy recovers from its last pounding by the Helios let me tell you all about this stunning dildo that will be a treat for any orifice.

Uberrime have come up with another great fantasy silicone dildo

This is a review of a dildo that could be from anyone's dreams or maybe nightmares if you don't like tentacles.

The Uberrime Xenuphora Tentacle Dildo was sent to us by PeepShowToys in the US, and all of us here were blown away by its bright, vibrant colours and its shape. It is stunning in every way.

"The Xenuphora is a dildo designed for intense stimulation as you thrust and the shape and textures ensure that its performance is top notch."

Joanne

After spending some time getting to know it, I can say that it feels as good as it looks.

But, it doesn't have some drawbacks so read on to find out how sub'r' and I got on with this beautiful fantasy dildo.

A dual-density dildo that really hits the spot

I just love receiving packages from PeepShowToys in the USA. Whenever I get a delivery from them, it means only one thing, and that is that my pussy is soon going to be purring.

They stock a fantastic selection of body-safe sex toys, and their dildos are amazing. They sent me another Uberrime dildo to review, and I couldn't wait to get cracking with this one.

"The pearlescent pigments create a beautiful marbling effect that glistens in the light. It really is a beautiful colour option, and it looks so enticing."

Joanne

The Uberrime Splendid Dual-Density Silicone Dildo looks and feels fantastic. It comes in four different colour options, and this one is the Pearl Blue. The way it shimmers is lovely, and it's a sight to behold.

So, what did we think of this dildo, is it another hit or an unfortunate miss? Read on to find out.

A fantastic fantasy dildo, have some Night King fun as winter is coming

I'm so pleased to have been given the opportunity to review the Uberrime Night King Fantasy Dildo Fire & Ice edition. This ladies and gentlemen is a dildo that went beyond my expectations.

From its stunning colours blending their way down its shaft to the deliciously rich textures, it is made for pleasure.

"When drawn over my clitoris, each ridge sends sparks through me that quickly have my free hand clawing at the sheets. A combination of clit play and deep penetration is precisely how I love to play, and it is an easy task with the Night King Fantasy Dildo."

Joanne

With a broad base with the most sublime design on its bottom, it is also a thing of beauty.

Let me tell you why I think this dildo definitely deserves the title of King and why you should add one to your play box.

A fantastic fantasy dildo and handle that is so much fun to use

I love it when I receive a sex toy (in this case a rather fetching dildo) to review, and when I lay eyes upon it I swoon, as it takes my breath away.

This ladies and gentlemen is what happened when I laid eyes upon The Realm Drago and Draken, a dildo and handle combination sent to me by PeepShowToys.com.

"The texture feels incredible in use, you can feel every bit of it as it opens you and you thrust with it."

Joanne

I couldn't believe my eyes, a dildo and sword handle combination using my favourite sex toy attachment system the Vac-u-lock system.

I knew right from the outset that this was something different, something I was really going to enjoy.

Time for some alien impregnation fun and games

Picture my delight when I was asked by Sexmachines.co.uk to review a Mr Hankey's dildo for them. I adore Mr Hankey's dildos and have reviewed four of them so far, and this one will be the fifth.

Sexmachines.co.uk has a fantastic range of dildos, and they recently added the Mr Hankey range of dildos to their repertoire, but unfortuntaly they are no longer stocking them but you can buy them in the UK from CloneZoneDirect.co.uk.

"I must admit though that when I finished the dildo was in a right state. All that texture certainly picks up lots of vag-goo and so when you clean it you need to pay lots of attention to the textures on it to clean them properly."

Joanne

Mr Hankey is renowned for his incredible dildo designs that all feature fantastic detail as well as being larger than your average dildos. Indeed his dildo range is a size queens dream come true.

I couldn't wait to put the Alien Dildo to the test. So with all sorts of alien impregnation fantasies spinning in my head, I had so much fun getting to know it so read on to find out if this Alien will be a box office smash hit or nothing more than a cult B movie prop.

Get yourself on top of the Eiffel Tower for an amazing time

I do have a bit of a reputation for enjoying shall we just say "larger dildos", yes I am a size queen and love a good challenge.

I am quite proud of the ability of my Foof to tackle anything that I have so far thrown at it and so when Meo.de asked if I wanted to review their Eiffel Tower dildo you can guess what I said.

"It has a very bulbous head which you have to tackle first when inserting it. Once you get that inside you, then you can really enjoy the unique texture covering it. I love the rivest and rings down its length, they give just enough texture to feel amazing without being too much."

Joanne

This is a beast of a dildo, and I was fascinated not just by the size but the texture of it as it looked so much fun. So with my Foof's enthusiastic approval, I agreed to once again to put myself to the test - in the name of reviewing science.

Now, this is definitely not a beginners dildo but for the lover of that feeling of being totally stretched it is oh so good. So, here are my thoughts on the Eiffel Tower dildo.

Putting some Unicorn magic between your legs

Anyone who is an avid unicorn fan like myself will immediately notice that this dildo is a dream come true. Now everyone has the chance to experience some unicorn magic between their legs and let's face it who wouldn't want to enjoy this fantastic-looking creation?

I have had my eyes on several Split Peaches creations, but as they are a USA based company, it was difficult to get one over here in the UK.

I love using it vaginally. Why? Well, because I have one and it's a lot of fun quimsticking with it. There's nothing stopping you enjoying some good old fashioned unicorn anal fun too with this dildo, and if that is your thing, then I encourage you to do so as it would feel very intense.

Joanne

That has now changed though, praise the ... (insert your own deity here). Latex Leather & Lace now stock the unicorn dildo as well as the incredibly textured "Screw You Mechadong". As a bonus, they also now have some Split Peaches glow in the dark stress boobies as well, for when we all need to let off some steam.

On a disclosure front, I was sent this dildo to review free of charge in exchange for a fair and honest review. I may have a slight bias though as I love unicorns, so on with the review.

A monstrously good dildo ideal for some Halloween fun

This is my second Halloween special review, the first being the sickly looking Zombie Dildo. This one looks a little bit better but it still won't appeal to some. This is why it's only the second review I have ever done to carry a trigger warning.

After having so much fun reviewing the Zombie dildo I decided to give another of the Fleshlight Freaks a go. This time I chose the Frankenstein dildo since I love the Mary Shelly book - definitely read it.

The colouration of this dildo is beautiful, it is a mottled green and it's very shiny giving it a slick wet look. The detailing includes cracks, scars and metallic grafts all of them looking amazing.

Joanne

I acquired a Frankenstein dildo and I immediately started my reviewing process. I also did some special sketches as my Zombie dildo review ones were well received. So, what did I think of this collection of dick parts lovingly stitched together by Dr F himself?

Trigger Warning: This review contains pictures of a Frankenstein dildo that some people may find distasteful or disturbing. You can decide whether or not you want to proceed to those pictures by continuing to read this review.

Today I'm redifining the term - getting Skull Fucked

I have long been an admirer of the wares carried by Meo.de. Having enjoyed reading many reviews of their products from some of my favourite reviewers.

So I was delighted when they agreed to let me review some products for them. With great German efficiency, the selected products soon arrived and I couldn't wait to get started. They had sent me a whole host of kinky BDSM equipment to review together with this oh so special dildo.

The lube retention coupled with the texture makes it a formidable yet enjoyable anal or vaginal sextoy.

Joanne

It's a size queens dream and it also appeals to my inner Goth. The skull at the base of it looks foreboding as well as adding a layer of dark kink.

I was sent this dildo for free in exchange of an honest review. I must admit though to under-estimating its size and my eyes popped out of my head on stalks in true comic book fashion when it arrived.

The chilling tale of my encounter with the living thrusting dead

Are we all sitting comfortably? Then I shall begin. It all started mid-October when the delightful Scandarella got in touch with me asking if I fancied a new dildo to review. Well, that got my attention and then she told me what it was.....

You see, she had been sent the wrong dildo to review and as it was going to be replaced she asked if I wanted it.

Now I love my fantasy dildos especially as I'm a bit of a texture queen. I like my dildos to have lots of ridges and bumps but I have never had a dildo quite like this one.

The thing is all that detail and texture makes it one hell of a good dildo for thrusting. It wasn't long before I was sounding like a zombie myself - "Nnnnnnn, mmmmmm" etc.

Joanne

Imagine living in a world where Zombies roam the earth, very hungry zombies in fact. These zombies are not the usual ones though. 'Brains' are the last things on their corrupted decaying minds. Instead, they crave pussy and ass. This was the fantasy world that I was about to descend into.

Trigger Warning: This review contains pictures of a Zombie dildo that some people may find distasteful or distressing. You can decide whether or not you want to proceed to those pictures by continuing to read this review.

This textured beast of a dildo will really make your eyes pop

As you may already know I'm a bit of a texture queen when it comes to my dildos. I like something that is going to stimulate and challenge my vagina (or my anus) when I play. So you can imagine my delight when Mr Hankey sent me this incredible looking fantasy dildo to review.

This is the toy to get if you like your texture and prefer to actually feel a toy moving in and out of your holes. Smooth toys don't give you that intense level of stimulation. You can feel and savour every bump, ridge and indentation as you thrust it in and out.

Joanne

I could hardly contain my excitement when I opened up the package to see what I had been sent to review. This has to be the weirdest and most textured object that my Foof has ever had the pleasure of tackling. I couldn't wait to get started with my review of it.

After three weeks of tackling this behemoth I'm ready to let you all know what it feels like. Together with whether or not it's worth recommending as let's face it, this is not a normal looking dildo by any stretch of your imagination.

A Stunning Fantasy Glass Dildo

I love glass sex toys and I also have a thing for fantasy or unusual dildos. So after reviewing the Icicles No 24 Tentacle Dildo I was delighted when I had the opportunity to review a handmade glass dildo from Simply Elegant Glass an etsy retailer who produce some incredible creations. They are real artisans and their creations are works of art.

I really can't describe adequately the feeling of those suckers when they are drawn over my clit, it has my toes curling and me gasping for breath very quickly and it has delivered some cracking orgasms.

Joanne

Simply Elegant Glass are based in Colorado Springs in the USA in what I can only imagine must be heaven for glass dildo enthusiasts. You only need to look their their range of incredible creations to realise that what they produce is really rather special. Follow them on Twitter for pictures and even the occasional video of them creating their kinky art.

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