Dildo Reviews - Joanne's Sex Machine Reviews

I can't wait to play with the XS Dragon, XS BFG and Beowulf dildos

I am squealing with anticipation as Mr Hankey is sending me three new dildos to review. I absolutely adore his creations, and my pussy has already had the pleasure of these fantastic dildos:

• Cutler 12" Dildo
• Centaur Dildo
• Sea Horse Dildo
• Anaconda Dildo
• Alien Dildo

Mr Hankeys Toys specialise in stunningly detailed body-safe silicone dildos in sizes that will tax any size queen out there. His dildos look amazing but are a real challenge filling you to the brin like no others.

I am excited to be reviewing two dildos from his XS range. Now XS (extra small) from any other dildo manufacturer would be tiny, but Mr Hankeys XS dildos are still big and filling.

Let the Helios Sun God into your life, or between your thighs

Here is my next review of another amazing Uberrime creation for PeepShowToys.com in the USA. It has yet again been so much fun reviewing another fantastic Uberrime dildo.

Uberrime has quickly become one of my favourite dildo brands, up there with the likes of Blush, and that is high praise indeed.

"The Helios is so flexible you can actually fold it in half, and that flexibility makes it easy to thrust with from any angle or position."

Joanne

The Helios Sun God Dildo is a fantasy dildo, and that means lots of delicious texture and some stunning colours, of course.

So while my pussy recovers from its last pounding by the Helios let me tell you all about this stunning dildo that will be a treat for any orifice.

A dual-density dildo that really hits the spot

I just love receiving packages from PeepShowToys in the USA. Whenever I get a delivery from them, it means only one thing, and that is that my pussy is soon going to be purring.

They stock a fantastic selection of body-safe sex toys, and their dildos are amazing. They sent me another Uberrime dildo to review, and I couldn't wait to get cracking with this one.

"The pearlescent pigments create a beautiful marbling effect that glistens in the light. It really is a beautiful colour option, and it looks so enticing."

Joanne

The Uberrime Splendid Dual-Density Silicone Dildo looks and feels fantastic. It comes in four different colour options, and this one is the Pearl Blue. The way it shimmers is lovely, and it's a sight to behold.

So, what did we think of this dildo, is it another hit or an unfortunate miss? Read on to find out.

A fantastic fantasy dildo, have some Night King fun as winter is coming

I'm so pleased to have been given the opportunity to review the Uberrime Night King Fantasy Dildo Fire & Ice edition. This ladies and gentlemen is a dildo that went beyond my expectations.

From its stunning colours blending their way down its shaft to the deliciously rich textures, it is made for pleasure.

"When drawn over my clitoris, each ridge sends sparks through me that quickly have my free hand clawing at the sheets. A combination of clit play and deep penetration is precisely how I love to play, and it is an easy task with the Night King Fantasy Dildo."

Joanne

With a broad base with the most sublime design on its bottom, it is also a thing of beauty.

Let me tell you why I think this dildo definitely deserves the title of King and why you should add one to your play box.

A fantastic fantasy dildo and handle that is so much fun to use

I love it when I receive a sex toy (in this case a rather fetching dildo) to review, and when I lay eyes upon it I swoon, as it takes my breath away.

This ladies and gentlemen is what happened when I laid eyes upon The Realm Drago and Draken, a dildo and handle combination sent to me by PeepShowToys.com.

"The texture feels incredible in use, you can feel every bit of it as it opens you and you thrust with it."

Joanne

I couldn't believe my eyes, a dildo and sword handle combination using my favourite sex toy attachment system the Vac-u-lock system.

I knew right from the outset that this was something different, something I was really going to enjoy.

The Temptasia Twist is a dildo designed to please any hole you want to pleasure

I am beginning to have a bit of a crush on all things Blush at the moment, they are on a roll. Everything that we have reviewed for them so far has been fantastic.

So, you can imagine my excitement when a Blush Temptasia Silicone Dildo arrived for review in the post. I couldn't wait to put it to the test to see if it would live up to the other blush dildos that we have reviewed.

"The twisting texture on the shaft feels excellent anally, in fact probably even more so than when used vaginally due to the sensitive nature of my bum hole. I was able to easily orgasm from anal play in around 20 minutes which is pretty fast for me."

sub'r'

When the lovely sub'r' laid eyes upon it, she immediately fell in love with its twisting shape and design, and she begged me to let her review it.

I begrudgingly agreed (it just looks so good, so I didn't want to part with it). Here are her thoughts on this sleek black dildo with a delightful love heart shaped suction cup base.

The Jammy is a generously proportioned dildo with stunning texture

Blush Novelties are on a roll as far as I am concerned with their range of sex toys. I am loving everything I have seen and tried from them, and the Jammy is no exception.

They sent me a purple Jammy to review and from the first time I cast my eyes on it I knew that I was going to really enjoy getting to know it.

"The Jammy is a lot of fun to use, I just love its girth. I relish thicker dildos as really enjoy that feeling of being opened and stretched at the same time as I push them inside my pussy."

Joanne

Blush produce some stunning silicone dildos, and this one looks fantastic in terms of size and texture. I could hardly wait to start using it.

So let me tell you why the Jammy is a sex toy that everyone should have and enjoy.

The D-Thang is just perfect and so much fun to use

I am starting to have a bit of a crush for Blush. I was delighted when they sent me a pink Ruse D-Thang silicone dildo to review. While visiting ETO this year I was also made to feel very welcome on their trade stand there.

I was shown around their incredible range of sex toys and believe me some of them are "panty soaking heaven" to behold.

"The gently curved shaft ensures good g-spot pressure and both the top and underside have some delicious smooth ridges that add to the stimulation as it is thrust in and out."

Joanne

The trade reps that I spoke to were amazing, and they were literally overflowing with enthusiasm for their brand, and it is obvious to see why that is.

So sit back, grab a cuppa and let me tell you why the Ruse D-Thang is one hell of a good dildo for thrusting like your life depends on it.

A dildo that has put me on the naughty list

Let me tell you about Christmas morning in the life of this little reviewer. I woke up to a cold Christmas morning expecting not too many presents but boy was I wrong.

With much excitement, I started opening presents. Perfume, my favourite type, nice. New sexy underwear, nicer and then a Blush Novelties D3 Silicone Dildo in stunning colours, OMG it was the best Christmas ever!

Unbeknown to me Patrick from Latex, Leather & Lace had sent me a couple of surprise presents through my partner, and he had kept the secret very well indeed so I had no idea I was in for some kinky Xmas fun. Thank you, Patrick, for putting a massive smile on my face. It really did make my day.

"The Avant D3 is a has the perfect level of 'squish' when squeezed. It feels nice and soft, but it is still rigid enough so that it doesn't droop much when held by the suction cup."

Joanne

I have reviewed three other Blush Novelties creations, and they were fantastic. I just love their colours and designs as well of their performance of course. I have to admit to having had my eye on a D3 for a while now, so I was delighted to be in a position to review one.

You will do doubt not be surprised to know that I did use it on Christmas day. No doubt Santa was shaking his head while mumbling something along the lines of "That didn't take her very long" as he added my name to this years 'Naughty List'.

Bounce your way to orgasm after orgasm

While visiting Erofame 2018 my Stunt Cock and sub'r' came across an interesting stand from Lust & Joy. It featured their Loopy Bounce which immediately got the attention of sub'r'.

Consider it a high tech space hopper with a dildo, and you won't be far off the mark. But it isn't just a space hopper, a lot of thought has gone into the design. As you can imagine, sub'r' offered her services if they wanted one reviewing.

"Once or twice I nearly fell over, and that brought on a fit of the giggles before I carried on. That is the thing about the Loopy Bounce, it is a sex toy, but it is so much fun to use. I am not talking sexual pleasure per se, it is actually fun bouncing up and down on it. The good fucking it provides is an added bonus."

Joanne

Fast forward a month and a half, and a package arrived from Switzerland containing one of the Lust and Joy Loopy Bounce TrioPacks. You can imagine the excitement as we opened the box. It isn't often that we get to review something fresh, exciting and entirely different from anything that we have tackled before.

So let me introduce you to the most fun that you can have on an inflatable. Read on to find out how we got on with this inflatable human powered fucking machine.