Dildo Reviews - Joanne's Sex Machine Reviews

Blush Novelties Real Nude Sumo Violet 9.5 Inch Realistic Silicone Dildo

The Real Nude Sumo Dildo from Blush Novelties tickled my fancy

I love it when a dildo really flicks my switch and becomes my new bestie. The Blush Novelties Real Nude Sumo is one such dildo, it can do really nice things to me in a very naughty way.

This colourful dildo was sent to me by the lovely folks over at latex, leather & Lace. If you get the chance to drop by their walk-in store you should do so as they are so nice.

"I love using this dildo by hand but strapping it to one of my fucking machines brings it to life. The high speeds coupled with the hands-free nature of fucking machine fun has me clawing the sheets in no time at all"
Joanne

This review has been a delightful one to 'research' and write. The Sumo has really opened my eyes to the range available from Blush Novelties and stocked by Latex, Leather & Lace.

So, read on to find out why I highly rate this dildo and why it works so well for my anatomy.

access_time 10:11AM 20 October 2018

Mr Hankeys Alien Dildo Review From Sexmachines.co.uk

Time for some alien impregnation fun and games

Picture my delight when I was asked by Sexmachines.co.uk to review a Mr Hankey's dildo for them. I adore Mr Hankey's dildos and have reviewed four of them so far, and this one will be the fifth.

Sexmachines.co.uk has a fantastic range of dildos, and they have recently added the Mr Hankey range of dildos to their repertoire, and that is so exciting.

"I must admit though that when I finished the dildo was in a right state. All that texture certainly picks up lots of vag-goo and so when you clean it you need to pay lots of attention to the textures on it to clean them properly."
Joanne

Mr Hankey is renowned for his incredible dildo designs that all feature fantastic detail as well as being larger than your average dildos. Indeed his dildo range is a size queens dream come true.

I couldn't wait to put the Alien Dildo to the test. So with all sorts of alien impregnation fantasies spinning in my head, I had so much fun getting to know it so read on to find out if this Alien will be a box office smash hit or nothing more than a cult B movie prop.

access_time 08:17AM 30 August 2018

Taylor Dildo - Realistic Silicone Dildo From Meo.de

A dildo with lots of texture and a fantastic suction cup

Anyone familiar with my blog will know that I am a gal who loves her Quimsticking fun and games and dildos are one of my favourite style of sex toys. I love the fact that a dildo is a gender-neutral sex toy as we all have holes that can be pleasured with one.

You can imagine how excited I was when Wolf from Meo.de asked if I wanted to review the Taylor Silicone Dildo for him for free in exchange for a fair and honest review. I jumped at the chance, who would turn down such an offer?

"The upwards curving shaft concentrates all of the delicious sensations generated by the well-formed glans onto my g-spot and thrusting it back and forth over this area has me very wet and has made me squirt."
Joanne

I bided my time waiting for it to arrive and familiarised myself with the product page on meo.de and I loved the fact that it has a suction cup base. To me, that means one thing - fucking machine fun.

So, how did I get on with the Taylor Dildo, is it one for my bedside drawer or one for the dildo suitcase (yes I have too many dildos)?

access_time 09:39AM 06 August 2018

Little Johnny Steel Prostate Stimulator Dildo Review

This a a fantastic dildo for pussy and ass play

Meo is a German sex toy retailer, and they are one of my favourites, I can spend hours looking through their incredible selection of kinky sex toys.

I was delighted when they asked if I would be interested in reviewing their Little Johnny Prostate Stimulator and I jumped at the chance of course. So they sent me one for free in exchange for a fair and honest review.

"There is something amazing about solid metal dildos. I love the way you can feel the chill of cold steel as you insert it but that soon changes as it warms up to body temperature. I am always amazed at just how warm a steel dildo can get in use, when I remove it after a good pussy fucking I love how warm it feels in my hand."
Joanne

I love steel dildos, and while I don't have a prostate, I was definitely looking forward to enjoying this hunk of metal, and I am pretty sure you can guess where I planned on putting it.

So is this a steel dildo that really hits the spot or is it a miss for this one. Read on to find out.

access_time 10:00AM 27 June 2018

Eiffel Tower DIldo - La Tour est Folle Review

Get yourself on top of the Eiffel Tower for an amazing time

I do have a bit of a reputation for enjoying shall we just say "larger dildos", yes I am a size queen and love a good challenge.

I am quite proud of the ability of my Foof to tackle anything that I have so far thrown at it and so when Meo.de asked if I wanted to review their Eiffel Tower dildo you can guess what I said.

"It has a very bulbous head which you have to tackle first when inserting it. Once you get that inside you, then you can really enjoy the unique texture covering it. I love the rivest and rings down its length, they give just enough texture to feel amazing without being too much."
Joanne

This is a beast of a dildo, and I was fascinated not just by the size but the texture of it as it looked so much fun. So with my Foof's enthusiastic approval, I agreed to once again to put myself to the test - in the name of reviewing science.

Now, this is definitely not a beginners dildo but for the lover of that feeling of being totally stretched it is oh so good. So, here are my thoughts on the Eiffel Tower dildo.

access_time 10:44AM 21 June 2018

Pride Edition Silicone Rainbow Dildo - 7.75 Inch

Don't just taste the rainbow, ride it with this silicone sensation

I love my dildos, but I have a soft spot (no pun intended) for brightly coloured or unusual designs, and I was blown away when I saw the Pride Edition Silicone Rainbow Dildo on the Bondara website, and I had to buy myself one.

As it's also Pride Month timing was great, and I eagerly awaited my opportunity to review this stunning-looking dildo.

"I had a fantastic time with this dildo, and I love the fact that it doesn't have a straight flat shaft. The fact that it is wider near the glans end of the dildo means that when thrusting with it, your vagina or anus is continuously being stretched and then relaxed again and this feels incredible."
Joanne

I love rainbow dildos and enjoyed reviewing the Luxury Rainbow Rabbit Vibrator and a Unicorn Dildo which is in pastel colours.

I have had a great time reviewing this bright and colourful dildo so let me tell you in detail why I have enjoyed it so much.

access_time 10:16AM 19 June 2018

Hercules Silicone Vac-u-lock Dildo From Godemiche

A dildo from the Gods, the Hercules as its name suggests is power encarnate

There aren't that many dildo artisans in the UK, but Godemiche is one of them. Run by Adam and Monika they produce a fantastic range of dildos and butt plugs in body-safe silicone.

I have been fortunate in the past to have reviewed the Adam Silicone Dildo and The Peg Anal Dildo for Godemiche, the Peg is also a fantastic beginners butt plug by the way.

"A feature I love about this dildo is the fact that it is uncircumcised. This is the first dildo that I have owned that has an apparent foreskin, it's half withdrawn, and this makes the head fascinating to look at."
Joanne

I was delighted then when Ian from fmachinefun.co.uk asked if I would be interested in reviewing a Hercules for Godemiche. A version of the Hercules with a Vac-u-lock hole in flesh is now in stock at FmachineFun, and Ian thought it would be nice to hear my thoughts on it.

So as you can imagine, I was delighted to be able to review this behemoth of a dildo, and I was even more surprised when I got to see its fantastic colours when it arrived. So without further ado, here are my thoughts on the Hercules Dildo.

access_time 02:36PM 27 April 2018

Fun Factory Buch Dick Silicone Spanking Paddle Review

This exceptional silicone paddle is great for BDSM impact play

I love some BDSM fun and games and impact play often form part of this type of sessions.

I was therefore delighted when one of my sites sponsors Crimson Princess (check them out they are great) got in touch asking if I wanted to review the Buch Dick from Fun Factory for them.

"After a good paddling, your skin becomes red and very sensitive, in this state, you can enjoy some excellent texture play, and the rough side feels amazing"
Joanne

Now, Buch Dick in German translates to 'Bend Over' which is perfect as that is what this sex toy is all about. Bending over and taking your punishment.

The Buch Dick is a silicone spanking paddle, and I was sent this one free of charge in exchange for a fair and honest review. No affiliate links have been used in this review.

access_time 03:04PM 02 April 2018

Silicone Noir Ovid Electro G-Spot Estim Dildo Review

Zapping my lady bits whilst quimsticking is my idea of heaven

I just love it when I receive a product to review that ticks all of my favourite boxes. E-stim fun, yes, dildo fun, yes, and body-safe materials, that's a definite yes.

The lovely people over at Electrastim sent me one of their Silicone Noir Ovid Electro G-Spot Dildos to review for free in exchange for a fair and honest review. I was delighted to have been asked to review this dildo for them. I have already reviewed a number of their products including the EM-60E estim control box, their Prestige Cock Rings, a Silicone Noir Butt plug and their Jack Socket.

In profile, you can see that it gently curves upwards and ends in a nice bulb which feels fantastic against my g-spot. There is also a ridge halfway down the top of it that gives added stimulation.
Joanne

Anyone who follows my antics on here will know that I adore dildos but even more than that I love electrosex in all of its forms.

This dildo combines the two, and it does so in style. So without further ado, here are my thoughts on the performance of this bi-polar e-stim electrode.

access_time 10:11AM 20 February 2018

MEO Black Label Titus Silicone 8 Inch Dildo

Dildos are just such a fun gender free way of masturbating

I just love reviewing dildos, some people prefer vibrators to dildos but when I need to give myself an excellent seeing to it is usually a dildo that I grab.

There is something so sensual and naughty at the same time about thrusting one in and out of a well lubed up orifice.

The glans felt terrific against my g-spot, and the girth felt very nice too. I managed to get all of it in, and that meant I could enjoy the feeling of the balls slapping against me.
Joanne

It seems that Meo.de just know what I like and the type of dildo that I enjoy.

They sent me this 8 Inch black silicone dildo to review, and I have to admit that I have grown rather fond of it and why wouldn't I? Just look at it, it's enough to tempt anyone.

access_time 03:00PM 12 February 2018