Reviews

Joannes Reviews I have a lot of fun reviewing sex toys and adult related products and I hope that you enjoy my reviews and find them useful. It is always good to see someone's opinion of an item before you consider parting with your hard earned cash.

Reviews
The Probe And Probe Beast Fucking Machines From Orgasm Alley

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Review Fucking Machine Sex Machine Orgasm Alley

Overall Rating:
9.2

The Probe And Probe Beast Fucking Machines From Orgasm Alley

It's nice to see these fucking machines in the UK with sexmachines.co.uk

It isn't very often that I get asked to review two (yes you read that right) fucking machines at the same time. So you can imagine my excitement when Dave from Sexmachines.co.uk asked me to give him my opinion of the Probe and Probe Beast from Orgasm Alley in the USA.

These are two machines that I have often lusted over and have heard a lot about, and so it was fantastic to be given the opportunity to be able to get my hands on them.

"The Probe Beast has a fantastic motor that I couldn't stall no matter how hard I tried. This is the perfect machine for hard anal fucking although you may have to lock the legs down to something as Newton's third law states that thusting a massive dildo into a tight hole can make a fucking machine walk."

Joanne

As always I didn't have to wait long for the courier to arrive with the two machines from sexmachines.co.uk as their service is exceptionally quick.

I could hardly contain my excitements when I started to unbox them, so read on to find out how these two machines compare against each other and my other machines as well.

Yubo F1 Fucking Machine From Sexmachines.co.uk

Tagged under:

Review Sex Machine Fucking Machine Yubo VacuLock

Overall Rating:
8.8

Yubo F1 Fucking Machine From Sexmachines.co.uk

Another fun fucking machine from the sexmachines.co.uk range

I do have the best job in the world I think, especially when Dave from sexmachines.co.uk gets in touch with me asking if I would be interested in reviewing another fucking machine for them.

This time they want me to review the Yubo F1. I had seen some of the other Yubo machines on their site, and they seem ideal for anyone new to fucking machines due to their simplicity.

"Fucking machines never tire, they never complain, and you can trust them not to wipe their cock on your pillow after fucking you (don't ask LOL)."

Joanne

Of course, I agreed to review it for them as you know how much I enjoy my sex machine action. Fucking Machines are just so versatile, and it's always nice to try something new.

I went into this review with no expectations and having reviewed a lot of sex machines I looked forward to seeing how this one would compare with what I have reviewed in the past. So read on to find out where the Yubo F1 starts on my fucking machine starting grid.

HurtMe: Cat-o'-Nine-Tails Ariadne From Meo.de

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Review BDSM Impact Play Leather MEO

Overall Rating:
9.2

HurtMe: Cat-o'-Nine-Tails Ariadne From Meo.de

This is a serious bit of kit that delivers serious results

Now I love my impact play, but the thought of being on the receiving end of a cat o' nine tails terrified me. The legendary punishment implement used throughout history for its extreme and cruel efficiency.

When I was asked by Meo if I would review one for them I must admit to a little trepidation but, you know me, the thought of an excuse to get my backside out for some corporal punishment was too good to miss so, of course, I said yes.

"I just bit my lip and waited for his order. He told me to stand and go into the dining room where he forced me to bend over the dining room table exposing my buttocks."

Joanne

So for anyone unaware of the history of the Cat o' nine tails, it is an implement synonymous with punishment in the Royal Navy and other institutions. People often didn't survive its use, but I had high hopes of doing so.

The Cat was going to be something special, and I couldn't wait to get started with it.

So Divine Get Lucky USB Rechargeable Vibrator

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Review SoDivine Rechargeable USB Clitoral Silicone ABS

Overall Rating:
9.4

So Divine Get Lucky USB Rechargeable Vibrator

A handy USB rechargeable vibrator with a twist

I have enjoyed all of the sex toys that I have reviewed for So Divine in the past, and so I was delighted when they got in touch asking if I would be interested in reviewing their new USB rechargeable vibrator - The Get Lucky Vibe.

With a trip to Germany just around the corner, I jumped at the chance as I decided I would review it here and then let sub'r' take it on her trip to Germany as, to be honest, it is the perfect travelling companion.

"The small nodules on the tip of the vibrator feel incredible when I slowly rub them over the top of my clitoris."

Joanne

So I waited for its arrival with high hopes... It follows a long line of very enjoyable vibes that have given me some fantastic orgasms to live up to. Would it continue to build on its predecessor's performance or would it be a letdown? No pressure at all.

My first impressions were - "this is different". Read on to find out my final thoughts on it.

E-Stim Connect From E-Stim Systems

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Review EStim Estimcouk Remote Control Box

Overall Rating:
9.8

E-Stim Connect From E-Stim Systems

Effortless remote e-stim sessions are now a thing

Anyone who reads my blogs posts and reviews will be well aware that I love e-stim fun, and so does my Stunt Cock and the lovely sub'r'. All three of us partake in the ever so enjoyable practice of electrostimulation.

It can be an incredible way to stimulate yourself or a partner and leads to many amazing hands-free orgasms for us.

Yes, electricity can be enjoyed in more ways than you probably thought possible. While it is fun to stim someone in person, often there comes a time when you are alone, or your partner is away from home, and you need your electron fix.

In the past, if you had a 2B, you could use the Commander software to connect remotely but to be honest while it was a lot of fun it could be a lot of faff to set up and use.

E-Stim Systems have been developing another way to use the 2B for remote stimulation, and they released it at #Erofame2018 to much praise and interest. So what is it and how easy is it to use? Read on to find out.

Bondara 14 Inch Lair Leather Sword Slapper Paddle

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Review Bondara BDSM Leather Impact Play Paddle Slapper

Overall Rating:
9.4

Bondara 14 Inch Lair Leather Sword Slapper Paddle

This delightful sword paddle had me in a very playful mood

As you can imagine I was delighted when Bondara got in touch with me again, this time asking if I would be interested in reviewing a leather paddle for them.

Well, the thought of a new impact toy and a leather one at that had me squirming in my seat and so I, of course, agreed to review one for them.

"When swung, it requires minimal effort to make a loud slapping noise as it strikes home and it leaves good blade shaped marks on the skin when it is withdrawn."

Joanne

They sent me this Lair Leather Sword Slapper Paddle for free in exchange for a fair and honest review, and I couldn't wait to put it to the test.

Now the Master of all things swingy and ouchy is my Stunt Cock, he can swing a paddle or flogger like no-one else, and so he was roped in again to use this paddle on sub'r' and myself so that we could both give our thoughts on it. So read on to find out what we thought of it.

Cock Candy Flavoured Oral Sex Lube Value Pack From Meo.de

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Review Lubricant Lube Oral Flavoured MEO

Overall Rating:
9.0

Cock Candy Flavoured Oral Sex Lube Value Pack From Meo.de

Take your oral sex to the next level

Oral sex is one of my all-time favourite sex acts, there is something about it that really gets me horny, and I just love performing it and also receiving it of course.

I was delighted then when Meo.de asked me to review their range of Cock Candy oral sex flavoured lubes

"Between the work of sub'r' and my own oral administrations, we have thoroughly tested all five flavours, and Stunt Cock is one satisfied reviewer. It's a hard life for him, but he always 'rises' to any new challenge that I throw at him."

Joanne

They sent me their value pack which contains five flavoured lubes in a handy toilet/flight bag free of charge in exchange for a fair and honest review.

I have spent a few weeks in conjunction with sub'r' really putting these flavours to the test, and my Stunt Cock has really enjoyed the attention. So what do we think of these flavoured lubes from Meo?

Little Rascals And PlayDayz Classic Diaper Review For Nappies R Us

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Review DDLG ABDL Diaper Nappy

Overall Rating:
9.2

Little Rascals And PlayDayz Classic Diaper Review For Nappies R Us

Two great adult diapers from Nappies R Us

This has been a unique and exciting review to write. My first attempt at reviewing ABDL diapers with the help of Nappies R Us.

Diapers are big business in the ABDL world, and there are so many different ones available, indeed Nappies R Us stock an immense range of ones to choose from. In this review, I am concentrating on two of their own brand of diapers.

With the help of my helper Little 'Rae', we have almost gone through half a pack of each evaluating them to give this review justice.

So, if you want to see how each of these diapers performs read on to find out what we did and how they performed. Spoiler alert, the diapers do get very wet.

Secret Play Hybrid Organic Lube With Aloe Vera And Olive Oil

This is a silcione hybrid lube that is really very effective

Once again I have been lucky to have been given the opportunity to review another variety of lube from the Secret Play Range by Latex, Leather & Lace one of my all-time favourite companies.

I loved their water-based Secret Play Natural lube and had high hopes for this one. I now know enough about Secret Play to know that what was coming was going to be good.

"The consistency is fantastic; if you apply a small amount to a finger, it just sits there in a drop. It is quite viscous which means it won't run through your fingers and onto the sheets while you put the bottle away, making it easy to apply just where you want it."

Joanne

It's all good news about this lube, Secret Play certainly doesn't disappoint, and they seem to be one of the best-kept secrets in lubes.

So, let me tell you why this is now my favourite hybrid lube, and it is the one I go for every time especially for fast fucking machine fun and games.

The Goo Plate From The Lodbrock Schlossmeister Collection

Tagged under:

Review Lodbrock BDSM Dungeon

Overall Rating:
9.4

The Goo Plate From The Lodbrock Schlossmeister Collection

Serious BDSM fun from Lodbrock

It isn't often that I get asked to review dungeon equipment, and so you can understand why I got so excited when Lodbrock got in touch with me asking if I would be interested in reviewing their Goo Plate.

I relished the thought of putting it through its paces as it looked so kinky on their site. I even booked a dungeon to use it in with the lovely sub'r' to put it through its paces.

"It was fantastic watching sub'r' struggling as I forced orgasm after orgasm out of her and she was almost in tears when she was eventually let out for a break. She loved the feeling of utter helplessness when locked into the Goo Plate."

Joanne

We had a lot of fun reviewing it, and it is one of those old-school BDSM pieces of equipment that just makes my face light up.

So let you tell you all about the Goo Plate and just how much fun it can be.

Latest Reviews

October 19, 2018

The Probe And Probe Beast Fucking Machines From Orgasm Alley

in Sex & Fucking Machines
It's nice to see these fucking machines in the UK with sexmachines.co.uk It isn't very often that I get asked to review two (yes you read that right) fucking machines at the same time. So you can imagine my excitement when Dave from Sexmachines.co.uk asked me… Read More
October 10, 2018

Yubo F1 Fucking Machine From Sexmachines.co.uk

in Sex & Fucking Machines
Another fun fucking machine from the sexmachines.co.uk range I do have the best job in the world I think, especially when Dave from sexmachines.co.uk gets in touch with me asking if I would be interested in reviewing another fucking machine for them. This… Read More
Oct 08, 2018

HurtMe: Cat-o'-Nine-Tails Ariadne From Meo.de

in BDSM Kit Reviews
This is a serious bit of kit that delivers serious results Now I love my impact play, but… Read More

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