A babygirl’s thoughts about rough sex
By Miss Doll
What? A babygirl who enjoys rough sex?
Since I identify myself with the label “babygirl”, and I call my partner “Daddy”, I’ve thought for a long time that rough sex would never work for me. I’ve always liked tender lovemaking, snuggles, and being constantly reassured of his affection.
Until it happened that one evening, browsing on a famous red tube site, Daddy and I came across a porn scene where the girl clearly enjoyed having her hair pulled by the guy.
I obviously would never suggest to imitate what happens in those professional porn scenes, but that video was a true inspiration for us. We quickly became fans of the genre, kept on watching more and more videos of rough sex, and after a while, it was natural to try introducing this kind of sex acts in our bedroom too.
We soon learnt that, when it comes to playing dirty, a little goes a long way. Forget for a moment Christian Grey with his riding crop/flogger in his hand, and Ana Steele with her butt cheeks still blushing from the recent spanking: rough sex is not limited to BDSM acts, and it’s not only for those who like to mix a little pain with their pleasure. Instead, something as simple as having your hair slightly pulled during lovemaking, or hearing your partner saying a very dirty word in the heat of the moment, can definitely make your whole experience different.
Consent and communication
I feel that “rough sex” requires a lot of trust and communication between the two sexual partners, and while consent is mandatory for even the most vanilla, missionary sex, I think that it’s even more important to be sure you have it all the time when the games become tougher.
In other words, before calling your partner a slut, you need to be sure that the act is consensual, and that he/she enjoys it. Before slapping your partner in the face because you’ve seen porn performers do it on the screen, you need to talk about it with him/her throroughly to ensure that it will be a pleasant experience for both.
My partner and I have agreed about a safeword, even if our rough playtime can’t be defined BDSM most of the times. This way, we can trust each other to stop immediately if things get uncomfortable for oneof us, for whatever reason.
Can you be romantic and kinky at the same time?
I hear all the time (and read on my social media feeds) people, especially women, saying: “But rough sex is not for me! I’m a romantic person”.
That makes me think a lot about how much we’re conditioned by society for what concerns our sexual choices. Why can’t a person be romantic and kinky at the same time?
Of course, spanking your partner or even flogging them doesn’t mean you don’t love them. You’re not punishing them because they forgot your anniversary (unless that’s your kink, of course!). You’re doing something that, if it’s consensual and done safely, can be deeply enjoyable and arousing for both of you.
After all, sex is not “one size fits all”. If our grandfathers only could have missionary, baby-making intercourse with our grandmothers, because doing otherwise was considered disrespectful to a woman, it doesn’t mean that today, in 2018, we shouldn’t unleash all of our sexual fantasies.
If you have received enthusiastic consent from your partner, then you’re not being disrespectful to them even if you are caning them while ball gagged and bound to a St. Andrew’s cross. There’s no limits to sexual fantasy, if we only could free ourselves from those old taboos.
Be ready to compromise
I must say that I deeply enjoyed the novel Fifty Shades of Grey, but there’s a thing I would advise not to imitate from Christian and Ana’s world: the mindset of the male protagonist, that appears to me like “I can only have a relationship like this. If you don’t let me flog and spank you, then we can’t be lovers”.
Perhaps I’m wrong about what really was in Mr. Grey’s head, but this is my first impression while reading the book. In real life, I think that a person interested in BDSM or rough sex should be a lot more compromising with their partner about all of the sex acts they’re going to try.
If they haven’t given you consent to spank them, then I don’t think you should question your whole relationship. Fulfill your sexual fantasy by simply watching together some porn that features it (but without putting pressure on the partner who doesn’t like spanking), and move on, looking for some other sexy things to do together that will appeal both of you.
If they don’t like rough sex at all, then keep on doing things that you know they’ll enjoy. Just my two cents.
As previously said, sex is not “one-size-fits-all”, and it requires lots of communication, trust and negotiation skills from both partners.
And you, have you ever tried rough sex? Please let me know in the comments!
I enjoyed reading Miss Doll's thoughts on kinky sex, we definitely agree that sex is not a one size fits all solution. We should all experiment and explore new things while remembering that communication and consent are the primary rules that everything else develops from. Talk, enjoy and get kinky, it really is a lot of fun. Thank Miss Doll, check out her site and follow her on twitter to stay abreast of her new work.