Distance Selling Regulations

The vast majority of products that I sell are considered "Intimate Items", and that affects your right to return them if seals have been broken for obvious reasons.

Refused Deliveries

In the event of a package being returned after failed delivery attempt(s), a delivery refusal, unclaimed parcels, or a package is returned to me for any other reason, then I reserve the right to charge a restocking fee of 20% plus any additional costs incurred by me in the return of the items.

Refunds will only be issued against the goods and not any shipping charge, and refunds will not be issued until items have been safely returned to me.

Redelivery will be chargeable if the parcel is still required.

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Discretion is the name of the game

I often get asked how I package orders when I send them out and if I use discreet packaging.

I can certainly understand anyone's apprehension when considering an order of adult products online. The worry about what the packaging will look like and how discreetly their order will be packaged is genuine and natural.

I also have the same concerns when shopping online, and I have that at the forefront of my mind when I pack and dispatch my products to customers, old and new.

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Sign up for my "irregular" newsletter

The thing to notice about that title is the word irregular. I hate spam mail the only spam I tolerate is the meat variety, and even then I have to be pretty hungry for that to tempt me.

I only send out a newsletter when I have something newsworthy. So you won't be getting bombarded with weekly messages from me. I tend to send out a newsletter when I have reviewed something amazing that I need the whole world to know about. Or for instance when I have created a new e-stim electrode that will blow your socks off.

So feel free to sign up to my newsletter, it is compliant with anti-spam regulations, and you are in total control, you can unsubscribe at any time. I don't pass on e-mail addresses to other companies, but I do use MailChimp to manage my list and to create newsletters.

I hope you do decide to sign up and I am sure you will enjoy the newsletters when they arrive.



Subscribe To My Newsletter

I only send out irregular newsletter posts.
You can unsubscribe at any time as you are in complete control.
I use MailChimp to manage my newsletters and they are well respected in terms of data security and trustworthiness.

Joannes Reviews will use the information you provide on this form to be in touch with you and to provide updates and marketing.
You can change your mind at any time by clicking the unsubscribe link in the footer of any email you receive from me, or by contacting me at admin {at} sexmachinereviews.co.uk. I will treat your information with respect. For more information about my privacy practices please visit my website. By clicking below, you agree that we may process your information in accordance with these terms.
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Mar 11, 2018

Shopping Cart

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I totally mean it, you are a star.

Joanne's ReviewsI love doing what I do, and every purchase helps me to support this site and to continue doing what I love to do (which is mainly discovering new and kinky ways to get off).

I will get straight on with making up your order and will have it into the post as quickly as I can.

Your total satisfaction is my aim, and I will do my best to ensure nothing less than that.

Thank you once again, and I hope you enjoy your purchase when it arrives.

Kind Regards,


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Contact Joanne with your burning questionIf you have a burning question, an enquiry or you just want to tell me how much you have enjoyed my site then feel free to use the contact form below to get your message straight to me.

I answer messages myself and I promise that I will get back to you as quickly as I can. I love hearing from readers and visitors ot my site, it makes all the effort worthwhile to know someone out there is reading it.


If you are a company interested in having me review a sex toy or adult product for you then check out my review information page and the policy page link at the bottom of it.


If you are interested in advertising on my site then I look forward to hearing from you. I have a dedicated advertising information page that you should check out first though.


Using this form will not sign you up to any newsletters or anything like that. I do however have a newsletter that I send out irregularly, and if you want to stay abreast of my reviews and products you can Sign Up To My Newsletter Here.

Contact Me

Please get in touch with me if you have any burning questions or even just to say "Well done".

I look forward to hearing from my readers and companies looking to forge working relations with me.

Please select the subject of your enquiry.
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Check out my latest Tweets

I love twitter and use it all the time to spread the good message about sex toy materials, good practice, advice and of course my sex toy reviews. Here are my latest tweets, please consider following me if you find them interesting.

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Here is a selection of popular reviews written by me.

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Have you got something interesting to share?

I pay £20 per guest postI'm so excited to finally be in a position where I can host guest blog posts and articles from fellow bloggers. I'm looking for sex related articles on diverse subjects from BDSM, sex toys, relationships, fetishes or anything that you think may be of interest to my readers

Guest posts are a good way to have your work exposed to a wider audience. I can't afford to pay much for guest posts but I do pay for them (£20). In the future I hope to be able to pay more.

I thought it might be a good idea to list some of the things I am looking for in guest posts and what I want to avoid.

What I'm looking for

  • I would love to hear about your experiences especially if it's about something that I have not tried or written about.
  • I'd enjoy learning about new kinks and fetishes, so maybe you could enlighten me on something you enjoy.
  • Erotic fiction especially if it is about a long term fantasy or kink.
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It's a good feeling when your work gets published

SInce its inception my site has grown exponentially and I have re-invested any money that it has generated into more sex toys to review.

As well as reviewing sex toys, written erotica and educational articles I also enjoy writing for other sites or the media.

I have had a number of awards. most notably I was selected as one of the Top 100 Sex Blogging Superheroes in 2016 and as one of the Top 100 Sex Bloggers in 2016.

Published Work

Here are links to my externally published works:

Kink Craft

My first piece of commissioned work was for KinkCraft.co to write an article describing what is entailed in reviewing sex toys. This is due to the conception that it is an easy way to get free sex toys and I was more than happy to set the record straight.

Commissioned article for Kink Craft on life as a sex toy reviewer

Unfortunately this website is no longer around but I did enjoy writing this article for them. You can read my article on reviewing sex toys for free here.

Darkside Magazine

I am now a regular contributor to Darkside Magazine where I enjoy writing sex toy reviews for the kink scene. My first review was of the Electrastim Jack Socket and it appeared in Issue 7.

I am published in Darkside Magazine

Darkside Magazine - The new digital magazine for the BDSM scene

In Issue 8 I reviewed a German gas mask and in Issue 9 I reviewed the Motorunny ride on sex machine.

Fetish Faeries

I was commissioned to write a beginners introduction to e-stim or electrosex for Fetish Faeries and has a lot of fun writing it for them. It covers the basics of this fun activity in a fun and friendly manner.

I am published on Fetis Faeries

What is E-Stim or Electrostimulation?

Commisioned Work

If you are interested in having me write a commissioned piece of work for you then get in touch through my contact form with your ideas.

Joanne XXX

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