Sex & Fucking Machines

Sex & Fucking Machines

I love reviewing sexmachines and fucking machines as they are just so much fun. But they do carry a hefty pricetag so if you want to see my opinions on the machines that I have tried out then enjoy my reviwews.

Taking the "Five Knuckle Shuffle" to new levels of kink and pleasure

It's not often that I get to review anything designed purely for penis owners. So when The Handy got in touch with Joanne asking if we would review their masturbator for them, I was obviously over the moon when she agreed.

I put my hand up to enjoying masturbators; there is nothing wrong with the five knuckle shuffle, but getting to slide into something tight and wet is up there on another level of enjoyment.

"Its smooth action and its ability to be controlled by someone else or synced to videos mean this is a sex toy that won't end up gathering dust in your bedside drawer. Orgasms with it feel incredible, and I love fitting it and letting it do all the work - the perfect lazy wank."

Stunt Cock

All too often, though, masturbators don't live up to the marketing hype, and I hoped that this wouldn't be the case with the Handy.

So I waited with bated breath for it to arrive, and then Joanne (the tease) wouldn't let me use it until she had taken the pics for the review. In her own words, "I need to do some pics first because you're going to make it sticky" LOL.

So now that I have most definitely "had the pleasure" of getting to know The Handy let me tell you all about this fantastic new masturbator that is going to dominate the market.

Additional Info

  • Overall Rating 9.6

Taking your fucking machine play to the next level using your phone

Last month Hismith got in touch asking if I would be interested in reviewing their new fucking machine controller for them.

I didn't have to think long before replying - "Yes, please". I mean think about it, a controller with remote functionality, Bluetooth and an app to enable control over the internet. It sounded perfect.

"I loved exploring the fucking routines that others had created, and some of them are one hell of a good ride. I also enjoyed creating my own to edge sub'r' and keep her begging to be allowed to cum hard."

Joanne

So I got my Hismith Premium Fucking Machine ready and waited for the new control box to arrive. I didn't have to wait long. Amazon fulfilled the order, and I was soon in possession of a brown Amazon package. I have spent the last couple of weeks thoroughly enjoying getting to know the new control box (any excuse for a good machine rodgering).

Generally, I dislike app-controlled sex toys, often finding them a little finicky or gimmicky but read on to find out what I thought of this controller.

Additional Info

  • Overall Rating 9.4

I think I have found my new favourite fucking machine

When HiSmith got in touch to tell me that they were sending one of their premium fucking machines to review, you can understand me grinning like a Cheshire Cat for a while.

I have seen their machines in action at various trade shows and was keen to see how one of their top machines would perform.

"I have enjoyed this fucking machine both anally and vaginally, and it's totally capable of pleasuring you in either orifice. Fucking machines just don't tire, they will go on and on leaving you to tap out when you eventually can't take it any more."

Joanne

HiSmith is getting some great feedback about the performance of their machines, and I could hardly contain my excitement when the doorbell rang when this one arrived.

So, this review is going to be reasonably long, but this machine deserves a thorough assessment, and so do you, so here we go.

Additional Info

  • Overall Rating 9.4

An adaptor kit with vagina and penis owners in mind

Hismith has been rocking the boat in the world of fucking machines. They have come up with some very lovely designs with great features and fantastic performance.

So, in December, when I received a package from them containing not just a fucking machine but also two attachment kits, you can understand my excitement.

"This is another fantastic attachment set, a lot of thought has gone into the selection of the adaptors. With it, you can pretty much mount anything to your machine."

Joanne

I have already reviewed the Pro Traveler KlicLok Sex Machine and the Attachment Kit For Females. It's now time to share my opinion of the Expansion Set For Men & Women, or penis and vagina owners.

So, let me tell you what you get with this expansion set and why it is good value for money.

Additional Info

  • Overall Rating 9.4

A fantastic adaptor kit with vagina owners in mind

In December I was sent a HiSmith Pro Traveler KlicLok Sex Machine to review and along with it I received two adaptor sets (this one and the Lovers kit).

This is a review of the Expansion Set For Women.

"This is a great little attachment set that has had a lot of thought put into it. Each of the five attachments is useful, it isn't a case of a couple and others thrown in to bulk the set out."

Joanne

It is an expansion kit that contains lots of extra attachments so that you can mount some of your favourite sex toys on the business end of your fucking machine.

So let me tell you all about what you get in this expansion kit and what it will allow you to do.

Additional Info

  • Overall Rating 9.4

This pint sized fucking machine delivered some fantastic orgasms

As a lover of sex and fucking machines, I do like to keep myself abreast of developments in the market place where both are concerned. HiSmith is a dutch based company that I have long had my eyes upon. They are creating some fantastic looking fucking machines that are receiving excellent comments and feedback.

I have met them a couple of times at trade shows, where I was blown away by their range of machines. I was therefore delighted when they got in touch to ask if I would give their latest fucking machine a thorough reviewing.

"It spent five days at Eurodisney helping sub'r' to get over hard days of walking and enjoying herself. I can attest that it is perfect for anyone considering taking a fucking machine on holiday."

Joanne

Well, as you can imagine, I jumped at the chance, this is a fucking machine designed with travelling in mind. As luck would have it, I was about to send my Stunt Cock to EuroDisney with sub'r' for her birthday. So, it was the perfect opportunity to put this "traveler" to the test. No doubt they are both going straight to hell for using a fucking machine at Mickey Mouseland but live life to the full I say.

After taking this fucking machine on a real holiday and having used it myself upon their return, it is time to write up my thoughts about it. So, without further ado, here are my thoughts on the HiSmith Pro Traveler KlicLok Sex Machine.

Additional Info

  • Overall Rating 9.0

Ride the Cowgirl for some intense orgasms

Now it is no secret that I am addicted to sex machines. I love them for their sheer power, stamina and ability to deliver incredibly hard orgasms time and time again.

I have reviewed the Sybian, Motorbunny and Tremor but so far the Cowgirl had eluded me. That is until I got a very kind offer from Nat who used to blog over on coolerthanaglassdildo.com. She has now retired from reviewing and was moving house.

"I had to be helped off it as my legs were like jelly and the sight of the Cowgirl covered in squirt and pussy juice was something else."

Joanne

Downsizing is always a hard thing to do. She had no space for her Cowgirl so she asked me if I wanted it and I was blown away by her generous offer - Thank you, Nat.

So with the fourth and last piece to the ride-on sex machine puzzle in my hands, it was time to get to know it and see how it performed. So read on to see what I think of it.

Additional Info

  • Overall Rating 9.4

The Rock & Roll wild child of sex machines

I honestly think that I am the luckiest sex toy reviewer in the world as I have been given the opportunity to review another fantastic sex machine, the Tremor.

I jumped at the chance when asked if I would be interested in reviewing the Tremor and have spent quite some time getting to know it. I have used it in my living room, my bedroom and I even hired a dungeon to introduce it to sub'r' (now that was one hell of a fun day).

"It amazes me when I close my eyes and listen to the almost primaeval noises emanating from me when I ride it. It is a fantastic beast, almost primal in nature and it can stalk your orgasm before chasing it down and utterly blowing you away."

Joanne

The Tremor is a ride on vibrating sex machine pretty similar in design to the Sybian and Motorbunny (check out my reviews of those two machines too). Both of those machines offer fantastic performance and so I have enjoyed seeing if the Tremor matches them in terms of their ability to rip an orgasm out of you.

I am now ready to put fingertips to keyboard to let you know my thoughts of this addition to the ride on sex machine marketplace.

Additional Info

  • Overall Rating 9.6

Slide and glide your way to an orgasm with this Monkey Rocker style sex machine

As anyone who reads my blog regularly knows, I have a thing for fucking machines in all of their forms. One thing I have been longing to try is a monkey rocker style ride on Fucking Machine.

So when Dave from sexmachines.co.uk got in touch asking if I would be interested in reviewing one you can imagine that it didn't take me long to reply with a resounding yes, please.

"Having got used to controlling the Love Rider, I have had some very lovely orgasms riding it. It is one of those sex machines that is also very good for putting on a show. As you ride it anyone in the room with you gets an excellent display of the dildo sliding in and out of you."

Joanne

This style of sex machine is entirely human-powered, you use your weight and legs muscles to glide back and forth, and a mechanical linkage turns that linear motion into the thrusting action of the dildo.

Sound like a lot of fun, doesn't it? Read on to find out how I got on with it.

Additional Info

  • Overall Rating 8.4

Another machine that proves the adage that you get what you pay for

Having recently reviewed the S1 Cheap Sex Machine Bundle for sexmachines.co.uk I was excited to see another machine arrive in the post.

This time it was one of the Machine Gun style fucking machines, the S2. I have heard lots of things about this type of device, unfortunately, none of it has been good.

"I did think the sticker on the side of the machine was almost as funny as the instructions, apparently, it's a Happiness Browser."

Joanne

I often get e-mails from people who own one asking if they are doing something wrong when setting it up, so it was nice to finally get my hands on one of them to see it for myself.

Unfortunately, this is going to be a review that may sound a little whiney as it was challenging to find any positives about this machine. So with a weary heart, it is on with the review.

Additional Info

  • Overall Rating 1.4

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