Bondage For Beginners - A Woman's Guide

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What Is BDSM?

The mnemonic BDSM stands for Bondage, Discipline, Submission, Sadomasochism and Masochism and it is an all-encompassing title for basically anything kinky and not vanilla in the bedroom (or any other location for that matter).

BDSM can generate powerful emotions, sensations and feelings and it really is an amazing activity, it's a huge subject though with some incredible kinks, but this article will primarily be dealing with the 'B' - Bondage.

What is Bondage?

Bondage is simply the term used when one partner ties up or restrains the other (you can practice, but this carries more risks). The feeling of helplessness and struggling to escape feels amazing and can be a huge turn on. You can be restrained for several reasons including sensory or tactile sensations, erotic art, pleasure or for torment. Sound interesting?

It should do, it's incredibly easy to experiment with bondage, you can use ropes, ties, belts or anything to hand to restrain someone effectively and it is this simplicity that makes it quick and so much fun to experiment with. As you gain in experience, you will soon find that you want more and then you can progress to proper restraints and some other equipment to heighten your senses and sensations.

One of the biggest problems faced by someone who wants to try a little bondage is the question of how do I find someone to do it with? Firstly never, ever get a stranger to experiment with you in the field of Bondage, so one night stands or tinder hookups are a definite no-no.

You need someone that you trust and so if you are in a long term relationship then it will be much easier, but there still stands the biggest question of them all - "How do I tell my partner that I want to spice things up a bit?"

Drop the hint - The answer to this is honesty, you need to let your partner know how you feel. Now you don't necessarily need just to blurt it out, maybe watch some light bondage porn together or describe scenes from an erotic novel that really turn you on. Sow the seeds in their mind and then let it develop, a caring partner should want to please you and do the things that you enjoy.

Lose the stereotype - Mention the word bondage to anyone and the first images to form in their mind is probably chains and dark scary dungeons when that isn't the case. Bondage can be very sensual, extremely exciting but also very liberating. Bondage is just another tool to increase your sexual enjoyment just as you can turn to vibrators and dildos to add some excitement.

Communication is key - I cannot stress this enough, you have to be able to communicate with your partner. You may have heard the term 'safe word' being used before. A safe word is one that you use to tell your partner that you are not happy and want the activity to stop. Why use a safe word? Well rather than relying on the words "no" or "stop" which lets face it, often get used as a gentle forms of encouragement when we are mega turned on or used within a scene it is important that a method is employed to categorically tell your partner that you are not happy and want to stop.

This is where I differ from the norm on safe words. I (hands up yes it was me) have been in a position where I have been tied up and spanked but it started to get a bit too much for me and yes you guessed it I forgot my safe word. I must have looked very silly shouting out random words like "cuttlefish, carrot, banana" struggling to remember my safe word.

Spare a thought for my partner though, what should be do in this situation? His submissive is obviously under duress but she isn't using the safe word so should he stop or is it part of the scene? Pretty problematic I think you will agree - oh and if you were wondering he stopped the scene to clarify whether I had forgotten the safeword. Forgetting a safe word is a big problem, but my biggest gripe with the safeword system is you only use it when a line has been crossed, and that is a dangerous thing. Play immediately stops when a safeword is used which is only right but you will have then lost the moment, and that isn't good when you're seriously horny and need to cum.

I use a different system, and I think you will agree that it is far superior to the safeword system in every way. I use the traffic light system, it's both easy to remember when you are under duress, and its biggest benefit is that you can use it to keep within your comfort zone and without having to stop play.

The traffic light safeword system - Here's how it works, basically ignore green I call it the traffic light system as it is easy to remember. I use the prowords "Yellow" or "Amber" if I am approaching a limit or starting to get out of my comfort zone. My partner can then change the play slightly or explore a new avenue without play stopping because everything has continued to become too much for me.

I can then use the proword "Red" as my safe word and if I use it play immediately stops and my partner would then comfort me and find out what the problem is. The best part about this system is that we can all remember "Red" and as I should never get there any way it means that "Yellow" or "Amber" can be used to warn my partner so that play doesn't stop it just changes and that means I get to experience no more orgasm let downs.

The traffic light system is easy to understand, it protects you just as a safe word should, but it also allows you to communicate and stay within your limits which is what it's all about - effective communication.

Pick your role - If you are new to bondage or BDSM you may feel pressured to adopt one of the two main roles, and these are the Dominant and the Submissive. You may feel that you naturally lean one way or the other, but I advise you to try both sides of the fence as you may, in fact, be a switch, that is someone who enjoys being the Dom or the Sub. There is nothing wrong with being a switch, let's face it they get the best of both worlds. Experiment with your partner, let them be the Dom one day and then return the favour to them until you work out which you prefer.

Go first and keep things simple - There is no better way to get things started than to grab the bull by the horns and make it happen. Volunteer to maybe wear a blindfold while your partner teases or massages you and then tell them just how much you enjoyed it. Maybe then do the same to them, it is all about changing their conception of BDSM and yes being blindfolded is definitely a great way to get started. They are an amazing tool as it removes one of your primary senses, that of sight and this causes the other senses to be heightened especially your sense of touch.

Then, take things up a notch but nothing too adventurous at this point. Try a little tie tease next, you won't believe just how exciting a blindfold and a piece of rope can be, just have your wrists tied together over your head as you are blindfolded. It feels incredible and is a good springboard activity into some more interesting fun and games. Experiment but take things slowly and always swap places so that you both understand the sensations and experiences involved. It will lead to some great sex believe me.

A blindfold is also a good tool when you are in charge for the first time, and you get that feeling of having a spotlight on you. Simply blindfold your partner, and it will give you time and space to compose yourself while having the benefit of heightening their senses. You can use anything as a blindfold, a tie or maybe some stockings work well, and they are also soft and silky materials.

Bondage isn't all about leather and metal, you can induce some incredible sensations with silky materials, and they feel altogether more sensual. Don't be tempted to buy in lots and lots of bondage accessories, you simply don't need them at this stage as a blindfold will suffice. You can then slowly add new toys to your activities over time.

Temperature play - You can instantly kick things up a notch with some basic temperature play, consider teasing your partner's nipples with an ice cube or use a chilled dildo. You can even warm a toy up in warm water for an entirely different sensation.

Bondage kits - These kits usually contain a selection of restraints and maybe a blindfold, they offer great value for money. Go for something that is quick release with things like velcro fasteners so if it all gets a bit too much it is easy for your partner to release you. They are a very cost-effective way of building up your arsenal of BDSM equipment.

In summary

Take your time when dipping your toes, go too quickly, and you can scare yourself or your partner. It's extremely important to communicate effectively and to have a safeword system that you both understand. Bondage needn't be intimidating, it can be very sensual and can be used to heighten your senses and deliver mind-blowing orgasms.

I hope that this article has inspired you to give it a go, jump in with both feet and enjoy yourself. If you have anything to add or any comments about this article I would be delighted to hear from you in the comments form below.