Alastair's Penis From John Thomas Toys

Written by  Apr 20, 2023

While Alastair didn't "make the cut", his dick certainly does

John Thomas Toys asked if they could send me some new items to review. One of these was a complete set of four of their new dildo - Alastair's Penis.

I had no idea what they would look like until I received them and opened the box. So I was extremely excited to see the contents.

"I love clamping down on toys as I orgasm. This dildo has an excellent level of squish that really is a pussy pleaser when I bring myself over the edge into a toe-curling orgasm."


I'm lucky that JTT always sends me all four sizes. So I get excited knowing that I do not only get a new dildo to play with, but I can choose the best size for me. This is important, as you will see, as JTT dildos are definitely larger than life.

I just needed to wait for them to arrive before enjoying my time with the dildos and reviewing them; I love my job.

Delivery & Packaging

JTT has always delivered my packages promptly and in strong discrete boxes. This time was no different. I appreciate this, as I do not have to worry about the delivery person knowing the vast amount of silicone cock inside the box.

The dildos are packaged with paper to stop them from moving in transit inside the plain cardboard box. Each dildo is wrapped in a strong, clear heat sealed film to seal it. The film has several stickers, one to let you know it is an original JTT product and one with the firmness rating.

Also inside the box were four storage bags inside a single black carrier bag. Plus, four vac-u-lock compatible suction cup holders. If you only order one dildo, you will receive one storage bag and a vac-u-lock compatible suction cup mount.

Image showing all four sizes of the Alastair's Dildo
I am always delighted when John Thomas Toys send me all four sizes to enjoy and compare.

Check Out My Unboxing Video On Youtube

Check out my unboxing video on Youtube

Materials and design

Alastair's Penis is another very impressive dildo. I find it very interesting to hear it was designed by Alison, a junior designer at JTT. She has done an excellent job relying on either a good memory or great imagination.

Image showing Alastair's Dildo unwrapped
I love the fact that Alastrais cock is uncut, I wish there were more dildos with this part of anatomy intact.

I am really excited to have had the chance to get to know this dildo, it is brand new and a worthy addition to the JTT range of dildos. It is availale in four distinct colours, four sizes and two hardness ratings giving you a huge range of options to choose from.

I always relish trying out new John Thomas Toys insertables and this year they are bringing out a lot of new designs to compliment their existing range.

Image showing all four colour options for the Alastair's Penis Dildo
I love this colour option but there are three others to choose from.

Alastair's Penis is made from medical-grade silicone, which JTT uses to make all their other unique creations. This is an excellent insertable material, body-safe, hypoallergenic, PVC, Latex and Phthalate free. Silicone is also a more robust material than some others on the market. This is my favourite material for insertable toys as it is also non-porous. I cannot stress just how important it is to select insertables that use high-quality body-safe materials.

JTT use copper moulds to produce all their unique creations. This is a more expensive option for production but a great way to ensure the design stays true throughout. This process ensures that every dildo that comes out of the mould will have precisely the same features as the original one used to create the mould.

Alastair's Penis has a straight shaft with a partially pulled-back foreskin and a realistic shape. A simple yet beautiful-looking dildo, it elicits all sorts of naughty thoughts when I hold it in my hand.

Image showing the glans on the Alastair's Penis Dildo
Have I already mentioned that I just love uncut dildos? I love the way that the foreskin is half retracted on this dildo.

It features a strap wrapped around the balls and the base of the shaft, which features some little spikes. These add a lovely finishing touch to the whole look, giving this dildo a look that is very pleasing to the eye.

Alastair's Penis has a vac-u-lock compatible hole in the base. This gives you many more options for playing with this dildo, from mounting it to a strap-on harness or fucking machines to simply using the included vac-u-lock compatible suction cup adaptor.

I received the soft firmness rating, but you can choose the slightly firmer medium firmness option if you want something with less squish.

JTT also send out a free vac-u-lock compatible suction cup holder with every dildo. These work wonderfully on clean, flat, smooth surfaces like tiles or the bath.

Image showing the suction cup adaptor together with the Alastair's Penis Dildo
These suction cup adaptors make riding Alastair's Penis relatively easy, with lots of lube of course.

You also receive a JTT faux velvet storage bag that will fit the size dildo you purchase. These black faux velvet storage bags have the JTT logo and name printed in white on one side. The material is robust, and with a drawstring, it will keep your dildo clean and dust free between play sessions.


Alastair's Penis has some lovely texture around the foreskin. The rounded tip of the head makes a smooth tip for insertion. The pulled-back foreskin gives a little more girth. Providing a lovely stretch before narrowing slightly to the smooth straight shaft.

If you're lucky enough to take the entire length, you can enjoy the feel of the balls and the cock strap. There is a centre spike on the strap that feels great when rubbed against my clit.

With a lovely set of big balls giving a great hand-hold, I thrust with it as hard and fast as I wanted.

Image showing the small Alastair's Penis Dildo
Check out thie sizes closerly, as even the small is very filling indeed.

The silicone mix gives a smooth finish, making it glide nicely against my skin with just a little water-based lube. The soft firmness rating means that it has a little squish making it comfortable to use. Alastair's Penis is also reasonably flexible, so I could enjoy playing in various positions.

With some water-based lube, I really enjoyed the feel of Alastair's Penis plunging into my depths. The sensations were smooth and extremely enjoyable, with the beautiful stretch from the head and the smooth sides of the shaft.

I love clamping down on toys as I orgasm. This dildo has an excellent level of squish that really is a pussy pleaser when I bring myself over the edge into a toe-curling orgasm.

The vac-u-lock compatibility meant that I could fully enjoy this dildo on a fucking machine. Even though I was sent the soft firmness rating, which provides a nice little bit of squish. It is still firm enough to hold up well on a fucking machine.

You also have the option of the vac-u-lock compatible suction cup. The one supplied is designed by JTT and works excellently on clean, smooth flat surfaces like tiles or a bath. It even works well with the XL size, but I recommend using it to hold this size upright as the weight may make it slide down the surface. You could also enjoy it with a strap-on etc.

Image showing all four sizes of the Alastair's Penis Dildo
Just to highlight how big these are, the medium is almost as big as a 2l soda bottle. You can see why I only unwrapped the small now.

Length: 9"/22.86cm 12"/30.48cm 15"/38.10cm 18"/45.72cm
Circumference (middle of penis head): 5.9"/15cm 7.28"/18.5cm 9.25"/23.5cm 10.23"/26cm
Circumference (middle of shaft): 6.22"/15.8cm 8.07"/20.5cm 10.23"/26cm 11.81"/30cm
Circumference (bottom of shaft): 6.22"/15.8cm 8.07"/20.5cm 10.23"/26cm 11.81"/30cm
Circumference (testicles): 9.25"/23.5cm 12.59"/32cm 15.94"/40.5cm 19.29"/49cm
Max Insertable Length: 6.84"/17.37cm 8.86"/23.5cm 10.67"/27.1cm 13.08"/33.22cm
Weight: 0.506kg (*variable) 1.235kg (*variable) 2.480kg (*variable) 4.245kg (*variable)
Price: £109 £149 £179 £279

Silicone is an excellent material to enjoy temperature play with. The robust material makes it easy to warm or cool to enjoy.

Alastair's Penis is very easy to clean after play. You can put him in the dishwasher to make it even easier. I like to use hot water and antibacterial soap. I leave mine to stand to air dry so that it does not get covered in dust or fluff.

Once it is fully dry, I tuck it to bed in the faux velvet storage bag supplied by JTT. These bags look great and are strong enough to hold even the weight of the XL. I also like to store the vac-u-lock compatible suction holder in the bag with the dildo.

Check Out My Review Video On Youtube

Check out my review video on Youtube

Alastair's Penis is another fantastic body-safe silicone dildo from @JohnThomasToys and it's part of their new range of insertables. Click to Tweet

Key Features

Key features:

  • Lifetime Guarantee.
  • Four sizes to choose from.
  • Four different colour options to choose from.
  • Two firmness ratings to choose from.
  • Smooth shaft.
  • Partly withdrawn foreskin.
  • Made from body-safe silicone.
  • Large balls.
  • Realistic look
  • Vac-u-lock hole in the base and it comes with a suction cup adaptor.

I would recommend it to:

  • Anyone who wants a realistic dildo.
  • Anyone who wants a smooth shaft.

I wouldn't recommend it to:

  • Anyone who wants a fantasy look.
  • Anyone who wants lots of lumps or bumps.

Image showing all four sizes of the Alastair's Penis Dildo
A size Queen's dream come true, Alastair's Penis is larger than life but oh so much fun to play with.

Final Thoughts

Alastair's Penis is a great dildo to play with. The smooth shaft makes the glide in and out feel great. The pulled-back foreskin provides a lovely stretch and feels terrific rubbing against my internal walls.

In fact, I love that this dildo has a semi-retracted foreskin; I wish more dildo designs would include a foreskin.

I love the silicone blend that JTT use and the soft has a fantastic amount of give when I clamp down on it. With lots of lube, it feels amazing inside me. The quality of their silicone is fantastic and they even provide a lifetime guarantee for your peace of mind.

I was sent these four dildos by John Thomas Toys and I would like to thank them for giving me the opportunity to review it for them.

Joanne's rating

Ease of use

Where Can I Get One From?

John Thomas Toys

Grab one of these fantastic dildos direct from John Thomas Toys, with prices starting from £109. At the time of publication of this review they are having a huge sale so take advantage of their special offers and grab a bargain.

Check them out and don’t forget to tell them that Joanne says "Hi".

If you enjoyed reading this review then check out my other reviews of John Thomas Toys products:


This review does not contain affiliate links, for more information about affiliate links check out my disclosure page.

Additional Info

  • Overall Rating: 9.2
Published in Dildos
Joanne Summers

Sex Blogger, reviewer, dildo afficianado, kinky quimsticking, electrosex loving mum.

I've been reviewing sex toys and adult products for the last seven years and I love doing what I do. Recently I have been designing my own range of e-stim electrodes.

If you find my reviews and articles interesting please leave a comment for me on them, I love reading feedback about them. Or alternatively you could Buy Me A Coffee, wink, wink.

1 comment

  • michael sams
    Comment Link michael sams Sunday, 23 April 2023 17:50

    These look amazing! JTT has a very nice selection, I own the Don in medium thanks to your review and I absolutely love it. If you ever have a give away of the medium or large please include me. I would love to try out another toy from JTT! Thanks again for the reviews you do.

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