Mindset & Getting To Know Your Own Body
I am a big believer in the fact that if you think you can't do something then chances are you probably won't because you won't put yourself into a position to prove yourself wrong and this is definitely true when considering anal sex. You have to want to do it in order to enjoy it, never get pressured into doing it and never, ever believe anything you see in porn films regarding anal sex. The performers in these films are athletes in their own field and they have trained hard in order to be able to do what they do. A penis is a huge thing to consider taking into your anus for the first time and so you need to get to know your own body in order to understand your limitations.
Your anus is surrounded by a ring of very strong muscles called the sphincter and unlike your biceps this muscle cannot flex quickly so everything anal must be done slowly and methodically. It can stretch to a surprising size given time but remember the first cardinal rule of anal. "Slowly Does It".
You are the best person to experiment with anal fun and this should be done on your own before even considering bringing in your partner. Use your fingers to probe and explore the sensations that can be enjoyed from anal stimulation - slowly of course. Finger yourself with lots of lube (more on that later in this article) but make sure that your nails are trimmed and smooth beforehand.
In the course of your experimentations you should definitely consider using a small beginners butt plugs to get yourself used to having something in there. I can highly recommend the So Divine Sweet Sensation Booty Plug as it is small and made from body safe silicone.
Sex toys such as Butt Plugs, Anal Beads and Vibrators are a great way to explore anal sex safely and to start to train your sphincter so that it is a two way door that can be slowly opened.
Once you understand what you enjoy back there you will be in a much better position to be able to explain that to your partner.
Lube, Lube & Lube Some More
The second cardinal rule of anal sex is "You Can Never Have Too Much Lube".
Your anus absorbs lubricant faster than a vagina and so it is critical that you use enough lube and that it is the right type of lube so here is a quick summary of the main types of anal lube.
- Water Based Lubes: These lubes are great for vaginal sex but not the best for anal as they dry out too quickly due to the moisture being absorbed so you will have to top it up regularly. There are specialised water based anal lubes though and Sliquid Sassy Anal Lubricant is good as it's thick and long lasting.
- Oil Based Lubes: This type of lube is better for anal sex but it does have two main drawbacks and that is that it can break down the latex in condoms and its a bugger to get off the sheets after play so it will often stain. Having a condom break down is never a good idea so stay away from oil based lubes and vaseline is a good example of this type of lube.
- Silicone Based Lubes: This is without a doubt the best type of lube for anal sex as it is very long lasting and is really slippery. Whilst it should never be used with a silicone butt plug it is ideal for fingers or a penis. There are lots of specialised silicone anal lubes and I can highly recommend Sliquid Naturals Silver Silicone Lubricant.
- Numbing Or Desensitising Lubes: Whilst the idea of a numbing lube might initially sound like a good one just think for one minute what it actually does. It numbs pain so that you can push yourself further possibly damaging or hurting yourself in the process. Pain is a natural body function to tell us something is doing us damage so never use a numbing lube as you will regret it the next day - trust me on this one as I'm talking from experience here.
- Saliva: I had to add this here as in porn films you often see a guy rubbing a bit of saliva on the end of his huge penis before delivering an eye watering anal thrusting session with his partner. Again don't believe anything you see in porn, his partner will be internally lubed up with a silicone lube and saliva is useless for anal as there is never enough of it and it will just be absorbed quickly leaving you dry.
Foreplay Is King
Anal sex is not something to be rushed (remember cardinal rule number one). Start with lots of foreplay using fingers or toys, remember to use lots of lube and the key aim here is to relax both your mind and your sphincter. Have your partner start with one finger, make him or her slowly push it in after lubing up and then to slowly thrust with it. Once you are enjoying that then get them to use two fingers and keep the lube going. Oral sex is always a bonus at this time and even a bit of rimming can help to relax you.
When you comfortably accept two fingers then try an anal sextoy or a butt plug to get used to being full back there. Only when you can easily accommodate two fingers or a butt plug should you consider thinking about taking a cock.
Lube up both your partners penis and yourself before making them lay on their back. For your first time you should be in complete control and tell them to just lay there and not to thrust. Position yourself and guide the penis to your anus and then slowly lower yourself onto it. If you feel pain then back off and wait before slowly trying again. If you have relaxed, lubed up and warmed up you will soon find his cock deep inside you. You can then move up and down pleasuring you both as you have control of both the speed and depth of penetration and that is very important.
Cleanliness Is Next To Godliness
On a final note I am just going to comment on the dangers of anal sex and what you need to be aware of. Your anus contains a lot of bad bacteria that you don't want inside your vagina as it can lead to nasty infections and increase the risk of cystitis or other urinary tract infections. Never "double dip" and by that I mean never move a penis, fingers or toy from your anus to your vagina without cleaning it thoroughly first.
Before having an anal sex session make sure that you empty your bowels beforehand for obvious reasons, have a shower afterwards to clean up properly and this will also relax you and give you confidence that you are clean back there. You can use an enema to wash yourself out but try to do it a few hours before anal as sometimes it can make you feel irritation if you have anal sex too soon afterwards.
Use condoms on toys and especially with a penis to reduce the chances of an infection. STD's such as HIV, herpes, genital warts, syphilis and gonorrhea can all be spread through anal sex. Always change the condom when moving from anus to vaginal intercourse (see double dipping above).
Painless anal sex is within anyones grasp, just remember the cardinal rules:
- Slowly Does It - Use foreplay to give your sphincter time to relax. Don't set your sights too high, you are not going to take a 12" cock the first time you do anal.
- You Can Never Have Too Much Lube - Use a good quality anal lube and lots of it. Lube is your friend.
Follow these simple rules and you can enjoy pain free anal sex just like I now do. I hope that you have found this article both informative and that it has helped you realise that it is something you can do without pain if you set your mind to it and take your time.
If you are looking for further reading on the subject then Cosmopolitan did a very interesting article on the subject - Is Pain During Anal Sex Normal?.
I would love to hear of your experiences or any advice you have to give in the comments section down below. Happy Buggery.