Blog

My thoughts and musings about life as a sex toy reviewer

I hope that you enjoy this insight into my life and what I do. I love reviewing adult products and I will use this blog to keep everyone aware of what is coming up for review soon and also to pass on any thoughts or issues that I have. I love feedback so please use the comments sections of these posts to get in touch with me.

You can use the search function on the site if you are looking for something in particular.

Making charging my sex toys even easier

I have just finished printing off my first sex toy chaging cable label clip using my Ender 3 printer and to be honest, I am quite happy with the results. I have always had a problem with locating the right sex toy charging cable to charge my toys. It is a common problem especially when you have as many sex toys as I do.

I used a design I found online and edited it in Fusion 360 to add the name Rocks Off to the tag. I love the results and it was a good prototype to print out. I am now going to design my own with a much smaller clip as this one is for ethernet cables so it is too loose on a USB charging cable. But it was proof of concept.

Published in Blog

Lodbrock make amazing hand crafted BDSM equipment

I am fortunate to have been given the opportunity to review some fantastic handcrafted BDSM products from Lodbrock.com.

Lodbrock is a German company specialising in handcrafted BDSM products, and their range of products is breathtaking. Their designs remind me of medieval dungeon equipment, the sort of thing you would see in a film, and the quality is exceptional.

I have just had a Goo Plate delivered, and I was blown away when I opened up the sturdy packaging, and I am so looking forward to putting it to the test on sub 'r' on Sunday at TP Dungeon (one of my favourite BDSM venues).

Published in Blog

Making 3D printed dildos and bondage equipment is so much fun

Anyone who reads my blog and my reviews knows that I do love a good bit of quim sticking fun. I relish using highly detailed and textured dildos and other sex toys.

For a while now, I have contemplated getting myself a 3D printer so that I can experiment and have lots of kinky fun with one. I have been inspired by Deviant Designs. Their kinky fuckery with 3D printed products is legendary, and they have spurred me into action.

Published in Blog

Guest Post

I am delighted to be able to introduce the fantastic Posy Churchgate from posychurchgate.blogspot.com and the @PosyChurchgate twitter account.

Posy ChurchgatePosy Churchgate has been writing erotica since 2016, but is beginning to expand into different genres and styles of erotic writing. Happily married and heterosexual, Posy embraces experimentation within her relationship. She includes something she's experienced in every scenario she creates; "libido is like a muscle, use it or lose it!” Posy jokes. When she’s not reading or writing, Posy spends time with her family and dogs, binge watching shows on Netflix or horror films from behind a cushion!
Check out her site posychurchgate.blogspot.com for her other work and also check her out on Google+ and Twitter pages.

Published in Blog, Guest Posts

Yes there are still artisans creating hand made BDSM equipment

As a society we often look for and favour the cheapest products, often valuing price over quality. We have become champions of the throwaway culture. We buy cheap and throw things away once that cheap product inevitably breaks before buying cheap again.

It often makes me laugh when I see people doing this as there is another way. Rather than buying cheap, look for quality and something that will last you a lifetime. Those extra pounds spent procuring an item will replay themselves over time when that item doesn't break.

This is as true in the BDSM scene as it is in society in general, luckily there are still artisans plying their trade and creating products that will last and that are beautiful at the same time. Often being one of a kind products that you can treasure until your dying days.

I have started looking around for Artisans in the BDSM sphere to try to highlight their work and hopefully show you that there is another way to spend your money. One that often makes more sense than just buying mass produced junk from China.

Let me highlight a few companies for you to show you what I mean.

LODBROCK

Lodbrock LogoLodbrock is a German company who now sell their artisanal wares in Japan, Europe and the US. They produce handmade products, and their BDSM collection is just stunning.

Focussing on quality with a medieval theme to their dungeon and BDSM equipment you can easily see just how much effort has gone into creating their excellent range of products.

https://www.lodbrock.com


ASYLUM DUNGEON FURNITURE

With twenty years in the furniture manufacturing industry, Asylum who are based in the West Midlands in the UK produces lovely handmade BDSM furniture that is bespoke and made to the customers exacting specifications. They are an excellent example of a UK BDSM firm looking to make their name known in the marketplace.

https://www.houseofasylum.org


HOUSE OF WOLFRAM

Based in the US, in Portland OR, House of Wolfram produce amazing BDSM toys and implements by hand, and their range of restraints looks fantastic. Why would you want to use cheap Chinese imports when you can have bespoke restraints made that will last a very long time out or quality materials but a real artisan.

https://www.houseofwolfram.com


SUB SPACE LEATHERS

Another great UK based manufacturer of quality BDSM products covering everything from BDSM to ABDL and cosplay. Again they make their own products in-house and so you are buying from an artisan with many years of experience in his field.

https://www.subspaceleathers.com


FETTERS STUDIO

Lodbrock LogoI have to mention the fantastic Fetters, if you are looking to fit out a dungeon or just want a unique one-off piece of BDSM furniture then check them out, their work and customer satisfaction speaks for itself. These guys are who others are judged against, and one day I'd love to own some of their equipment.

https://studio.fetters.co.uk

GRATEFUL PAIN

I have to mention Grateful Pain, a UK producer of bespoke artisinal BDSM impact play toys and equipment. Check out their website and help to support this great comapany.

https://gratefulpain.co.uk/

Conclusion

Google is your friend (well apart from sucking up your data), just do a quick search to uncover hundreds of quality tradespeople making bespoke products by hand. Yes, they may cost you a little bit more, but they will last. You will have the glowing sense of pride in knowing that you are supporting the little guys to grow.

Thank you for reading this, I hope that it has given you another option when buying BDSM products, search out the smaller companies, you will often be amazed at what they can produce.

Published in Blog

Guest Post

Joanne's guest postsI am delighted to be able to introduce the fantastic May More from ifsexmatters.co.uk and the @more_matters twitter account.
My name is May More - no labels, very much an individual. I have a sex-blog where I write true life bondage tales illustrated by my own erotic photographs. Recently my passion for writing fiction has really taken off and occasionally I discuss more earnest issues such as censorship.
Check out her site ifsexmatters.co.uk for her other work and also check her out on Google+ and Twitter pages.

Cookie for Whoever

By May More

“Eh, I do?” My mind began to tailspin: why am I standing here today?

I mean, you could say women have always been my passion. Let's start with the blonde bomb I fucked that first time, Jenny. I was a virgin but a cheeky one for sure. She was out of my league but still came after me. You know why? Because I already understood women. I studied the female brain for many years - a very curious organ. Often superstitious, for no particular reason, and always drawn by mystery. Of one thing I was certain - if you mixed the two you would have any woman interested.

This could have never have happened if I hadn't taken a position in the biscuit factory. My job was to put the messages inside the fortune cookies. Bored silly I thought long and hard – well I didn't get much action so I was often hard! Where was the harm? Just a laugh - see what happens. So I launched a thousand cookies with one message.

Here's your lucky number, call it and your fate will be revealed

Published in Blog

I am over the moon to be reviewing these bi-polar electrodes

One of the things that I love about being an established reviewer is when companies approach me to review brand new products, and sometimes I am asked to provide feedback on pre-production models of future products.

I love being asked for my thoughts and feedback on future products, it really does fill me with a sense of being valued and it is nice to have a say in the future of the types of sex toys that I enjoy.

I was blown away this week when E-Stim Systems who are my all-time favourite manufacturer of E-stim or Electrosex products got in touch and told me that they have sent me a surprise to review for them.

You can imagine my surprise though when a box arrived, and I opened it to find this before my eyes.

Image showing four Bipolar electrodes in their packaging in a box
I could hardly contain my excitement when I saw all four electrodes

E-Stim Systems have sent me the entire new Black Collection to evaluate, and I was buzzing. These stunning looking bipolar electrodes are based on one of my all-time favourite, the Bobble. But E-Stim Systems have given ti a bit of a BDSM overhaul, creating a dark version of it that I think looks stunning.

Their new luxurious satin finish and the shiny black insulator give these electrodes a meaner look that is very pleasing on the eye. I can imagine a set of these adorning every dungeon in the land as their looks will naturally lend themselves to BDSM electro-fetish scenes.

I am reviewing them, and it is proving to be a fantastic excuse for lots of hands-free e-stim orgasms. You will have to see my full review to find out my final verdict on them, but you have to agree, they do look the part, don't they?

Image showing four Bipolar electrodes
The Black Collection has sizes suitable for all users

Check Out the Black Collection at E-Stim Systems

My review is now written and they are amazeballs, check out my Review of the E-Stim Systems Black Collection.


Disclaimer - This post contains affiliate links and if you purchase something when you follow one of these links I may receive a small commission at no cost to you. For more information check out my disclosure page.

Published in Blog

My toy bags are at their bursting point and I need to downsize a bit

As a sex toy reviewer, you can understand that I have a vast collection of sex toys that increases in size every month. I am currently faced with a problem, and that is storing all of the toys that I have reviewed.

Since I can't keep using everything as firstly, there aren't enough hours in the day for masturbating that much, and secondly, I'd break my foof. I, therefore, need to downsize my sex toy collection.

So I am left with a dilemma, do I throw perfectly serviceable sex toys out or offer them to a new home for a very reasonable price. No prizes for which option I am going for, and so I have decided to provide the sex toys that I can sterilise and that have non-porous materials like glass, metal and silicone for sale.

All of these toys will be washed and cleaned with an anti-bacterial sex toy cleaner before shipping. Some have their original packaging while others don't. The prices listed include shipping by recorded delivery to addresses in the UK, if you want me to ship abroad then just get in touch for a shipping quote.

I will use the funds generated through the sale of these toys to buy new ones to review and so my blog will benefit from these sales. So on with the current offerings and these are:

Seahorse Dildo From Mr Hankeys Toys

The Seahorse Dildo From Mr Hankeys Toys

This behemoth of a dildo has a Vac-u-lock hole in the base for strap-on harness or fucking machine fun, and it is amazing. It is probably the most textured dildo that I have ever enjoyed, and I will be sad to see it go as it is lovely. It measures in at 25.4cm / 10" long and you can insert 22.4cm / 8.75" of it. Its circumference is a very filling 12cm/ 4.75" at the head, 17.8cm / 7" near its middle and 20.3cm / 8" near the base. Produced by Mr. Hankeys Toys in the USA it retails for $134.90, and you can read my full review of it here - Review Of The Seahorse Dildo From Mr Hankeys Toys

Asking Price: NOW SOLD

Hercules Silicone Vac-u-lock Dildo From Godemiche - Large

Hercules dildo from Godemiche

The Hercules as its name suggests is a dildo to be reconned with. This one is the large, and it is in Effulgence Glitter Blue. It features a huge pair of balls and a Vac-u-lock hole in the base for strap-on fun or for attaching it to a fucking machine. This is a fantastic dildo and measures in at useable length 9"/22.8cm, Head circ. 6"/15.5cm and Shaft base circ. 7"/17.7cm. A very nice blend of silicone makes this a beautiful dildo on the eye. Made by Godemiche in the UK, this one retails at £85, and they don't usually come with the vac-u-lock base, so it is unique. You can read my full review of the Hercules Silicone Dildo From Godemiche.

Asking Price: NOW SOLD

Published in Blog

This is an article I wrote for KinkCraft in the past

In general, most people that I have talked to think that sex toy reviewers provide a useful service as let’s face it the number of different options when choosing a sex toy is mind blowing. So it can be very useful to read quality reviews to see both the good and bad points about a product before parting with your hard earned cash.

The two key words in that last paragraph are “quality reviews”. There’s a huge difference between a quality review and something that has been quickly thrown together telling you about a sex toy, often just regurgitating the blurb from the packaging or manufacturers website. That doesn’t do anyone any justice at all and it certainly doesn’t help a potential buyer make an informed choice.

Recently there has been a huge boom in the number of people writing sex toy reviews and some of them are very good but conversely some of them are very bad. This growth in the sector is probably due to the big misconception out there that reviewing sex toys is messing around on the internet and that it must be great to get sex toys for nothing.

This misunderstanding is really quite understandable as from the outside it looks like the perfect job – “You just get free sex toys and just spend all day masturbating”. Whilst his sounds ideal there is a lot more to it than that and a lot of it isn’t glamorous at all and actually a lot of hard work.

Yes, companies do send me products to review for “free” but they are hardly freebies. When I agree to review a product a contract is formed and I am legally bound to provide an informative review within a set timeframe. I am being paid in materials rather than cash for my opinions and writing skills. But it’s still getting sex toys for free I hear you cry.

Yes, it is “free”, but let me show you what writing a quality sex toy review entails.

I start by looking at the materials used in the sex toy to see if anything is not body safe, yes I have had to learn a bit of chemistry. I know what Parabens and Phthalates are, these are two very dodgy chemicals often used in poorer quality products.

I have a small studio set up at home and when a product arrives the first thing I do with it is photograph the toy and its packaging, this process alone can take an hour or two as once the pictures are taken I then optimise them in various pieces of software to ensure they look good.

I then study the toy on the bench noting such things as how the material reacts to lube and dust. I evaluate the instructions provided and learn how to use the toy on the bench. I make notes, lots of notes at this stage, how noisy is it, how strong are the vibrations, are they localised or throughout the toy.

The first time I use the toy I just get myself off it, no notes or anything I just want to enjoy it for what it is. During the process of writing a review I will generally use it at least ten times and each time after the first I will have a notepad and pen next to the bed and I will jot down notes both in use and afterwards whilst my thoughts are fresh in my mind. This is the main reason why my reviews usually take about three to four weeks to write.

During these sessions I am not just masturbating, I am focussing on the sensations, characteristics and various settings, it does take the fun out of it but it has to be done that way. You can’t just use a toy once and write a review on it, there are so many variables that can affect how you perceive its performance from how tired you are to what time of the month it is or if you are stressed. Using it as many times as I do allow me to average all of these things out and to get a good feel for the toy.

Luckily I am usually reviewing more than one product at a time so I can alternate toys otherwise it would soon get very boring indeed. Coffee is very good for the next part of the process, it’s essential in fact.

Next it’s on to actually writing the review, mine tend to go on a bit as I try to get as much into them as I can. Once it’s written it’s then on to selecting and inserting images pertinent to the various sections of the review, these need to be formatted and uploaded onto the websites server. I write my reviews in html so I have full control of the layout of the page that way, that was self-taught.

It’s important in reviews to state both the good and bad points about a toy or product. I know that if I don’t like something, someone else may love it and so a review has to explain why something didn’t work for me so that readers can make an informed view of the product.

Once the review is written, and uploaded onto the server I then start the process of editing the review online, reading it over and over again correcting spelling mistakes and changing it so that it flows more naturally.

I then publish the review and notify the company that provided the product so that they can see it. They have no say in how I write my reviews and so it is only at this point that they actually get to read it as well.

Then it’s on to promoting both the review and the product on social media.

This whole process takes a huge amount of time and if I was to break it down into an hourly rate it would be way, way below the national minimum wage. Yes, I get the product for free and sometimes earn a small commission if someone uses one of my affiliate links to buy a product, but it certainly isn’t a huge amount but it does cover my expenses.

This is my reviewing process
This is my reviewing process and it shows rough timelines

I love writing reviews but unless you are one of the huge superstars of the reviewing scene it certainly isn’t a get rich quick scheme and it isn’t a full time job (for me at least). It is hard work but very rewarding when you get feedback from someone who has read a review and it has helped them make an informed choice.

So, do you think it’s a great way to get sex toys for free?

Have a go yourself

If you fancy trying blogging and sex toy reviewing for yourself then check out my advice articles for sex toy reviewers.

Published in Blog

My old stylus and tablet have given up the ghost

I love drawing toons for my articles and reviewsI am trying to save for a new drawing set-up. I want to use a drawing monitor which will greatly help me draw my little doodles and cartoons which I love doing so much.

But, and there is always a but, I have bills to pay and mouths to feed and so saving up for one is a daydream at the moment.

Like everyone I have to prioritise my spending and my bills come first. I came up with an idea for a neat little competition to help me raise funds for the new equipment.

I will do a unique piece of art in my usual style for the winner and send a printed signed copy to them to enjoy and maybe hang on their wall.

If you enjoy my artwork and want a unique one doing for you then please consider helping me save for a drawing monitor like this one:

Drawing monitor

What's in it for me I hear you ask? Well, the first 100 donators will automoatically be entereted into a draw and the winner will receive a piece of art from me, it will be printed out in A4 size and signed by me before sending it to you as a way of my saying thanks for your support.

Go, on buy me a coffee to show your support and get an entry into the competition.

Joanne likes her coffee

Published in Blog

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