Blog

My thoughts and musings about life as a sex toy reviewer

I hope that you enjoy this insight into my life and what I do. I love reviewing adult products and I will use this blog to keep everyone aware of what is coming up for review soon and also to pass on any thoughts or issues that I have. I love feedback so please use the comments sections of these posts to get in touch with me.

You can use the search function on the site if you are looking for something in particular.

It was so simple to upgrade my 2B E-stim control boxes firmware!

One of the features of the 2B Control Box (read my review of it here) from E-Stim Systems is its upgradeability. Unlike other popular control boxes like the Erostek ET312B Power Unit, it is always in constant development.

There have been four firmware updates this year so far, and the latest adds a number of new features and routines. I am lucky enough to be able to test pre-release firmware candidates, and today I decided to update my 2B to version 2.116B Beta version of the latest firmware, and I am already impressed with it.

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Breaking news!

Honour is a huge brand based in London and they have two physical shops together with their rather amazing website that is stocked with all sorts of kinky products.

I was delighted when they got in touch with me asking if I would review some things for them and also if I would mind making some recommendations for beginners and more experienced kinksters alike.

Having looked through their incredible range of products I have come up with a few that are noteworthy for lots of different reasons.

These nice folk have also given me a discount code that I can share with you all so you can get 10% off their range of products.

Discount code: JOANNE101

You can check out my special page on their site to view my recommendations here - Check Out Some Great Product Suggestions

I have received some great products from them to review and the Subservient Starter Set is fantastic value for money and totally worth a very strong recommendation. Check out my review - coming soon.

Grab to% off at Honour with discount code JOANNE101

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Breaking news!

Today Hot Octopuss, creators of the ‘World’s First Guybrator’, has launched a new product, JETT.

Their first guybrator, PULSE and POCKET PULSE, won a lot of awards but it carries quite a high price, this new product is just £49.99/$69/E49 though.

Image showing the JETT and its packagingIt is worn just below the tip of the penis and is driven by two powerful bullets, one Treble and one Bass–you can adjust each bullet for a fully customisable experience. It has a flexible sleeve that expands to allow you to go from flaccid to erect, resulting in hands-free orgasms. This sounds like deliciously good fun.

They’ve been working on this for six years, and it’s only available on their website right now, not in stores.

More about the technology: The JETT is powered by two custom ‘bullet’ vibrators, each containing a different sized motor, which delivers different vibration frequencies. The Treble Bullet emits intense high-frequency waves, while the Bass Bullet provides deep, rumbly low-frequency stimulation. You can use them separately or in combination.

They’re using the hashtag #FindYourFrequency because you can do just that by simply adjusting the power of each bullet to suit you. Find out more on their website: https://www.hotoctopuss.com

I have now had the pleasure of reviewing the JETT Guybrator so check out the review.

Image showing the JETT and its packaging
The JETT looks like it could be a lot of fun to use

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Not on sexmachinereviews.co.uk?

If you are reading this article on any website other than my own www.sexmachinereviews.co.uk, then the site you are reading it on has stolen it. Probably adding in links to nefarious sites and basically robbing me of my means of making a living.

My name is Joanne and my blog doesn't generate much money, but that is beside the point. I work damn hard at what I do, and everything that you see and read on my own site www.sexmachinereviews.co.uk is from my heart. I take great pride in what I do, and it galls me that websites skim my content illegally to post elsewhere.

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Guest Post

Joanne's guest postsI am delighted to be able to host this rather surprising story from a friend of mine who wants to remain anonymous.

Ovis

By Anon

I have felt for some time now like someone is watching me. It is a weird, hair stand up on the back of my neck kind of creepy. I have no reason to feel like this. I have made myself more aware of my surroundings. I have not noticed anyone that I see close by all the time, no vehicles or anything, no stalkers, it’s just a weird feeling that I cannot shake.

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Violet Wand play can be shockingly good fun

Since I bought and reviewed an Electro Erotic Neon Wand kit from Lovehoney we have all been smitten by it. For something that can evoke really raw emotions, it is an incredible way to get off.

Yes, the thought of playing with 40,000V - 50,000V is terrifying but when you actually look into it, violet wand play is one of the safest forms of electro play.

My Stunt Cock has really got into using it and he has developed a real knack of using one to send either myself or sub'r' into orgasmic bliss. He just teases us with the amazing sensations that a Violet Wand can deliver building up to some incredible orgasms.

Recently at a club, I tried a mechanical Violet Wand for the first time and that felt even better. You see there are two types of Violet Wand, mechanical and solid state. The vast majority of modern Violet Wands are solid state ones. These use electronics to produce the very high voltages and miniscule current that Violet Wands use but they can be harsh.

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Start the New Year with some kink

I have just reviewed the amazing Pillory Set from Lodbrock, and inside this fantastic set you get two impact play toys.

A leather Paddle and a Leather Flogger. Lodbrock has sent me an extra one of each to give away to two lucky readers.

So if you fancy getting your hands on these fantastic handmade BDSM implements just enter the two competitions shown below.

This has enabled me to offer the following incredible prizes, all of which are up for grabs for any of my readers in the UK, EU, USA & Canada.

Lodbrock Leather Double Sided Paddle With Rivets

This amazing prize has been provided by Lodbrock.com, they are manufacturers of hand made BDSM equipment and furniture.

The Spanker Paddle - Smooth on one side and riveted on the other, this is a paddle for quality play. Made from genuine leather, brass, and fir wood the paddle has a memory metal core, so it continually springs back into shape is worth €98.00.

Spanker Paddle From Lodbrock

Win A Lodbrock Leather Spanker paddle

Lodbrock master Flogger

This amazing prize has been provided by Lodbrock.com, they are manufacturers of hand made BDSM equipment and furniture.

The Master Flogger - The perfect length, width, weight and swoosh are what make this flogger fit for a Master. Hold the beech handle firm and listen to the tresses as they horsetail through the air towards your chosen impact point

Master Flogger from Lodbrock

Win A Lodbrock Master Flogger

Good Luck Everyone xx

Competition Rules

This competition will run from 12:00AM 17th December 2018 — 11:59PM 3rd January 2019 (London).

This competition is open to the UK, US, Canada, and Europe. If in doubt about your location please contact me and I can let you know where the item can or cannot be shipped.

I am fulfilling this competition and so you will need to respond to my e-mail if you win.

You will be responsible for paying for any customs or excess costs that might occur after shipping.

After the winner is drawn you have 2 weeks to contact me and claim your prize. If you fail to do so then I’ll re-draw another winner. By entering this competition you also agree to provide me with your address, so that I may ship the item to you.

I’m not accepting giveaway accounts for this competition. I will be checking to make sure that any entrants have an account that is made up of more than giveaway retweets. Please respect this, my sponsor companies deserve better and these competitions are for my readers and not competition accounts.

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There is a new fucking machine in development

How does a double sided fucking machine with a two year warranty and a thrust depth of upto 7"/18cm sound?.

Lm42p (Love Machines For Two People) have created just that, a quiet, controllable and unique machine that can be used on your own or with a partner or friend. Supplied in a nice wooden storage box that contains the machine and all of its atatchments which is 35 x 24 x 18 cm. Insipred by the humble inkjet printer this fucking machine looks very promising.

It isn't cheap but performance does come at a price and with sex machines you do really get what you pay for.

I will be very interested to see how this one works out and I wish the designer all the best with this great project.

If you want to find out more about this fucking machine then check out their site: http://lm42p.com/en/

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Here we go again, this time it's Tumblr

We can all sleep safer in our beds at night, on December the 17th Tumblr will join a long list of sites that got rich and popular through adult content but then turned their back on it. Yes, Tumblr is the latest site to join the Pornopocalypse by banning adult content.

But it will protect the children I hear some people cry. No, no it won't, this drives things further underground. Worse excellent content from marginalised groups will be censored, and this could actually cause harm to people looking for answers. This latest capitulation is just another in a long line of sites doing the easy thing instead of tackling problems on their systems. Punish everyone for the crimes of a few that seems to be the answer. Tumblr was recently removed from Apple's app store because of a child pornography case. I applaud shutting down that sort of thing, but big blanket bans help no-one.

Sex workers who are finding it harder and harder to earn a living safely are struggling to find ways of advertising their services, and they are being put in danger through the guise of saving them. Why not try actually listening to them but no-one does.

I am taking steps of my own to disassociate myself with Tumblr now. I am closing my accounts on there even though I don't post XXX content there, why should I let myself be another medium through which they can make money through ad sales. I also have a couple of vanilla blogs on there that I will also be removing, and I hope that others follow suit. Yes I am only one person, but I refuse to support companies that persecute others, and so I want nothing to do with them from this point forward.

Fuck You Tumblr!

Yes, I am upset as a few of my friends will now have to struggle even harder to make ends meet because fat cats shy away from their responsibilities to their users. Rant Over.

How can you help sex workers? Support them, follow them, re-post their posts and appreciate them for who they are, real people struggling to enjoy the job that they chose and love.

I would be interested to hear your thoughts on this latest pornocalypse, is Twitter next? Let me know your thoughts by using the comments form below.

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Day 2 at Erofame

Stunt CockStunt cock here again with another Erofame update after day 2 of the trade show. What a day we have had, it has been a roller coaster of a ride, and we are both sat here with throbbing feet but huge grins on our faces. So without further ado let me tell you about day 2.

We started early with another healthy breakfast (for sub'r' that is, I opted for the heart clogger special again). After breakfast, we went back to our room so that sub'r' could change as today she would be in uniform. A PVC maids outfit from Latex, Leather and Lace, a set of cuffs, a collar and leash. Today, sub'r' would enjoy the confidence of being who she is, a confident submissive.

Rather than catch the Erofame bus, this time we opted to take the car and use the onsite parking (10 euro). We did this as we left before the busses yesterday and that cost us 20 euro in a Taxi to get back to the hotel (rip off), so we saved 10 euro today.

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