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My thoughts and musings about life as a sex toy reviewer

I hope that you enjoy this insight into my life and what I do. I love reviewing adult products and I will use this blog to keep everyone aware of what is coming up for review soon and also to pass on any thoughts or issues that I have. I love feedback so please use the comments sections of these posts to get in touch with me.

You can use the search function on the site if you are looking for something in particular.

Because dungeon fun should be available to everyone

I love visiting dungeons for kinky BDSM fun and games but often when looking for new ones I simply can't use some due to their design and lack of facilities for diabled folks. That got me thinking, why aren't their disabled friendly dungeons in the marketplace?

How hard can it be to think about inclusivity when designing and creating adungeon?

Well I don't think it's actually that hard to go the extra mile to make a dungeon a disabled friendly environment. Most dungeons are vistied by couples of all sexes and so a disabled kinkster would probably be accompanied by a helper or partner who can play with them within their boundaries. But disabled kinksters need a play environment with enough room to move around if in a wheel chair. Ablution facilities designed to cater for all, maybe hoists and lifting equipmnet as well as easy access on level ground. A dungeon would also have to be at ground level and flat for obvious reasons.

I'm now seriously looking into opening such a facility and whilst currently in the planning phase, I am so fired up about the project that I just have to shout about it from the rooftops.

So what do I want to create? Well I want to create a facility that will cater for all and will be especially usefull for disabled kinksters who will probably have no other option to experience some dungeon BDSM fun and games.

I want to include the following:

  • Fully equiped dungeon with the usual equipment
  • Disabled toilets
  • Wetroom
  • Clinic Room
  • Nursery
  • Fucking machines and a Sybian
  • Kitchen with refreshments

I want to provide an exciting environment where vistors can live out their fantasies safely and with top of the range equipment. The biggest hurdle as you can imagine will be the costs involved with tackling a project like this with the usual sorts of avenues of business funding being unavailable. Banks tend to shy away from anything kink or sex related and so I am currently trying to figure out how to get a project like this off the ground but it won't be easy.

I do believe though that it is a facility that is needed and will pull out all the stops to get it off the ground. If anyone wants to donate anything towards the project then my PayPal e-mail address is admin{at}sexmachinereviews.co.uk

I will keep everyone abreast of the project as it evolves here.

All donations will be gratefully received
My Bitcoin Address: 154bckdioBv1vbLQ9R8Kpzv8AwKsbu3yGx

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I had an amazing day in the company of Latex Leather & Lace

I may have missed the opening day of the new Latex Leather & Lace store but I was determined to get down to visit them and I am so glad that I did.

I arrived on a cold morning to a very warm welcome from Patrick, Anna and the rest of the team in their stunning looking studio shop in Barwell, Leicestershire.

I had followed their renovations and the build of their new studio in a discreet business unit and what I saw when I walked in was a friendly shop designed around the needs of the customer.

A quick glance around the fully stocked shelves told me that they knew what they were doing. All of my favourite brands were stocked and these are the brands that I like to champion for their use of body safe materials and quality. Great companies like E-Stim Systems, Rocks Off, Fun Factory and some amazing clothing and footwear brands. I couldn't take my eyes off the kinky shoes and outfits as they were just amazing. With over 4,500 product lines to choose from you can spend hours on their website drooling over what is on offer.

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You can save big time in these sextoy sales

Looking for a bargain, who isn't? These Black Friday and Cyber Monday sales have to be seen to be believed. Get yourself ready for a very kinky Christmas by grabbing a bargain for yourself or that special friend who needs spoiling.

Disclaimer - This post contains some affiliate links, if you purchase something when you follow one of these links I may receive a small commission at no cost to you. For more information about affiliate links check out my disclosure page. This page has been put together to higlight some great bargains for my readers.

Cyber Monday 2017 is Monday 27th November

BYANNNARAE.COM
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Uberkinky Cyber Monday sale

Black Friday 2017 is Friday 24th November

E-STIM.CO.UK
These are the guys who introduced me to the exciting world of electrosex and they produce all of their own products in-house and offer lifetime guarantees on most things as they are so sure of their own quality control. I can't recommend their kit highly enough.
EStim Systems Black Friday Sale, upto 25% off

Use Discount Code: BLACK17


SEXTOYS.CO.UK
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UBERKINKY.CO.UK
Black Friday Sale at Uberkinky


LOVEHONEY.CO.UK
Black Friday Sale, Deals change 3 times daily


BONDARA.CO.UK
Bondara


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Uberkinky


LATEXLEATHERANDLACE.CO.UK
Latex Leaher & Lace


MEO.DE
Meo.de for all your fetish needs


SIMPLYPLEASURE.CO.UK
Simply Pleasures Black Friday weekend sale


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Cumpanion Black Friday weekend sale


AFFORDABLE-LEATHER.CO.UK
Affordable Leather

Get 1/3rd off your purchases from Affordable Leather Products for Black Friday and Cyber Monday! Just use the Discount Code FRIDAY at the checkout.


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I don't often get asked to do pics for people so I enjoyed doing this one

I was asked on Twitter if I did custom art commissions and I declined, saying that I'm not good enough to be able to charge for my work. Someone wanted a colourful picture that they could have blown up as a feature piece of art for a wall in their house and the art that they were looking for was a whopping £300.

I then decided to see if I could help so upon obtaining some pics of their dog (he was to be the focus of the artwork) I set to work.

Numerous hours later and after four failed attempts I came up with this piece for them. I decided to help out as whilst it would take up some of my time it was also an opportunity for me to learn more about digital art and I am very glad that I did so.

So without further ado, I present to you my Boxer dog art. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did making it.

Digital art - The Bulldog

Published in Blog

What the hell is going on with social media

For anyone who is unaware, recently most social media channels have been slowly but surely censoring people who post about sexuality on their platforms. I'm not talking about people posting hardcore porn, I am talking about educators, advocates, bloggers and even little old me.

Platform rules have been changing to prevent people talking about sex subjects and a lot of good people and information is being censored and this is a worrying trend.

Today Twitter has actually started to censor the word 'bisexual' in all image and video searches. This is censorship of an entire group of people, censorship of a sexual orientation.

You can still search for KKK and Nazi posts though. I cannot even believe that I have to say that it's Nazi's and the KKK that need banning from Twitter. I'm starting to lose faith in humanity and our ability to fight for what is right and just. Facebook won't even let you show a breast FFS!

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We need your help. We won't go quetly into the unknown

It's a common misconception that being a sex blogger or sex toy reviewer is the life of Reilly. Lounging around with nothing to do but masturbate before chirping to the whole world about the experience.

The reality couldn't be further from the truth, it's actually a lot of hard work. Hard work that often goes without praise from anyone. You live with the constant insecurity of knowing that you are considered to be an outcast of society. A sort of pariah that the establishment wants to crack down upon or even silence.

If that sounds a little melodramatic then good it should after this last week. We have seen huge companies toughen their stance against adult material. Almost punishing those who need help and support the most. Patreon has changed their terms of service which has lead to even greater insecurity for many of their users.

Share Our Shit Saturday #SoSSJust try approaching a bank for financing for an adult business. You will get stonewalled and shown the door. You are considered to be too high a risk for them to invest in. Even when the adult industry is generating $250Bn a year. It doesn't make sense when you look at figures like that. Banks and investors should be actively looking to promote start-ups and adult businesses to get a cut of that themselves. But they don't. There is a systematic aversion to anything sex-related.

There are even more worrying trends on social media. Even on one of the last bastions of free speech Twitter, moves are afoot to silence us. Well renowned bloggers have been shadow banned. This insidious process leaves you unaware that you have been gagged, No longer appearing in searches. Your messages to other users go unseen. Some of my all-time favourite bloggers have been shadow banned for seemingly no reason whatsoever. These are experts in their field and they no longer have a voice. Censored in this cowardly manner.

If you want to see if an account or even your own account has been shadow banned on Twitter you can use this website to run a quick search for your posts.

http://shadownban-checker.xho.bedita.net/

Adult performers, bloggers and reviewers all need your help and there is something constructive that you can all easily do.

Simply - Share Our Shit. That's it in a nutshell (or nutsack if you prefer), this gloriously simple approach was first mentioned by Girl On The Net and Eros Blog. If you like a post then please share it on your social media channels. If you like a tweet then please retweet it. It is the only way that some people can now get exposure to new readers. The bonus is that your followers can get to know the cool blogs that you know and read.

We shouldn't be shy about sex and we definitely shouldn't be gagging anyone talking about it in a positive way. To that end, I'm joining the Share Our Shit bandwagon and I will be posting weekly to help other bloggers get some much-needed exposure. Please take the time to check them out.

Share Our Shit Saturday #SoSS

Girl on the Net – Sex Blogger SOS

The first post that I want to share with you is the post that started all of this off. A great heartfelt post by Girl On The Net. She is amazing and I can highly recommend following her and reading her posts, some of them crack me up. She is both articulate and very funny.


Cara Sutra - Mee Too

Cara posted a #MtToo post highlighting her experiences of abuse and it brought a tear to my eye. The whole #MeToo movement is helping to lift the veil or secrecy and normality that has surrounded abuse of women. Please read her post, she is one of my favourite bloggers and her story struck a chord in me. The post may be triggering for some to think twice about it if you think it may upset you too much.


The Oooh Review – Adult Sex Shops and Their Mistrust for Reviewers

This is an incredible article that highlights just how hard it is to get on as a sex toy reviewer. So many companies are jaded towards reviewers due to being let down in the past. This post talks about both sides of the problem. Well worth reading if you want an insight into the life and problems of a sex toy reviewer.


Backwoods Bedroom - Uncharted Territory

This heartfelt post covers the anxiety that we can feel as parents when it comes to educating our kids about sex. It is a great post and one that I think needs sharing as it is a very important theme.


Candy Snatch Reviews - Memories of Tonight

A light piece of erotica that will raise your temperature and leave you wanting to read more od Candy's work. Check her out and tell her that Joanne says "Hi".

That's it for this week, I hope to turn this into a regular feature so keep coming back for some more recommended posts.

Joanne xxx

Published in Blog

Does the sight of a woman applying lipstick turn you on?

If it does then you are in good company as I have a thing about lipstick as well. I find it a huge turn on, both wearing it and also the process of applying it especially in front of others.

You may think that you are alone in this fetish but I am happy to tell you that you are not. There is a thriving lipstick fetish community online on websites such as lipstickfetish.org #NSFW

Personally, I love to slowly apply or touch up my lipstick in public. Knowing that guys are looking whilst trying not to appear to be doing so is a big turn on for me. Lots of other women also share this little kink. Why do you think we do it in public so often?

This has been one of my kinks since I was old enough to use lipstick and to see the effect it had on men. My partner loves seeing me with creamy lipstick on and it can lead to lots of fun and games.

I like lipsticks and also wearing lipgloss, I love the shiny effect that comes with lipgloss and it emphasises the shape and curves of my lips.

I actually prefer to wear greasy lipsticks as opposed to the ones designed to stay put all day. I want my lipstick to smear when I kiss.

I also love leaving rings around a hard cock when I go down on it. There is something incredibly kinky about "leaving lipstick on a dipstick". It shows you just how far you have taken it and it's then lots of fun to energetically smear it down the shaft during the course of the BJ.

What isn't there to like about lipstick. When I was courting I would always seal my letters with a kiss literally. So that my partner knew that it was a steamy kinky letter designed to induce a nice boner and they did.

I love making lipstick prints on tissues, envelopes and even my own breasts - kinky bugger. Can you tell I like lippy yet?

Now if you love lipstick or watching vagina or penis owners applying it and then smudging it off then you have a whole internet full of porn to jack or jill off to. The prevalence of lipstick themed porn is amazing, just go to one of the porn tube sites and enter "lipstick" into the search box to see what I mean. When I just googled "lipstick porn" I got 10,500,000 sites and that's a lot of porn.

So why is lipstick such a turn on? Well, it draws attention to the lips and this area of the face in most societies is a focal point for sexual arousal as are the breasts and buttocks.

Shiny lips are a sign of healthy lips and red especially is a colour associated with arousal as blood is pumping. Shiny and red, well I guess you can see where I am going.

But don't just assume that it's just red lipstick that lipstick fetishists love, oh no, we enjoy all of the colours under the rainbow and each looks amazing on a set of lips.

I have to admit to having a girl crush on Padmé Amidala in Star Wars simply due to her amazing use of lipstick

I use Twitter a lot and you can view lots of lipstick pictures there under the hashtag #LipstickFetish but be warned some will be very much #NSFW.

Well, I hope that you have enjoyed these pictures, they are indeed my own lips. If you have a lipstick fetish then remember that you are not alone, leave me a quick message in the comments form below.

I am just off to go and top up my lippy. Have fun xxx.

Published in Blog

It takes me ages to draw my little cartoons so I want your opinion on them

I would never say that I am good at my little doodles but I do get better over time and I guess that is only natural. I tend to sketch and doodle on 'down days' as it keeps my mind off other things. Sometimes I get an idea for a particular pic for a review and feel that I just have to do it.

But, am I wasting my time. Do readers actually enjoy seeing them in reviews and articles. Some might say that the detract from the message of an article whilst others may consider them just some light hearted fun. I would love to get into the minds of my readers and so please take a minute to vote in the poll at the bottom of this post. Thank you in advance.

History of my art

I was always accused of not paying attention in school and that's probably a good point. I couldn't stop doodling in my books, drawing love hearts and cocks LOL. I still doodle but these days I tend to use a tablet to do it digitally and that poses its own problems for me. It takes me hours and hours to do each sketch. Not really because of my equipment (lord knows I could do with better kit though) but because I find it hard to manage the disconnect between my hand moving on a tablet and the cursor on the screen. It sort of feels like having to write with a pen on paper that it's in a box and you can't see your hand. Imagine what your handwriting would look like. Well that is how I draw, the tip of my stylus is on a pad on my desk and the cursor is on the screen. It feels weird but I love the power of digital art. You can easily make corrections or make huge sweeping changes. But, for me anyway it's slow. That's why I don't have many on the site, partly because of the fact they take so long to do but mainly because I am my own worst critic - which is natural I suppose.

Examples

I am going to show some examples of my work here with links to the relevant reviews and then hit you with a poll at the bottom of the page - Enjoy.

Nova The Breeder - Dildo Review

I have reviewed lots of Bad Dragon dildos but this one struck a chord with me as it's just so pretty, I had to do a special sketch for the review of Nova the dragon.

Read the Nova the Breeder Review

Nova the breeder

Here is an animation of how I do my drawings with layers.

Animation

Beginners Guide To E-stim - Advice Article

I love e-stim play and wanted to write an article about what it is all about and I thought I needed a cartoon image to lighten it up a bit as E-stim can appear quite scary to outsiders who haven't tried it. It isn't dangerous at all and as this cartoon depicts it can be a lot of fun..

Read the Beginners Guide To E-stim

Beginners guide to E-stim

Shockspot 12" Fucking Machine - Fucking Machine Review

I absolutely adore my Shockspot fucking machine, it's my go to machine when I absolutely need to get a good hammering. This review has two pics that are a lot of fun but not NSFW LOL. Yes, I know I forgot to draw my nipples but hey no-one's perfect.

Read the Shockspot Review

Joanne enjoying a fucking machine

Zombie Cock - Dildo Review

I pulled out all of the stops on this special Halloween review and actually did three sketches for it to tie in with a fun little storyline that ran through the review. I had a blast doing these and it's a fun review to read. I hope you get as much fun out of them as I did drawing them, so far feedback has been good about them.

Read the Zombie Dildo Review

Joanne chased by a Zombie

Here is another animation of how I drew the picture above.

Zombie drawing animation

Joanne makes a bad life decision

Zombie Joanne

Your Opinion Matters

I'm now saving for some better equipment for doing my drawings. But I need to know if I'm wasting my time and money or if you do really enjoy seeing these funny little pics in my reviews and articles. Thank you for taking the time to vote. Please feel free to leave a comment in the form below as I would love to hear what you think of my sketches.

Joanne xxx


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Published in Blog

My latest character is a hit with Sybain & Venus

I had a lot of fun drawing my latest character for my Halloween review which will be coming out next week. No clues as to what it's about though but you may be able to guess.

When I posted a sneak preview of the character on Twitter the lovely Karen at Sybian.com asked if she could have permission to use it in some posts and I agreed as she is so lovely and I love the Sybian brand.

I then had an idea and tweaked the image to enable Karen to use it to advertise the Venus Male Masturbator and if you've read my review of the Venus you'll know that it can work on even a flaccid cock - much like a Zombie cock I guess. So I tweaked the image for Karen and sent her this one to use in this holidays advertising posts on social media. I am quite happy with the results.

You can buy the Venus in the US from - http://www.venusformen.com

In the UK you can buy and also rent one to try from - http://www.fmachinefun.co.uk

I present to you Donald the Zombie

I gave him that name as he isn't much into 'Brains', he prefers to "grab em by the pussy".

"Only the Venus can raise the dead".

Zombie Donald with his Venus Male Masturbator

Published in Blog

It can be hard living with a disability, especially when you review sex toys

This is an article that I have been thinking about writing for a long time now but it brings up so many strong emotions in me it's extremely difficult to write. I apologise if I tend to meander through the subject but I have no intention in wallowing in self pity within its bounds. It will help me to write down these thoughts and feelings as I come to terms with my personal disabilities and how they affect me.

I wasn't born with a disability, well except for a dark sense of humour but that has definitely come in handy. My teenage years and early marriage were like everyone else's. It had its high points and also its low points. My career was in education and I loved it, no, I lived to help and educate others and it's an incredibly rewarding profession.

When I started with my current problems it really hit me hard as I immediately had to give up my career. Basically because of medical procedures and my inability to stand and teach. Yes, I know that you can continue in that field in a wheelchair but I suffer from chronic pain associated with my disability and it simply makes working in a classroom environment untenable. Initially, I suffered from long periods of depression and refused help, which in hindsight was a big mistake. I wish that I had allowed those around me to help.

I love to sketchI threw myself into hobbies, drawing and eventually reviewing adult products. I have kept my disabilities a private thing as I hate being looked down upon as a second class human being. It's natural and something that I don't hold against people but often when able-bodied people see someone in a wheelchair lots of them don't know how to react. I don't need or want sympathy, I just want to be treated as an equal which is why up until now people don't know about my condition unless they have met me.

Reviewing and blogging are the two things that I live for and they have both changed my life for the better. My site is all my own work, even the design and html behind it, I have learnt a heck of a lot over these past two and a half years.

I am not wheelchair bound (yet) but need one when out and about as I can't physically walk far having had both knees replaced. The operations didn't go as planned and it has left me with chronic pain which some days in unbearable but I live for the good days when I can make do with crutches.

Living with my new condition has given me a lot of respect for anyone who carries or was born with a disability as even the smallest things can be an uphill task. I couldn't play with my kids in the park or walk with them through woods or up hills. I feel that in some way I let them down but I know I didn't, however you can't help regretting some things.

I get through each day as it comes. Some days I have to sit or lay in agony all day whilst on other days I can live a relatively normal life. I tend to plan and micro-manage things that everyone takes for granted. For me to travel it means planning a route where I can take plenty of stops in the car as it actually hurts to sit still as well as to move. I can't drive for longer than about 30 minutes and so I get to miss out on blogger and reviewer get togethers and that hurts.

Today was a low day for me. A wonderful company that I follow opened a brick and mortar store today and it was like a magnet to some of my favourite reviewers online. I couldn't attend though because, well because I am who I am and I have to live with that. I missed out on meeting some of my online friends purely because I am not able-bodied and that hurts.

I'm going to carry on fighting my condition which is only going to get worse over time leading to me eventually being totally wheelchair bound. I will not let it get the better of me though. My mind is still sharp (some may argue that point LOL) and inside I am the same person I was years ago. My body may be failing but I am not.

Coping Mechanisms

I turn my problem into lots of little solutionsChronic pain and lack of mobility are terrible and I cope as best I can using lots of little tricks (and painkillers) that may help others I hope.

I plan, I plan a lot actually. I have to have the right meds at the right time of day (and I take a lot) so a trip is a major expedition. Planning helps remove anxiety about the trip and it helps prevent mishaps. If you are in a similar boat to me then take the time to logically think things through.

Get hobbies, not "A hobby", there are days when you can't focus on one thing but you can on something else so always have something to strive for.

Be careful who you tell about your disability as some people will look down on you because of it.

Give yourself time to grieve about your disability, it can be a life-changing event that has huge implications so it's going to knock you for six. So take time to adjust.

Try not to punish yourself too much if you snap with someone, I'm sure that they will understand. If they don't then so be it, you can't put on a brave face all the time, you are what matters most.

Don't be afraid to ask for help, we all need help sometimes.

Accept help but look to others if your helpers are condescending or patronising. You need help, not to be looked down upon.

I turn my problem into lots of little solutionsDon't get upset or surprised when people say "you are brave", it's meant as a compliment, even though if you are like me you just want to be treated as an equal.

Accept your disability, but don't let it rule your life. There is a workaround for everything and make it your goal to beat your disability in some way every day.

You will have dark days when depression sets in, learn to recognise the early symptoms and get help from a friend - talking helps a lot.

Enjoy and maximise what you can still do, focus on the positive things in your life and not the negative.

Do your best, you didn't choose your disability but you can choose to fight it and to better yourself both mentally and physically where you are able.

Sex With Disabilities

When you have the horn there is always a way and so experiment. One of the reasons why I like fucking machines is that for me it is a great way to enjoy myself without having to open my legs wide. A disability restricts you but it doesn't control you

I enjoy masturbation (no shit Sherlock) and I haven't found a sex toy that I can't use. I might use sex toys in positions that you wouldn't think of as normal but I am going to enjoy them one way or another.

With my condition some days are simply a "no" due to the pain, on those days I tend to research sex toys and write articles. On the good days, I make up for it. You can tell it's been a good day as the sheets are in the washing machine. I need some Sheets Of SanFrancisco bedding LOL.

Sex with your partner requires communication and understanding, things that we take for granted when able-bodied can be show stoppers to someone with a disability. Communication is key to working things through together. Remember that your disability affects your partner as well and so you need to show some understanding and compassion too.

Foreplay is incredibly important if you suffer a painful condition as you just might not get aroused as quickly as you used to. Learn what makes your body tick and learn the art of pleasuring yourself. Don't be shy get a mirror and examine yourself.

The Future

I made a big decision earlier this year and that was that I am going to attend Eroticon in London in 2018 and I have scraped the pennies together to buy my tickets (one for me and one for my partner). I have absolutely no idea how I am going to afford to get there or to stay in a disabled friendly hotel in London but that's a problem I still have a few months to work on.

I decided that I need to attend to up my writing game and also to meet some of my idols. I will be there in my wheelchair and everyone will have to take me as I am or ignore me. I am not going to change and I am going to find out who my friends really are LOL. Most people have no idea and the look of shock on their face when I roll up to them in a wheelchair is priceless.

Eroticon is going to be a huge emotional roller coaster for me but I am ready for it, I am going to fight to get down there and to enjoy myself to the max.

My future is pretty much set in stone, eventually, the wheelchair will be permanent but as there is nothing that I can do to change that I am not letting that worry me. I will continue living for today and we'll see what tomorrow brings.

Reviewing

So if any companies want their wares reviewed by a charismatic reviewer (with wheels) then get in touch. I prefer to think of myself as not disabled but just differently-abled.

I promise not to bite, but I do have a tendency to roll over peoples toes, so be warned.

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