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My thoughts and musings about life as a sex toy reviewer

I hope that you enjoy this insight into my life and what I do. I love reviewing adult products and I will use this blog to keep everyone aware of what is coming up for review soon and also to pass on any thoughts or issues that I have. I love feedback so please use the comments sections of these posts to get in touch with me.

You can use the search function on the site if you are looking for something in particular.

My latest character is a hit with Sybain & Venus

I had a lot of fun drawing my latest character for my Halloween review which will be coming out next week. No clues as to what it's about though but you may be able to guess.

When I posted a sneak preview of the character on Twitter the lovely Karen at Sybian.com asked if she could have permission to use it in some posts and I agreed as she is so lovely and I love the Sybian brand.

I then had an idea and tweaked the image to enable Karen to use it to advertise the Venus Male Masturbator and if you've read my review of the Venus you'll know that it can work on even a flaccid cock - much like a Zombie cock I guess. So I tweaked the image for Karen and sent her this one to use in this holidays advertising posts on social media. I am quite happy with the results.

You can buy the Venus in the US from - http://www.venusformen.com

In the UK you can buy and also rent one to try from - http://www.fmachinefun.co.uk

I present to you Donald the Zombie

I gave him that name as he isn't much into 'Brains', he prefers to "grab em by the pussy".

"Only the Venus can raise the dead".

Zombie Donald with his Venus Male Masturbator

Published in Blog

It can be hard living with a disability, especially when you review sex toys

This is an article that I have been thinking about writing for a long time now but it brings up so many strong emotions in me it's extremely difficult to write. I apologise if I tend to meander through the subject but I have no intention in wallowing in self pity within its bounds. It will help me to write down these thoughts and feelings as I come to terms with my personal disabilities and how they affect me.

I wasn't born with a disability, well except for a dark sense of humour but that has definitely come in handy. My teenage years and early marriage were like everyone else's. It had its high points and also its low points. My career was in education and I loved it, no, I lived to help and educate others and it's an incredibly rewarding profession.

When I started with my current problems it really hit me hard as I immediately had to give up my career. Basically because of medical procedures and my inability to stand and teach. Yes, I know that you can continue in that field in a wheelchair but I suffer from chronic pain associated with my disability and it simply makes working in a classroom environment untenable. Initially, I suffered from long periods of depression and refused help, which in hindsight was a big mistake. I wish that I had allowed those around me to help.

I love to sketchI threw myself into hobbies, drawing and eventually reviewing adult products. I have kept my disabilities a private thing as I hate being looked down upon as a second class human being. It's natural and something that I don't hold against people but often when able-bodied people see someone in a wheelchair lots of them don't know how to react. I don't need or want sympathy, I just want to be treated as an equal which is why up until now people don't know about my condition unless they have met me.

Reviewing and blogging are the two things that I live for and they have both changed my life for the better. My site is all my own work, even the design and html behind it, I have learnt a heck of a lot over these past two and a half years.

I am not wheelchair bound (yet) but need one when out and about as I can't physically walk far having had both knees replaced. The operations didn't go as planned and it has left me with chronic pain which some days in unbearable but I live for the good days when I can make do with crutches.

Living with my new condition has given me a lot of respect for anyone who carries or was born with a disability as even the smallest things can be an uphill task. I couldn't play with my kids in the park or walk with them through woods or up hills. I feel that in some way I let them down but I know I didn't, however you can't help regretting some things.

I get through each day as it comes. Some days I have to sit or lay in agony all day whilst on other days I can live a relatively normal life. I tend to plan and micro-manage things that everyone takes for granted. For me to travel it means planning a route where I can take plenty of stops in the car as it actually hurts to sit still as well as to move. I can't drive for longer than about 30 minutes and so I get to miss out on blogger and reviewer get togethers and that hurts.

Today was a low day for me. A wonderful company that I follow opened a brick and mortar store today and it was like a magnet to some of my favourite reviewers online. I couldn't attend though because, well because I am who I am and I have to live with that. I missed out on meeting some of my online friends purely because I am not able-bodied and that hurts.

I'm going to carry on fighting my condition which is only going to get worse over time leading to me eventually being totally wheelchair bound. I will not let it get the better of me though. My mind is still sharp (some may argue that point LOL) and inside I am the same person I was years ago. My body may be failing but I am not.

Coping Mechanisms

I turn my problem into lots of little solutionsChronic pain and lack of mobility are terrible and I cope as best I can using lots of little tricks (and painkillers) that may help others I hope.

I plan, I plan a lot actually. I have to have the right meds at the right time of day (and I take a lot) so a trip is a major expedition. Planning helps remove anxiety about the trip and it helps prevent mishaps. If you are in a similar boat to me then take the time to logically think things through.

Get hobbies, not "A hobby", there are days when you can't focus on one thing but you can on something else so always have something to strive for.

Be careful who you tell about your disability as some people will look down on you because of it.

Give yourself time to grieve about your disability, it can be a life-changing event that has huge implications so it's going to knock you for six. So take time to adjust.

Try not to punish yourself too much if you snap with someone, I'm sure that they will understand. If they don't then so be it, you can't put on a brave face all the time, you are what matters most.

Don't be afraid to ask for help, we all need help sometimes.

Accept help but look to others if your helpers are condescending or patronising. You need help, not to be looked down upon.

I turn my problem into lots of little solutionsDon't get upset or surprised when people say "you are brave", it's meant as a compliment, even though if you are like me you just want to be treated as an equal.

Accept your disability, but don't let it rule your life. There is a workaround for everything and make it your goal to beat your disability in some way every day.

You will have dark days when depression sets in, learn to recognise the early symptoms and get help from a friend - talking helps a lot.

Enjoy and maximise what you can still do, focus on the positive things in your life and not the negative.

Do your best, you didn't choose your disability but you can choose to fight it and to better yourself both mentally and physically where you are able.

Sex With Disabilities

When you have the horn there is always a way and so experiment. One of the reasons why I like fucking machines is that for me it is a great way to enjoy myself without having to open my legs wide. A disability restricts you but it doesn't control you

I enjoy masturbation (no shit Sherlock) and I haven't found a sex toy that I can't use. I might use sex toys in positions that you wouldn't think of as normal but I am going to enjoy them one way or another.

With my condition some days are simply a "no" due to the pain, on those days I tend to research sex toys and write articles. On the good days, I make up for it. You can tell it's been a good day as the sheets are in the washing machine. I need some Sheets Of SanFrancisco bedding LOL.

Sex with your partner requires communication and understanding, things that we take for granted when able-bodied can be show stoppers to someone with a disability. Communication is key to working things through together. Remember that your disability affects your partner as well and so you need to show some understanding and compassion too.

Foreplay is incredibly important if you suffer a painful condition as you just might not get aroused as quickly as you used to. Learn what makes your body tick and learn the art of pleasuring yourself. Don't be shy get a mirror and examine yourself.

The Future

I made a big decision earlier this year and that was that I am going to attend Eroticon in London in 2018 and I have scraped the pennies together to buy my tickets (one for me and one for my partner). I have absolutely no idea how I am going to afford to get there or to stay in a disabled friendly hotel in London but that's a problem I still have a few months to work on.

I decided that I need to attend to up my writing game and also to meet some of my idols. I will be there in my wheelchair and everyone will have to take me as I am or ignore me. I am not going to change and I am going to find out who my friends really are LOL. Most people have no idea and the look of shock on their face when I roll up to them in a wheelchair is priceless.

Eroticon is going to be a huge emotional roller coaster for me but I am ready for it, I am going to fight to get down there and to enjoy myself to the max.

My future is pretty much set in stone, eventually, the wheelchair will be permanent but as there is nothing that I can do to change that I am not letting that worry me. I will continue living for today and we'll see what tomorrow brings.

Reviewing

So if any companies want their wares reviewed by a charismatic reviewer (with wheels) then get in touch. I prefer to think of myself as not disabled but just differently-abled.

I promise not to bite, but I do have a tendency to roll over peoples toes, so be warned.

Published in Blog

The grand opening of their new shop is on the 14th October

I have some great news for anyone living in the Midlands who wants to visit a brick and mortar sex toy shop.

Latex Leather & Lace carry some amazing product lines and they are going from strength to strength. They not only have a great website but also a new physical shop in Barwell, Leicestershire as well.

They stock High Quality Fetish Wear, Lingerie & Clothing in UK Sizes 6 to 32. But that's not all, they have an amazing selection of BDSM products and over 9,000 sex toys as well.

They carry an amazing array of kinky products and BDSM items

I have been following their growth online and I'm gutted that I can't join them today for their grand opening. My disabilities prevent me from travelling too far but I intend to plan a visit to them in December.

In the last six weeks they have moved premises but that isn't the really amazing bit. They have turned an empty business unit into a stunning looking kink boudoir (complete with changing rooms) and it has been bloody hard work for them. Their tweets have been a delight to follow though and it's been a lot of fun seeing the excitement grow for their opening today.

They are going to be visited by lots of people today. Including some of my favourite sex bloggers and sex toy reviewers who will no doubt keep them on their toes. I wish that I was one of the people seeing their new shop for the first time. I will have to settle to following the commotion on Twitter.

One day I would love to review for them as their social media prescence is a blast and they are really nice folks. I look forward to seeing them grow and grow.

They carry an amazing array of kinky products

Why not support a local company competing with the big boys and doing one hell of a good job of it by dropping by. I know that they will make everyone feel very welcome and you can browse their amazing selection of kinky wares.

Their details are:

  • Latex Leather & Lace
  • APW Trading Ltd
  • Unit A1 Dawsons Lane Barwell, Leicestershire LE9 8BE

Call Them On: 0333 444 0470

Website: https://www.latexleatherandlace.co.uk/

Go on check them out and tell them that Joanne sent you. You won't be disappointed.


Disclaimer - This post contains affiliate links and if you purchase something when you follow one of these links I may receive a small commission at no cost to you. For more information check out my disclosure page.

Published in Blog

There are some amazing sex blogs out there that need your vote

For those of you not in the know, Kinkly run a great Sex Blogger List.

Each year they nominate their 100 favourite blogs and have lots of different scoring criteria. You can help your favourite bloggers out by voting for them. A blog must get at least five votes in order to be eligible for the competition so please consider voting for your favourites. You can read their post about it here.

I was nominated as one of the top 100 sex blogs last yearFeel free to vote for me if you want to but please vote for anyone who you enjoy reading or who has given you good advice.

Whilst the Sex Blogging Superheroes is just a bit of fun it is always nice to be nominated and making the grade is a great feeling. One that I enjoyed last year.

So please take a minute to vote for your favourites.

Check out the sex bloggers list (Psst check out number 68, she's hot).

Published in Blog

"To shave or not to shave, that is the question" - Shakespeare (I think)

I am writing this article from a vulva owners perspective. Whilst it is also applicable to penis owners the focus will be on the dilemma faced by lots of us.

Should I shave or should I let my pubes grow to a ripe old age and length? To create a bushy garden that David Bellamy would be quite at home in.

Let's face it we're sometimes under a lot of pressure to keep our vulvas neat and tidy if not completely shaven.

If you look at 1970s porn you will see it full of glorious lady gardens, a veritable bushy paradise of foofness. Yes that's a made-up word, derived from my nickname for my own vulva - my Foof.

Conversely if you look at modern porn, even amateur stuff you will often be greeted either by bald vulvas or creative trims. Cuts such as the Brazillian, the landing strip and the bikini line are popular but why is that?

Published in Blog

I hate it when people put others down because of their sexual tastes

What is Normal Sex? I'll tell you what it isn't. Normal sex is not something defined in university studies, it isn't what is portrayed in the media and it certainly isn't a term that you can use to put someone down!

When talking about some sex acts with friends either online or in person some topics seem to be conisdered "outside the norm". Who defines what this mythical norm is anyway? I argue that you define what is normal for you and no-one has the right to define what you do or what you should enjoy.

Never feel shamed by your particular likes because you think it's not normal. If you like it and enjoy yourself consensually with your partner then that activity IS THE NORM for you both.

I wish that people would stop bashing others for their sexual tastes, gender identity or anything else for that matter. Let's all just get along and enjoy our likes, be them kinky or the NORM.

And breathe ....... Rant over.

This has been a party political broacast from the Joanne Party, the party that considers kinky the norm.

Published in Blog

It's SALE time at Ann Summers so grab a bargain

I would like to inform you that Ann Summers has a fantastic UP TO HALF PRICE SALE.

Check out their great sales to grab some bargains in this latest round of sales.

Published in Blog

I am excited be have been selected to review this Sybian style sex machine

I am so lucky to have been seected to review the Motorbunny a Sybian style ride on vibrating sex machine for CaraSutra as part of her Pleasure Panel program.

The motorbunny is being sent to me directly from the manufacturer and I am looking forward to seeing how it stands up to the legendary Sybian sex machine.

It will be an interesting review to write and I will actually be writing up two seperate reviews, one for Cara to post on her site and then one for my site. I have been reviewing sex and fucking machines for over two years now and I have reviewed the very best available and so the motorbunny will be put through a very thorough test to see how it performs.

Like the Sybian, the Motorbunny is a machine that you straddle and you can fit different attachment onto it to heighten your pleasure and it features two great functions. The first is that insertable attachments can rotate inside you to stimulate your G-spot and the second is its vibrations, if it stands up to the Sybian is will really rock my boat and I am so looking forward to the feeling of not being able to wlk after an amazing orgasm.

Watch this space for updates.

Published in Blog

I'm making a copy of my Foof

I have long wanted to be able to admire my own genitals without having to utilise a camera or a mirror. Guys are lucky in that respect as from an early age in their life they can glance down at their "tackle" and admire it in all its glory. Women on the other hand can't even see their vulva unless they are a world class contortionist and that makes it hard to get comfortable with your own lady parts.

I struggled in my earlier years to accept how my pussy looked, as it was different from the ones I had seen in porn magazines and films I thought mine was abnormal and that lead to a lot of agnst and struggles with my own sexuality.

I was delighted when the lovely Cara from http://carasutra.com selected me to review a Clone-a-Pussy kit for her as part of her "Pleasure Panel" and it was a dream come true.

I will be finally able to admire my own genitals and am secretly looking forward to doing the mould making process and casting my own pussy in silicone. It will be the first time that I will be able to get a really close up look at my own pussy and I am really looking forward to that.

The tricky part is going to be taking pics of the process as whilst everyone has seen the inside of my vagina, my pussy is my little treasure. I may be tempted to show you the finished replica of it though.

Stay tuned to follow my progress as I immotalise my Foof in bright pink silicone.

Published in Blog

You Know I Love Sex Toys But Did You Know I Love BDSM As Well?

I am really getting into the whole BDSM scene and you know what? I can't find many decent reviews of BDSM and kinky products out there, yes you can find flogger reviews but what about gas masks, vacuum veds, furniture, hoods and countless other kink related products.

I want to rectify that situation by reviewing more BDSM kits and items and I already have some nice pieces of kit in my review queue so watch out for those reviews. I want to review more though, so if you are a manufacturer or a retailer of BDSM items then please bear me in mind if you are looking for honest in depth reviews of your products in order to raise your businesses profile through the exposure on my site and social media profiles.

I am interested in reviewing:

  • Vacuum beds
  • Hoods & masks
  • Pony girl equipment
  • Restraints
  • Impact play toys
  • Gags
  • Furniture

Get in touch if you want anything reviewing.

You can see my BDSM product reviews here.

Published in Blog

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