Blog

My thoughts and musings about life as a sex toy reviewer

I hope that you enjoy this insight into my life and what I do. I love reviewing adult products and I will use this blog to keep everyone aware of what is coming up for review soon and also to pass on any thoughts or issues that I have. I love feedback so please use the comments sections of these posts to get in touch with me.

You can use the search function on the site if you are looking for something in particular.

Celebrate this milestone with me by winning some kinky sextoys

I am fast approaching 4,000 followers on Twitter and thought it would be nice to be able to celebrate this milestone achievement with a fantastic giveaway.

Three amazing companies have stepped forward to help me run this giveaway competition. I am delighted to be able to offer three amazing competitions to celebrate this milestone. I would sincerely like to thank Satisfyer.com, BathmateDirect.com and Sexmachines.co.uk

That is an amazing nine prizes up for grabs, I have split them up into three seperate competitions and you are free to enter all of them if you want to, this will increase your chances of winning.

This has enabled me to offer the following incredible prizes, all of which are up for grabs for any of my readers in the UK, EU, USA & Canada.

Sexmachines.co.uk - Win a Magnum Opus hand held thrusting vibrator

This amazing prize has been provided by Sexmachines.co.uk, they are the UK's largest speciality retailer of sex and fucking machines together with all sorts of other great products. I have been very lucky to have been able to review some great machines from them including the Willy Wanka and uFuc Pro fucking machines and an amazing spanking machine.

The Magnum Opus™ by ToyJoy® is a premium thrusting vibrator with an incredible 8-centimeter (3 inch) extension ability. The sleek USB-rechargeable design offers a special ‘harmonica-style’ shaft which, during use, will thrust you into mind-blowing ecstasy.

Sexmachines.co.uk prizes for my 4k twitter followers competition

Magnum Opus hand held thrusting vibrator

BathmateDirect.com - Win a unisex grooming kit or one of four cock rings

The amazing people at Bathmate have pulled out all of the stops and supplied some great products too. Enter this competition for the chance to win a Bathmate Trim Set or one of four amazing cock rings to spice up your play time.

Bathmate are renowned for their amazing range of penis enlargers that actually do work, I have seent eh results myself as my Stunt Cock is still using his Hydromax X30 Wide Boy pump.

Bathmate prizes for my 4k twitter followers competition

Bathmate Giveaway

Satisfyer.com - Win one of three of their latest sex toys

Last but not least by any means is this competition for one of three amazing Satisfyer sex toys. I have reviewed all three and love them so why not grab this chance to try one for yourself.

The good people over at Satisfyer.com have given me a Satisfyer Pro Plus, a Satisfyer Pro G-Spot Rabbit and a Satisfyer Pro 4 Couples to give away in this competition, just let me know which one is your preference.

Satisfyer Pro prizes for my 4k twitter followers competition

Satisfyer Giveaway

Good Luck Everyone xx

Competition Rules

This competition will run from 12:00AM 15th April 2018 — 11:59PM 31st May 2018 (London).

This competition is open to the UK, US, Canada, and Europe. If in doubt about your location please contact me and I can let you know where the item can or cannot be shipped.

I am fulfilling this competition and so you will need to respond to my e-mail if you win.

You will be responsible for paying for any customs or excess costs that might occur after shipping.

After the winner is drawn you have 2 weeks to contact me and claim your prize. If you fail to do so then I’ll re-draw another winner. By entering this competition you also agree to provide me with your address, so that I may ship the item to you.

I’m not accepting giveaway accounts for this competition. I will be checking to make sure that any entrants have an account that is made up of more than giveaway retweets. Please respect this, my sponsor companies deserve better and these competitions are for my readers and not competition accounts.

I have just received another fucking machine from sexmachines.co.uk

I am delighted to announce that I will be reviewing the uFUC PRO v.2 Fucking machine for my new sponsor sexmachines.co.uk

It arrived today and I have *cough* already shall we say conducted a little experiment with it. Well I'm snowed in so what is a gal to do with a brand new fucking machine?

I love the feeling of being hammered by a machine, they never tire, the never slow down, they just keep fucking like only a machine can do. The new and improved uFUC PRO v.2 looks like it is going to be a lot of fun to review. So lucky me gets another sex machine to review. Check out my sex machine reviews to see the ones that I have reviewed so far.

Now someone please pass me the lube.....

UPDATE - My review of the uFuc Pro is now live and its a cracking machine.

Eroticon - Come meet and greet me

Joanne Summers Feb 19, 2018

The virtual meet and greet

With Eroticon 2018 just a few weeks away everyone is finalising their plans. I am both nervous and excited to be going and meeting up with so many of the people I idolise.

I am going for the full weekend and should be able to attend the meet and greet on Friday evening. I have met some people going before, but most will be new to me. I will be easy to spot in my wheelchair (I wonder if I should fit bullhorns to the front). I am not wheelchair bound but will need the help of one over the course of the day (it's a long story).

Everyone going is encouraged to post a short virtual meet and greet post, and this is mine. Hopefully, anyone going will be able to glean a little bit of information about me from it long before we meet. If you go to the main Eroticon website, you can view links to everyone else's posts. So without further ado, here we go...

NAME (and Twitter if you have one)

Joanne (I will be accompanied by my StuntCock or Ian as he is also known)

@JoannesReviews

What are you most looking forward to about Eroticon 2018?

Firstly getting through my considerable nerves at meeting so many amazing people.

I want to up my game and hope that the talks and presentations will both inspire me and point me in the right direction.

I am also really, really looking forward to all of the bloggers and companies that I regularly interact with online. It will be so nice to put faces to the names. I will be in a state of constant awe I think.

I will be attending as many of the workshops and talks that I can as long as my body holds out. I will be gleaming as much advice as I can from the other attendees and probably be causing mischief along the way.

We are creating a play list of songs for the Friday Night Meet and Greet. Nominate one song that you would like us to add to the playlist and tell us why you picked that song

Aha - Take On Me, it brings back many happy memories when I was fitter and loving life to the full. I love the video as well.

What’s the first career you dreamed of having as a kid?

I wanted to be a teacher or a vet. I still love kids and animals but had to give up my dream of teaching when my health took a turn for the worst.

Weirdest place you’ve ever gotten up to mischief (define ‘mischief’ however you like…)

Ooooh now, that could reveal a kinky side. I think I would have to admit that the weirdest place I have gotten up to some mischief was in the lift in the Crewe train station in the middle of the night. I had amazing sex over a suitcase trolley LOL.

Tell us two truths and a lie about yourself.

I speak a little German.

I regularly use a laser engraver.

I have four suitcases full of sex toys.

Complete the sentence: I want..

everyone to have an amazing Eroticon weekend.

Check out the rest of the virtual meet and greets on the Eroticon website.

I will be doing a new Fucking Machine review soon

I have been asked by sexmachines.co.uk if I would be interested in reviewing their Willie Wanka™ mk II Fantasy Fucking Machine.

I am sure that you can work out what my reply was.

I love fucking and sex machines and have reviewed several in the past so I am delighted that they have noticed my site and are interested in getting me to review for them. For anyone not in the know sexmachines.co.uk is the UK's largest retailer of fucking machines and they have been trading since 2004 supplying over 248,000 sex machines to kinksters just like me.

They carry a huge range of sex and fucking machines including the legendary Sybian and the Shockspot, both of which I have enjoyed reviewing tremendously.

I am looking forward to the arrival of the Willie Wanka™ Fucking Machine and you can rest assured that my foof will be giving it a thorough review - all in the name of kinky science of course.

UPDATE: My review of the Willie Wanka Fucking Machine is now live.

Fancy Sybian performance on a budget?

I am delighted to have a review published in Darkside Magazine Edition 9, and this is the third time that I have written for them.

This edition features a side by side comparison of the Motorbunny and Sybian ride on sex machines.

Check it out and enjoy the rest of the magazine, you can buy your copy from the Darkside Magazine Website.

Darside Magazine edition 9 - Sybian and Motorbunny review

I am hoping to build one without frying my pussy lips!

Anyone who knows me or reads my blog will know that I adore E-stim or Electrosex. I can quickly achieve some fantastic hands-free orgasms using the electrodes and control boxes that I have, and it has me wanting more regarding both power and features.

My all-time favourite e-stim control box is my 2B from E-Stim Systems, it ticks all of the boxes and is a fantastic machine. It's some of its advanced features such as the amazing audio function that has me curious to try new electrode combinations, as well as the illusive Tri-phase set up. This is an electrode and cable setup where the stimulations feel almost 3D and can move around inside your body. The thought of that has me gagging to give it a go.

You can create an account for free on SmartStim.com and benefit from immediate access to some amazing advice from some very serious e-stim players.I recently joined an amazing forum called SmartStim.com and it's a wealth of advice and knowledge of the whole estim scene. It was whilst reading a multitude of posts there about triphase that I learned of the freely available plans to make your own Stereostim system. It was like a lightbulb ighting up in my mind acccompanied by a 'Ding' noise when I read about it. I just have to try one and the only way to do that is to build one for myself.

Because dungeon fun should be available to everyone

I love visiting dungeons for kinky BDSM fun and games but often when looking for new ones I simply can't use some due to their design and lack of facilities for diabled folks. That got me thinking, why aren't their disabled friendly dungeons in the marketplace?

How hard can it be to think about inclusivity when designing and creating adungeon?

Well I don't think it's actually that hard to go the extra mile to make a dungeon a disabled friendly environment. Most dungeons are vistied by couples of all sexes and so a disabled kinkster would probably be accompanied by a helper or partner who can play with them within their boundaries. But disabled kinksters need a play environment with enough room to move around if in a wheel chair. Ablution facilities designed to cater for all, maybe hoists and lifting equipmnet as well as easy access on level ground. A dungeon would also have to be at ground level and flat for obvious reasons.

I'm now seriously looking into opening such a facility and whilst currently in the planning phase, I am so fired up about the project that I just have to shout about it from the rooftops.

So what do I want to create? Well I want to create a facility that will cater for all and will be especially usefull for disabled kinksters who will probably have no other option to experience some dungeon BDSM fun and games.

I want to include the following:

  • Fully equiped dungeon with the usual equipment
  • Disabled toilets
  • Wetroom
  • Clinic Room
  • Nursery
  • Fucking machines and a Sybian
  • Kitchen with refreshments

I want to provide an exciting environment where vistors can live out their fantasies safely and with top of the range equipment. The biggest hurdle as you can imagine will be the costs involved with tackling a project like this with the usual sorts of avenues of business funding being unavailable. Banks tend to shy away from anything kink or sex related and so I am currently trying to figure out how to get a project like this off the ground but it won't be easy.

I do believe though that it is a facility that is needed and will pull out all the stops to get it off the ground. If anyone wants to donate anything towards the project then my PayPal e-mail address is admin{at}sexmachinereviews.co.uk

I will keep everyone abreast of the project as it evolves here.

All donations will be gratefully received
My Bitcoin Address: 154bckdioBv1vbLQ9R8Kpzv8AwKsbu3yGx

I had an amazing day in the company of Latex Leather & Lace

I may have missed the opening day of the new Latex Leather & Lace store but I was determined to get down to visit them and I am so glad that I did.

I arrived on a cold morning to a very warm welcome from Patrick, Anna and the rest of the team in their stunning looking studio shop in Barwell, Leicestershire.

I had followed their renovations and the build of their new studio in a discreet business unit and what I saw when I walked in was a friendly shop designed around the needs of the customer.

A quick glance around the fully stocked shelves told me that they knew what they were doing. All of my favourite brands were stocked and these are the brands that I like to champion for their use of body safe materials and quality. Great companies like E-Stim Systems, Rocks Off, Fun Factory and some amazing clothing and footwear brands. I couldn't take my eyes off the kinky shoes and outfits as they were just amazing. With over 4,500 product lines to choose from you can spend hours on their website drooling over what is on offer.

You can save big time in these sextoy sales

Looking for a bargain, who isn't? These Black Friday and Cyber Monday sales have to be seen to be believed. Get yourself ready for a very kinky Christmas by grabbing a bargain for yourself or that special friend who needs spoiling.

Disclaimer - This post contains some affiliate links, if you purchase something when you follow one of these links I may receive a small commission at no cost to you. For more information about affiliate links check out my disclosure page. This page has been put together to higlight some great bargains for my readers.

Cyber Monday 2017 is Monday 27th November

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Cumpanion Cyber Monday sale


UBERKINKY.CO.UK
Uberkinky Cyber Monday sale

Black Friday 2017 is Friday 24th November

E-STIM.CO.UK
These are the guys who introduced me to the exciting world of electrosex and they produce all of their own products in-house and offer lifetime guarantees on most things as they are so sure of their own quality control. I can't recommend their kit highly enough.
EStim Systems Black Friday Sale, upto 25% off

Use Discount Code: BLACK17


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Black Friday Sale, upto 70% off


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Black Friday Sale at Uberkinky


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Black Friday Sale, Deals change 3 times daily


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Latex Leaher & Lace


MEO.DE
Meo.de for all your fetish needs


SIMPLYPLEASURE.CO.UK
Simply Pleasures Black Friday weekend sale


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Affordable Leather

Get 1/3rd off your purchases from Affordable Leather Products for Black Friday and Cyber Monday! Just use the Discount Code FRIDAY at the checkout.


I don't often get asked to do pics for people so I enjoyed doing this one

I was asked on Twitter if I did custom art commissions and I declined, saying that I'm not good enough to be able to charge for my work. Someone wanted a colourful picture that they could have blown up as a feature piece of art for a wall in their house and the art that they were looking for was a whopping £300.

I then decided to see if I could help so upon obtaining some pics of their dog (he was to be the focus of the artwork) I set to work.

Numerous hours later and after four failed attempts I came up with this piece for them. I decided to help out as whilst it would take up some of my time it was also an opportunity for me to learn more about digital art and I am very glad that I did so.

So without further ado, I present to you my Boxer dog art. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did making it.

Digital art - The Bulldog

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