Sex Toy Reviews - Joanne's Sex Machine Reviews | 2015

Rocks Off Bamboo Fire 10 Speed Bullet Vibrator Review

The chisel shaped clitoral pleaser

One of my all-time favourite vibe manufacturers is Rocks Off. They are a UK based manufacturer of very reasonably priced vibrators and sex toys. Don't let the fact that they are cheap put you off though. I have the utmost respect for the genius in their orgasm engineering department. He or she designs first-class vibrators.

I was delighted when they asked if I would review their Bamboo Fire Vibrator for them. This is a design that they have had on the books for a while. I have had my eye on it, and so I jumped at the chance to treat my clit to some Rocks Off loving again.

I like Rock-Off vibes; I find that they work well with my masturbation style. I always have no problems getting off with them. This one didn't disappoint.


The Bamboo Fire was sent to me for free in exchange for a fair and honest review. That has not affected the outcome of this review in any way.

I didn't have to wait long for it to arrive and I must say it looks fantastic. I guess that you are more interested in how it performs though and so on with the review.

Red Doxy Die Cast Super Powerful Wand Massager Review

The Doxy Die Cast really gave my nether regions a full workout

It's a funny old world. You know the saying "it's like waiting for a bus to come along"? Well, I have wanted to review a Doxy wand vibrator for years now, ever since they first appeared.

I have seen a myriad of reviews written on how explosively good they are, but I was sat on the sidelines waiting. Then, all of a sudden two of them come along. I recently reviewed the Doxy Number 3 which is fantastic, but it's this bad boy, the Doxy Die Cast that I have been lusting over for such a long time.

"It's like the red apple in Snow White, it entices you to take a bite, or in this case take a journey on the Doxy bus, next stop orgasm land."


I mean just look at it. The Doxy Die Cast exudes sexual confidence; it knows what it's doing, and it certainly looks the part.

So after taking some smelling salts to calm myself down from the shock of owning two Doxys, I got on with the reviewing process with great glee and gusto.

Satisfyer Pro Plus Vibration Clitoral Vibe Review

They say that you can't improve on perfection, well they have

I can still remember the feeling of shock when I first tried a Satisfyer sex toy for the first time (Satisfyer Pro), and it made me cum in under thirty seconds from cold. Something like that stays with you, and ever since then, I have been enjoying the Satisfyer range of sex toys.

Their air wave technology feels like your clitoris is being gently sucked and it feels incredible. When I learned that they had brought out a new take on this method of masturbation my curiosity was piqued.

I like the quick orgasms that this type of sex toy delivers as they just seem to spring up from nowhere and bash you over the head in a surprise attack. I also find that the orgasms tend to roll on and on even after switching the unit off.


Their latest model combines the delightful clitoris sucking tech with good old-fashioned vibrations, and that was something I had to experience. Satisfyer were delightful, and they sent me a Satisfyer Pro Plus Vibration for free to review in exchange for an honest evaluation of it.

I deliberately didn't read any reviews on this sex toy as I wanted to be as unbiased as I possibly could before trying it out for myself and I could hardly contain my excitement when it arrived. I hoped the orgasms from it would be as memorable as my first ones with Satisfyers products - talk about high expectations.

Satisfyer Pro 4 Couples Vibrator Review

It gives Penis in Vagina sex a whole new twist

It seems like Satisfyer just keeps creating new sex toys to keep me on my toes and they asked if I would be interested in reviewing a couples sex toy called the Satisfyer Pro 4 Couples. I loved the concept of a couples vibrator that also uses their airwave technology, and so I jumped at the chance.

This is one of their latest batch of sex toys that they sent me to review in exchange for a fair and honest review.

I am not sure if it is just in my mind, but I feel that with it inside me the sensations against my g-spot are increased. That may just be the effect the vibrations have on me internally coupled with the 'tightening' effect.


So I think I should say a quick word about "how" this is a couples sex toy. Unlike the Pulse III Duo that I reviewed this couples toy has an insertable vibrating element coupled with an external clitoral suction wave stimulator. In that regards, I can't really compare the two toys, and I was looking forward to giving this one a thorough testing.

My Stunt Cock obviously relished the chance to test a couples toy with me (I did not doubt that he would to be honest). So how did we get on and what are my thoughts on it?

Doxy Number 3 Massager - Wand Vibrator Review

When I say it was a pleasure to review - I really mean it

I have finally managed to tick off an amazing sextoy from my sextoy bucket list. After three years of longing, my body has had the pleasure of a Doxy wand. It's not the one that I have spent the last two years lusting over, but my luck never fails to surprise me as this one is even better.

The kinky guys over at sent me a Doxy Number 3 wand vibrator to review for them free of charge in exchange for a fair and honest review.

I recommend using a water based lube on and around your clitoris when using the Doxy; the vibrations are so intense I find that some lube helps them to spread more and it smoothes them out a bit which means you can up the power a little.


For anyone not in the know, the Doxy wands are the holy grail of handheld sex toys, and they are the wands that all others are now measured against.

Yes, I know the Hitachi Magic Wand was the first, and I did have one of those, but my Foof broke it a long time ago, and since then I have longed to experience a Doxy to see if they would live up to all of the hype about them.

So Divine Lets Go Crazy Rabbit Vibe Review

Just when you thought the rabbit vibe couldn't get better

I absolutely love Rabbit Vibes, their design really does it for me. I like to be filled as I masturbate, feeling the delicious sensations of having myself open up to accept a sex toy. I also love strong clitoral stimulations as well.

I was delighted when So Divine got in touch asking me if I wanted to review one of their latest creations, the Lets Go Crazy rabbit vibe. They sent me this vibrator for free in exchange for a fair and honest review and that has not affected this review in any way.

Quimsticking with a sex toy that is at body temperature is an amazing feeling and this rabbit stands out from the crowd because of this and the amazing thudding g-spot stimulations that it delivers.


Now I know its name has some negative connotations for some people but for me, it's talking about fun and that is what I hoped (or should that be hopped) for. Fun and lots of it.

So, why does the Lets Go Crazy Rabbit Vibe have me hopping for joy?

Rocks Off Unihorn Stardust Bullet Vibrator Review

Sometimes I question my sanity but the Unicorn in my kitchen says I'm fine.

I was delighted when I received a package of new sex toys to review from Rocks Off. They are one of my favourite UK manufacturers and I can honestly say I haven't found any of their vibrators that I didn't like.

They sent me three new products to review and this is the first one. The absolutely stunning Unihorn 10 speed vibrator.

There is something about Unicorns that I really like and so this colourful vibe from Rocks Off really caught my eye. Apparently, a Unicorn will only come to a maiden of a pure heart. So owning a Unihorn vibrator is the closest I will ever get to a Unicorn I guess.


I could hardly contain my excitement when I first saw it as I have a bit of a thing for Unicorns - well who doesn't?

This is another of their popular range of bullet vibes and I couldn't wait to put it to the test. Their new 10 speed bullets have been generating a very positive ripple through the reviewing community that is growing into tidal wave proportions. It looks amazing, but how does its performance rate, read on to find out?

Queen Bee Review From Hot Octopuss

This absolute gem of a vibrator is like Marmite, you'll love it or hate it

This year has seen many new sex toys enter the marketplace, some touted as new concepts or ideas. Some fell on their faces whilst others have thrived. The Queen Bee is one of those new and radical designs of sex toy.

The Queen Bee has a unique approach to masturbation and stimulation, it's a huge leap of faith for its manufacturer Hot Octopuss. Note to self: I really, really love that name.

The pulsing sensations felt incredible on my clitoris and they are hard to describe. It sort of feels like a finger tapping your clit very, very fast and it blew me away.


Earlier in the year, I was lucky enough to review their Pulse III Duo and I was fascinated by the pulse plate technology. I have never wanted a penis between my legs so much in my life. Stop giggling, you know what I mean. I wanted to feel that pulse plate on my genitals so much.

Well, Hot Octopus listened and that same sex-tech is placed into the Queen Bee. A sex toy that I suppose you could call a wand even though it carries more of a resemblance to a hairless brush.

Rocks Off 80mm Bullet Vibe Review

A Dependable Bullet Vibrator That Has Stood The Test Of Time

I was delighted when Susan from Cherry Blossom Direct got in touch asking if I wanted an RO-80mm Rocks Off bullet vibe to review. Of course I couldn't say no to an offer like that now could I? Cherry Blossom Direct are an online retailer that are looking to establish two brick and mortar stores in the first quarter of 2018 and this will be the first item that I have reviewed for them (hopefully not the last).

I simply adore Rocks Off and I was lucky enough to meet with some of their lovely staff at the 2016 ETO show (it's a big pity that this years was cancelled but that's another story). Rocks off produce an amazing range of sex toys and they are a great UK success story, I hope that some of their luck and determination rubs off on Cherry Blossom Direct.

This toy was designed for clitoral use and it is in this mode that it works best. It's cheap, cheerful, body safe, damn effective and for only £7.99 it's a real winner. Everyone should have one for those moments when you just need some extra stimulation.


This is a pretty short review by my usual standards as lets face it this is a bullet vibe with only one speed setting but you are obviously wanting to know more about it and to find out why I like it so much or you wouldn't be reading this so let's get on with the review.

Fantasy C-Ringz Ultimate Couples Cage Vibrating Cock Ring from Uberkinky

Double The Fun With This Cock Ring

This is the first cock ring that I have reviewed and its a cracker. I obviously had to enlist the aid of my 'Stunt Cock' who is always all too eager to join me in my quest for experimenting with more and more sex toys. I was delighted when I was asked by Uberkinky if I would like to review a cock ring from their range of cock rings for them and I could hardly contain my excitement as I waited for this one to arrive as it seemed too good to be true - body safe materials, two vibrators in one toy etc.

I didn't have to wait long as Uberkinky are always super fast with their deliveries and they are always very discreet when it comes to their packaging too.

It's when you turn it on whilst enjoying intercourse that this cock ring really comes into its own as it stimulates both partners.


I must admit I was a little under inspired when I took this toy out of the box that it arrived in as the packaging is a little shall we say cramped. But I suppose you could say cosy instead and so I put that behind me and got on with the reviewing process. Would it open my eyes to a whole new world of kinky toys or is it just a gimmick? Read on to find out.

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