Joanne's Sex Machine and Sex Toy Reviews

Welcome to my siteWelcome to my site, I hope that you enjoy my reviews and articles. I have a fascination with sex toys and in particular sex and fucking machines, e-stim and BDSM.

I have a lot of fun doing what I do and I hope it shows in my reviews and articles.

I love hearing from my readers so please don't be shy, post a comment or get in touch.

Joanne xxx

Joanne Summers

Joanne Summers

I am an award winning reviewer and married mother of two who loves getting off with all manner of Sex Toys. I really have a soft spot for Fucking Machines and Sex Machines though (I bet you can guess where that soft spot is). I'm also rather fond of E-Stim or Electrosex as well as kinky BDSM play. I love reviewing all manner of sex toys, adult related products and lubes so join me on my quest for ever kinkier orgasms.

Sinful Sunday Week 371

Rope can be so much fun

It's all about the picture, and this one shows some overkill when it comes to restraining a submissive. But I guess you just can't be too careful. It features the lovely sub'r' with her wrists bound by some bright red rope.

This weeks pic shows some red rope restrasining a submissive.

Please leave a comment on this post if you enjoyed the pic as it should be the kick up the bum I need to post more for the Sinful Sunday roundup.

Sinful Sunday

Bijoux Indescrets Flamboyant Body Jewelery Purple And Pink

Your nipples and foof will have never looked so good when all blinged up

I am not one for bling, usually, but when I saw the Bijoux Indescrets Body Jewelry, I was filled with curiosity and desire.

I had to see how sexy they would look and as you get a pair of stick-on nipple jewellery plus a set for your vulva I was hooked.

"The effect obtained with the crystals stuck firmly to the silicone lattice is genuinely beautiful. It is this latticework frame that the jewels are attached to that makes this product so versatile."

Joanne

Stick on jewelry or pasties are not anything new, they have been around for hundreds of years with burlesque dancers using pasties to provide some modesty to their performances.

However, these new stick on jewelry lines are fantastic as they use modern materials to give you a look that will definitely turn heads.

Share Our Shit Saturday 9 #SoSS

Well after a week of great weather its time for another #SOSS post

I am still bemused as to what the warm yellow thing in the sky was on the Bank Holiday Weekend, I am just not used it being warm and dry on a Bank Holiday Monday. This last one broke all of the records and I hope the good weather continues as I love the feel of the sun on my skin.

For anyone not aware of what #SOSS is (where have you been) it's a great way for bloggers and reviewers to help spread the word about how amazing some of our friends online really are. I am constantly in awe of the amazing things I read and it is a privilege to see into these people lives. I love reading other blogs and these are a few of the posts that caught my eye this week.

Please consider showing your support for these authors by leaving a comment post on their site or better yet share their work. If you like it then your social circle probably will as well.

Anyway in no particular order these are the posts I'd like to help promote:

Share Our Shit Saturday #SoSS

Bondage God

Bondage God - Satisfyer For Men – Check out this great review of the new masturbator from Satisfyer.

I always enjoy Bondage God's reviews, they are well written, factual and he has a great writing style. I greatly value his opinion on the sex toys that he reviews and yet again I enjoyed his review of a male masturbator and it left me wishing I had the necessary equipment between my legs to enjoy it myself.


Posy Churchgate

Posy Churchgate - A Dragon's Tale (Part 3)

This story reminded me of this pic I didPosy writes some incredible hot literature and I loved this series (check out parts 1 & 2), it reminds me of my review of Nova the Breeder, a Bad Dragon dildo. I have always had a thing for Dragons and this short story really hits the spot of me. If you like it kinky then check out this great story and the rest of her amazing work.

"How he longed to run his tongue down her neck and into the dark valley between Violetta’s pert breasts. Under those orbs would be delicious salty deposits and in her armpits too, but the greatest pleasure would be curling it around her nipple and flicking teasingly with its split tines at the deep pink flesh until it puckered and tightened to a hard, yearning stalk."

Ella Scandal

Ella Scandal (Scandarella) – A Dystopia We Deserve

Only Ella can make a dystopian vision of the future hot as hell. She is an amazing wordsmith and this erotic short has you on the edge of your seat. It is both thought provoking and arousing at the same time. Oh and she has been nominated for Best Erotic Writer at the 2018 ETO Awards, good luck and well done, it is a well deserved nomination.


Girl On The Net

Girl On The Net - Kinky DIY: Turn your coffee table into a spanking bench

I love it when GOTN dusts off her tools and treats us to another amazing DIY article, this one is about making her own spanking bench - I want one! Follow her great instructions and funny annecdotes to see how DIY can be both functional and fun too. On a self promotional plug, check out my guest post on her site too - Her First Fucking Machine Experience, (I am utterly shameless LOL).


Emmeline Peaches

Emmeline Peaches - The Dorr Wavecare Advanced Intimate Toy Care System

Once again Emmeline delivers a thorough and thoughtful review of a new product to the market that may appeal to lots of users who like things to be squeaky clean. The Dorr Wavecare cleaning system might be a bit of overkill, but it is nice to see more hygiene related products entering the marketplace. Emmeline has a fantastic way with words, and I just can't get enough of her work (girl crush). Check her out and enjoy her articles and reviews, they definitely won't disappoint.

Joanne xxx

25% Off at SexToys.co.uk

SexToys have a 25% discount offer

Sextoys have a huge range of sextoys and this week they are offering a 25% discount, simply use the discount code SAVE25 during checkout.

Special Offers at SexToys.co.uk

GRAB A BARGAIN

BDSM Puppy Slave Collar Review

This stunning collar is not just good for puppy play

I have received another fantastic collar from the kinky guys over at Meo.de to review. This one is from the puppy play range, and it features a stunning dog tag which I will talk about later in the review.

This item arrived with some other extremely naughty products, and I am enjoying reviewing them all so watch out for the reviews of such classics as a remote controlled egg vibrator and some kinky puppy knee pads.

"The 'O' Ring at the front as well as carrying the dog tag can be used to restrain your puppy or to put him or her on a leash to better control them, especially in a training environment."

Joanne

Meo is a company based in Germany but they ship worldwide, and they have an incredible range of BDSM and other kinky products. I am becoming quite addicted to their range of products and have thoroughly enjoyed everything that I have reviewed for them.

Collar reviews are pretty hard to write as, well basically it's a collar but read on to see my thoughts on this little collar.

Book Review - BDSM A Guide To The Explorers Of Extreme Eroticism

This is one book that I will keep refering to

I don't often review books, but this one caught my eye when I was approached by the author Ayzad. Well, it's a guide that covers almost every conceivable erotic, kinky and BDSM fetish that you can think of, so how could I refuse?

As I'm someone who believes that none of us knows it all and we can all continue to learn new things and improve ourselves every day of our lives I jumped at the chance to review it.

"This book is a testimony to the kinky lifestyle and extensive experience of the author, and it is a book that I will be referring to again and again. It is easy to read, and I just can't stress enough just how much useful information it contains."

Joanne

I was, therefore, sent a review copy so that I could read it and then give my honest opinion as to its contents and readability. You see, this is a book that had its first edition published in 2004 in Italy. Yes, the author is Italian, and this book was also written in Italian. This international edition was published in 2016.

I must say though that having read it, you would never know as it has been very professionally translated, edited and proofread before the international edition in English was published.

Upto 70% Off Vibrators At Bondara

Bondara have come up with a cracking discount again

Bondara are one of the UK's bigegst suppliers of all things sex toys and they are a firm favourite of mine. This week they have come up with a new fantastic special offer.

They got the world buzzin', with up to 70% off vibrating toys in their Big Vibe Event. So, shake off those worries, get those naughty bits throbbing and have a little flutter online.

Special Offers at Bondara

GRAB A BARGAIN

Meo.de Special Offers

If you like it kinky then check out Meo.de

Meo.de always have lots of their kinky wares on special offer and this link takes you to the current specials.

MEO are the German special mail-order business for men. BVut lots of their products are gender neutral. Under the slogan "MEO makes you come" many interesting products from the bizarre erotic sector await you. MEO is one of the leading providers in the erotic sector. Since 1997, the renowned mail-order business based in the heart of Europe has been successfully delivering its products all over the world. Every day, thousands of articles leave the MEO mail-order firm destined to pleasure customers all over the world.

Special Offers at Meo.de

Bondara Black Faux Leather Bondage Mitts Review

A kinky pair of restraints great for pet-play and general BDSM fun

In an effort to explore some new kinky play I bought a pair of Black Faux Leather Bondage Mitts from Bondara.

My thoughts were that with a pair of mittens we could explore some pet play coupled with general bondage fun and games. Mittens are great for removing the ability to use your hands, and so puppy or pony play becomes more realistic.

"Put on a pair of leather mittens and a set of kitten or puppy ears together with a collar, and you can get to enjoy moving around on all fours without any of your usual worries."

Joanne

I chose these mittens for both their price and also their features. I have enjoyed them but sub'r' has been put through her paces by Stunt Cock using them, and I will let you know what we think of them.

Are they an excellent addition to your BDSM toolkit or are there other options out there?

I'm Attending Eroticon 2019 - But I Might Need Some Help

I'm So Looking Forward To Upping My Game

I will be attending Eroticon 2019 - decision made. I almost got there in 2018 until I had a bad fall just prior to it and I ended up in hospital for a week with bad head injuries.

Next year will be different, I will get to Eroticon to meet all of the amazing attendees. It will again take a lot of planning though as for me this will be a huge task, just getting there and getting around are issues due to my disabilities.

I will get to Eroticon 2019

I will probably need to use my wheelchair to get about and that is something that I hate. My disabilities mean that I can't spend a long time on my feet and walking can be a real issue for me and so using my wheelchair will mean I will be experiencing the all too common feeling of in some way being inferior to everyone else. I know that is a daft thing to say but just try sitting in a wheelchair and check out the looks you get when trying to talk to people.

I am determined to go though for a number of reasons and these all revolve around this blog. I'm in awe of so many amazing men and women who put their all online in their sex related blogs for the betterment of all and I hope to meet so many of them there. I also can't wait to be educated in all things sex blogging related and to network like I have never networked before in order to allow me to grow my blog and to hopefully help others enjoy their sex lives.

I also owe several people some consensual hugs

The biggest problem with attending for me as with most other bloggers will be the cost. When I factor in just the costs of the tickets, then accomodation, transportation and the cost of socialising it will mean that attending will carry a large price tag.

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Latest Reviews

May 18, 2018

Bijoux Indescrets Flamboyant Body Jewelery Purple And Pink

in Other Reviews
Your nipples and foof will have never looked so good when all blinged up I am not one for bling, usually, but when I saw the Bijoux Indescrets Body Jewelry, I was filled with curiosity and desire. I had to see how sexy they would look and as you get a pair of… Read More
May 15, 2018

Book Review - BDSM A Guide To The Explorers Of Extreme Eroticism

in Other Reviews
This is one book that I will keep refering to I don't often review books, but this one caught my eye when I was approached by the author Ayzad. Well, it's a guide that covers almost every conceivable erotic, kinky and BDSM fetish that you can think of, so how… Read More
May 11, 2018

BDSM Puppy Slave Collar Review

in BDSM Kit Reviews
This stunning collar is not just good for puppy play I have received another fantastic… Read More

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I'm Attending Eroticon 2019 - But I Might Need Some Help

in Blog
I'm So Looking Forward To Upping My Game I will be attending Eroticon 2019 - decision made. I almost got there in 2018 until I had a bad fall just prior to it and I ended up in hospital for a week with bad head injuries. Next year will be different, I will… Read More
April 15, 2018

4000 Twitter Followers Mega Giveaway Competition

in Blog
Celebrate this milestone with me by winning some kinky sextoys I am fast approaching 4,000 followers on Twitter and thought it would be nice to be able to celebrate this milestone achievement with a fantastic giveaway. Three amazing companies have stepped… Read More
Mar 02, 2018

I Am Reviewing The uFUC PRO v.2 Fucking machine

in Blog
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