Joanne's Sex Machine and Sex Toy Reviews

Welcome to my siteWelcome to my site, I hope that you enjoy my reviews and articles. I have a fascination with sex toys and in particular sex and fucking machines, e-stim and BDSM.

I have a lot of fun doing what I do and I hope it shows in my reviews and articles.

I love hearing from my readers so please don't be shy, post a comment or get in touch.

Joanne xxx


Companies that I regularly review for:

E-Stim SystemsBondaraFleshlight
Latex, Leather & LaceMeoUberkinky

Joanne Summers

Joanne Summers

I am an award winning reviewer and married mother of two who loves getting off with all manner of Sex Toys. I really have a soft spot for Fucking Machines and Sex Machines though (I bet you can guess where that soft spot is). I'm also rather fond of E-Stim or Electrosex as well as kinky BDSM play. I love reviewing all manner of sex toys, adult related products and lubes so join me on my quest for ever kinkier orgasms.

Sinful Sunday Week 380

Week 380 is all about getting a rise

It's all about the picture, and this one shows a nipple being teased with a nipple sucker. This sex toy uses a vacuum to draw extra blood into the tissue causing the nipple to swell and become very sensitive. It feels incredible when released and then the nipple is teased.

This weeks pic shows somenipple play

Please leave a comment on this post if you enjoyed the pic as it should be the kick up the bum I need to post more for the Sinful Sunday roundup.

Sinful Sunday

Grab Some Bargain Sex Toys That I Have Reviewed

My toy bags are at their brusting point and I need to downsize a bit

As a sex toy reviewer, you can understand that I have a vast collection of sex toys that increases in size every month. I am currently faced with a problem, and that is storing all of the toys that I have reviewed.

Since I can't keep using everything as firstly, there aren't enough hours in the day for masturbating that much, and secondly, I'd break my foof. I, therefore, need to downsize my sex toy collection.

So I am left with a dilemma, do I throw perfectly serviceable sex toys out or offer them to a new home for a very reasonable price. No prizes for which option I am going for, and so I have decided to provide the sex toys that I can sterilise and that have non-porous materials like glass, metal and silicone for sale.

All of these toys will be washed and cleaned with an anti-bacterial sex toy cleaner before shipping. Some have their original packaging while others don't. The prices listed include shipping by recorded delivery to addresses in the UK, if you want me to ship abroad then just get in touch for a shipping quote.

I will use the funds generated through the sale of these toys to buy new ones to review and so my blog will benefit from these sales. So on with the current offerings and these are:

Seahorse Dildo From Mr Hankeys Toys

The Seahorse Dildo From Mr Hankeys Toys

This behemoth of a dildo has a Vac-u-lock hole in the base for strap-on harness or fucking machine fun, and it is amazing. It is probably the most textured dildo that I have ever enjoyed, and I will be sad to see it go as it is lovely. It measures in at 25.4cm / 10" long and you can insert 22.4cm / 8.75" of it. Its circumference is a very filling 12cm/ 4.75" at the head, 17.8cm / 7" near its middle and 20.3cm / 8" near the base. Produced by Mr. Hankeys Toys in the USA it retails for $134.90, and you can read my full review of it here - Review Of The Seahorse Dildo From Mr Hankeys Toys

Asking Price: £60 including UK P&P

Hercules Silicone Vac-u-lock Dildo From Godemiche - Large

Hercules dildo from Godemiche

The Hercules as its name suggests is a dildo to be reconned with. This one is the large, and it is in Effulgence Glitter Blue. It features a huge pair of balls and a Vac-u-lock hole in the base for strap-on fun or for attaching it to a fucking machine. This is a fantastic dildo and measures in at useable length 9"/22.8cm, Head circ. 6"/15.5cm and Shaft base circ. 7"/17.7cm. A very nice blend of silicone makes this a beautiful dildo on the eye. Made by Godemiche in the UK, this one retails at £85, and they don't usually come with the vac-u-lock base, so it is unique. You can read my full review of the Hercules Silicone Dildo From Godemiche.

Asking Price: £45 including UK P&P

Dreamy And Unicorns Snap Crotch ABDL Onesies

These onesies are fantastic quality and just so cute

A staple part of most littles attire is the humble Onesie, an outfit that is both simple and cute. There are several sites online offering them, but in my opinion, one of the best is OnesiesDownUnder as they have a dazzling array of designs and sizes.

Onesies can be expensive, but as a general rule as with everything, you do get what you pay for. I was delighted when OnesiesDownUnder asked if we would like to review some for them and we jumped at the chance.

"These Onesies feature a classic round neck design and the edges of the garment, neck, arms and around the leg area are all edged and very neatly stitched. This finishes these edges nicely and again I was impressed by the materials used."

Joanne

Little Rae has a few Onesies but she doesn't have any from OnsiesDownUnder, and she just loves the designs of their printed ones.

Not sure about sizing we asked for an XL and a 2XL to see how we got on with and without diapers. So read on to see what Little Rae and I think of these printed Onesies from the other side of the world.

Pipedream Fetish Fantasy Penis Ball Gag

Finally a cock that you can chew on without receiving complaints

I love receiving BDSM products through the post to review, there is something incredibly pleasing about opening a box having no idea what is inside to find something you think might be just up your street.

That is how I felt when I opened my latest package from AdultShopIt a UK online retailer carrying a dizzying array of sex toys and BDSM implements.

"Wearing it was a lot of fun, with the strap pulled very tight the ball portion of the gag forces your teeth open and the penis extension sits on your tongue giving your mouth a very full feeling which I loved."

Joanne

They had sent me a penis ball gag, and I couldn't wait to have some fun with it. I had always wondered how they feel and I was going to find out. I knew that sub'r' would also be delighted to put it through its paces too.

So we went to a dungeon and put it to the test, having used it numerous times now I feel confident that I can do it justice in this review so here we go.

Sinful Sunday Week 379

Week 379 is simply nippletastic

It's all about the picture, and this one shows me about to tuck into two chocolate boobies that I received as a gift and trust me, they were both delightfully naughty and also very tasty.

This weeks pic shows some chocolate boobies.

Please leave a comment on this post if you enjoyed the pic as it should be the kick up the bum I need to post more for the Sinful Sunday roundup.

Sinful Sunday

Blush Novelties Fruity Grape Bullet Vibe Review

This tiny little bullet vibe is surprisingly powerful

I love small and powerful bullet vibes and have so much use for them while masturbating or playing with others. I honestly believe that everyone should have some bullets in their toy bags as they are so much fun.

I was delighted when AdultShopIt sent me a Blush Novelties Fruity Vibe - Grape to review and I looked forward to putting it to the test.

"I was surprised at just how powerful the motor is on the Fruit Vibe Grape when you switch it on it starts on its lowest power setting, and I love this one. Circling my clitoris with it feels fantastic, and I love teasing my urethra with it too."

Joanne

This bullet vibe is tiny, and I knew that while it would probably be a lot of fun its small size would have some drawbacks and I will cover those later in the review.

So is the Grape Fruity Vibe from Blush Novelties something to be savoured or is it a grape that is only worth crushing? Read on to find out.

ABDL Pacifier Clips From OnesiesDownUnder

Don't drop the Diddy with these pacifier retainers

If you are in a DDLG relationship or just an ABDL no doubt, you or someone you know enjoys using a pacifier or dummy.

One problem with littles using a pacifier is what happens when they drop it or accidentally spit it out when sucking on one while they are distracted.

"Basically, these pacifier retainers are bulletproof, their sturdy construction will give you years of faithful service while the fantastic array of designs means they will continue putting a smile on any little's face for a long time to come."

Joanne

Obviously, hygiene is a huge concern so you don't want a pacifier falling onto the floor where it could come into contact with nasty germs and bacteria.

Even worse could be the scenario where your little loses their pacifier - perish the thought. Luckily there are products available that are designed to cope with both of those problems, and it is one of these that I am reviewing today for OnesiesDownUnder.

30% Off Over 100 Products At Bondara

Stock up on Bondara special offers

Shake up your toy box with 30% off over 100 lines! With toys, lingerie, bondage and gifts, it's time to get sexy. Savings have already been applied on site, so all you need to do is sit back, relax and pop your favourites into your basket! But you'd better be quick - this deal is for a limited time only and is while stocks last!. Pus you'll receive a FREE Mini Travel Wand when you spend just £25.00 on toys within the event.

Get great discounts on the select items

GRAB A BARGAIN

Obey Luxury 24" Spanking Cane Review

A cane that can both bite or gently nibble your butt

Impact play is often a crucial part of many BDSM scenes and activities, and there is a vast range of products available to allow this to be done safely.

I enjoy having an impact play toy used on me and also using them on others and so when I received a unique discount code from Bondara to share with my readers I just had to treat myself to a new cane.

"It's very well balanced and smooth to swing becoming almost an extension to your hand. Quick light strokes are lots of fun, and if you use your hand to bounce the cane off it you can create strokes that are so fast they are a blur, and these feel divine."

Joanne

The Obey Range is an excellent range of BDSM sex toys, and I got 10% off the sale price on this cane - bonus.

This cane is touted as a luxury one, and I looked forward to seeing if it lived up to its title. So read on to see what I thought of this cane.

Adult Pacifier Triple Pack Review For OnesiesDownUnder

These pacifiers or diddies are now a firm favourite with my little

If you enjoy the DDLG lifestyle or have a friend who is an ABDL then no doubt you have already heard of Onesies Down Under. They are an Australian business who specialise in the DDLG lifestyle supplying some very nice products to littles all around the world.

I am fortunate to have been sent some products to review with the help of Little "Rae", who has been enjoying the lifestyle all of her adult life and has only just recently introduced us to it.

"As soon as it went into her mouth her eyes closed and a smile spread across her face partially covered by the pacifiers guard but you could see it none the less. She loves them and has actually thrown her old one out preferring the new ones from OnesiesDownUnder which to be honest I can understand as these ones are just perfect for her"

Joanne

For anyone unaware of what the DDLG lifestyle is all about I wrote an article covering DDLG relationships briefly that you may find interesting.

Onesiesdownunder has sent us some fantastic things for Little "Rae" to get her hands on and enjoy, and this is the first review in a series which will cover the products that we have been sent. So read on to find out what we thought of the pack of three pacifiers that we were sent.

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Latest Reviews

July 21, 2018

Dreamy And Unicorns Snap Crotch ABDL Onesies

in ABDL Product Reviews
These onesies are fantastic quality and just so cute A staple part of most littles attire is the humble Onesie, an outfit that is both simple and cute. There are several sites online offering them, but in my opinion, one of the best is OnesiesDownUnder as… Read More
July 19, 2018

Pipedream Fetish Fantasy Penis Ball Gag

in BDSM Kit Reviews
Finally a cock that you can chew on without receiving complaints I love receiving BDSM products through the post to review, there is something incredibly pleasing about opening a box having no idea what is inside to find something you think might be just up… Read More
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Blush Novelties Fruity Grape Bullet Vibe Review

in Vibrators
This tiny little bullet vibe is surprisingly powerful I love small and powerful bullet… Read More

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Grab Some Bargain Sex Toys That I Have Reviewed

in Blog
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